Someone Get Ariel Winter’s Boyfriend to Release His Tax Returns

Grab yourself an ice cold Fresca, Ariel Winter is perpetuating her unwanted media attention again. This time she took to Instagram on Wednesday to squash rumors printed by Star Magazine that her boyfriend, Levi Meadon, is on her payroll. Now I’m no financial advisor at Merrill Lynch, but judging by their respective IMDB’s I’d say that Ariel makes a bigger paycheck than Levi. (He’s also an actor.) Levi is in the twilight of his twenties while Ariel is only 19 (but has boobage on a 24-year-old level).

Sure, he’s graduated from Canadian TV dramas to bit roles in Hollywood productions since he became a “hair salon name.” (That’s the term for a few notches below ‘household name’ that I just made up, do you like it?) Turns out the operation of surgically attaching his hand to Ariel’s ass worked to his advantage.

Whether or not I believe that this is a 50/50 split finance household is hard to say, but Ariel is sick and tired of you guys assuming that she’s paying all the bills, you guys! Seriously!

A post shared by ARIEL WINTER (@arielwinter) on

When someone screenshots their notepad to relay a message on an app that’s for images, you KNOW they mean business, guys. It’s like the modern equivalent of an open letter or a truck stop press release.

The level of apathy I have for Ariel Winter’s personal life is higher than Tiger Woods’ deadeyed, ambien-glazed stare, so let’s just keep this rumor mill churnin’ out butt butter by tossing her dressed as the frumpy Wendy’s girl in a bikini down here. Have a nice Thursday.