Ariana Grande Hates America Because Donuts?

After a short stint as head of Grande’s security detail, decorated combat veteran and Purple Heart recipient Captain James Prescott would take his own life within hours of this photo being taken. His brief note reading only ‘So tiny, yet so evil…’

There’s a video going viral right now in which Ariana Grande is out in public with her friends and boyfriend. She acts giddy and obnoxious and licks a donut. Which is perfectly normal behavior for just a regular kid, let alone one who’s a child star turned pop sensation. But then she says “I hate America.” GASSSSSSSSP!! *releases outrage doves* FLY MY PRETTIES! FLY!!

The fact that A.) Ariana Grande is a wealthy person and B.) People are now devoting time and energy into whatever dumb shit chirps out of her toddler-pitched mouth means that America deserves all the hate. Or maybe her statement is a cogent self-reflection, acknowledging that her own existence is a warped distortion of the American dream, which even if it wasn’t a bill of goods, is out of the reach of most people. So they resort to filling that void with drugs, alcohol, or junk food. Or maybe she was frustrated with the shit work ethic of those donut shop employees who just leave trays of donuts right on the counter where anybody can touch them. Don’t they take pride in their work? Even if she picked up garbage, she would be proud to do it. These lazy fucks are why the country’s going down the toilet. Whatever her thoughts were, we’re all idiots for somehow contributing to them not being worthless scribbles in a diary with a unicorn on the cover.

Dumb Video That You’ll Watch Even After I Just Said All That Stuff

UPDATE: And right on cue, Ariana Grande’s bullshit apology.

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