Heads Up, Ariel Winter Is Perpetuating Her Media Problems Again

Let me break down the Ariel Winter exposure cycle right quickie – Ariel flaunts some marginally outrageous shit that will piss off middle America/internet manchildren, whether it be some raucous cleavage, peacocking her ass in public, or just talking about how sexually woke she is because her boyfriend is almost 30. The gossip wolves then subsequently attack her for acting like an entitled skank. She then “claps back” and repeats step one under the guise of spiteful empowerment and our collective sanity/grasp on reality continues to break down over time like rocks on the bottom of a riverbed.

Ariel’s social media is her preferred avenue for telling people to fuck themselves and yesterday she threw her own mother in the pit with the paparazzi…

In her defense, who out there is saying those shorts are slutty? What are they Amish? I’ve seen more scandalous outfits at a nursing home.

On the other hand, she’s being a fucking idiot complaining about media attention when you’ve literally hit puberty in front of the world. You’re ours now, Ariel. We own you and your giant boobs. Hail Satan and the dark lord Kelly Ripa and may she smite the non-believers.

Today she continues to divide her haters/supporters into an online civil war that’s grounded on issues WAY bigger than the big-titted chick from Modern Family. Ariel has talked before about her toxic relationship with her mother, whom she accused of being abusive and a raging psychobitch, which I now fully believe to be true. Her mother went to In Touch magazine (who does that to their kid?) to talk shit about her daughter’s affinity for showing off her ass.

She needs to grow up. I would tell her to dress properly, be the beautiful person she is. I feel sad that she feels the need to expose herself when it’s not necessary. Ariel is smart, beautiful and talented. She is a legitimate actress. She does not need to do this. She is beautiful with her clothes on.

*BAW-WITDA-BAW-DABANGDABANG-DIGGYDIGGY*

Dearest Ariel, you’re perpetuating your cycle of attention by demanding more attention – welcome to Hollywood, crack yourself a Fresca… If you don’t want us making assumptions about how your underboob smells, give us something else to talk about. Want people to stop giving a shit about your personal life? Try blasting crazy charities and conspiracies into the media’s face like buckshot. They’ll start to avoid you like the plague when you bring up how pitbulls have an unfair representation or African kids need iPads too every time they ask you about what your boyfriend’s penis is shaped like (which I know you’d love to answer in a heartbeat). Sure your mom might be a bitch, but don’t use Twitter to splooge your dirty laundry all over our LED-lit faces, our eyes are starting to hurt.