Ariana Grande’s Not Single

Posted by Photo Boy

Ariana Grande is a diaper diva who literally makes people carry her around like a baby, which should make her repulsive, but she also has the body and face of a child attached to a legally intercoursable vagina, so the Internet can’t get enough of her. That’s why it wasn’t surprising when windowless vans everywhere veered off the road in excitement when it was rumored recently that she was single. Via Just Jared.

Ariana Grande and Big Sean have not split, her rep confirms.

While that is unfortunate for any kids in Toys’R’Us parking lots whose parents have turned their backs for only a second, the news isn’t all bad. I hear that kid from Little Miss Sunshine is considering roles that will “alter her image” which is just industry lingo for stripp– Quick question. Do SWAT helicopters sound different than regular ones? *tear gas canister shatters window, hears Chris Hansen yell “I fear for my life!”*

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