May 09, 2006
Jake Gyllenhaal has a new girlfriend
Jake Gyllenhaal has finally moved on from Kirsten Dunst and is now dating Olympic snowboarder Gretchen Bleiler. They're reportedly so serious that Gretchen is moving from Ohio to Los Angeles to be with Jake. When asked for comment, Gyllenhaal’s rep said, “Thank you for inquiring but we do not comment on his personal life.”
I'd congratulate him, but Gretchen isn't exactly the sexiest woman on the planet. After spending so much time with Kirsten Dunst I guess anybody that doesn't have breasts dragging on the floor and jagged teeth probably looks good. Shit, he's just lucky he didn't wander onto a farm and spot a scarecrow first, otherwise we'd be reading about Jake's new girlfriend: a scarecrow with a dress on.
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Comments
1. Posted by EdnasGayLover on May 9, 2006 05:38 PM
first??? shes hot
2. Posted by krisdylee on May 9, 2006 05:40 PM
Maybe she has a power pussy....
3. Posted by Warrior on May 9, 2006 05:44 PM
Yikes. I don't find Jake that attractive but even I know he could do waaaay better than that.
4. Posted by ELLABELLA on May 9, 2006 05:52 PM
i thought he was gay!?
5. Posted by Zanna on May 9, 2006 05:52 PM
Fucking Woof.
http://simplythebest.net/sounds/WAV/sound_effects_WAV/sound_effect_WAV_files/dog_1.wav
6. Posted by Nerima on May 9, 2006 05:55 PM
I like Kirsten's breasts.
I like her jagged teeth.
:(
7. Posted by 86 on May 9, 2006 05:57 PM
Jake and Kirsten should get back together, they always seemed happy.
8. Posted by Spindoc on May 9, 2006 05:57 PM
Oh COME ON!!! Its the same old thing Hollywood publicists have ALWAYS done. Get a celebrity Lesbian and a Celebrity gay guy and hook them up...or a famous gay guy and an unknown straight woman willing to fake it for a few years for the money (i.e. Rock Hudsons Wife......and Katie holmes)
Jake is gayer than a figure skating competition.
9. Posted by Spindoc on May 9, 2006 05:57 PM
And by the way, Tom Cruise isn't gay.....he just loves the cock.
10. Posted by Conductor71 on May 9, 2006 05:59 PM
Gretchen Bleiler, pictured yesterday: http://www.thecentreofattention.org/exhibitions/afghan.jpg
11. Posted by Qdarks on May 9, 2006 06:02 PM
Qdarks
12. Posted by Mary45 on May 9, 2006 06:02 PM
Well she made the cover of FHM in body paint no less, after the Olympics... you know Jake likes them "athletic"...
13. Posted by BigJim on May 9, 2006 06:05 PM
Holy snapping foreskins, Batman! That schnozz is big enough to nostril fuck.
14. Posted by Charlaurz McHall on May 9, 2006 06:05 PM
#10, that photo is brilliant. i clicked the link without reading it. Hillarious!
http://celebrityreligion.typepad.com
15. Posted by Trotter on May 9, 2006 06:06 PM
Strong thighs, manly shoulders, huge chin, she's gotta be real mean with an Assblaster 2000!
16. Posted by 86 on May 9, 2006 06:12 PM
I'm at a complete loss.
17. Posted by auh2o on May 9, 2006 06:18 PM
That's not a good picture of her, she's actually adorable. I've had a big crush on her for a long time. Not the hottest woman on the planet, but I'd walk to california to take her out. Plus she actually fucking DOES something. Granted, it's only snowboarding, but she's really good at it. She's probably fun as hell and I'll bet she'd fuck you stupid. Compared to the vapid movie industry girls the obviously gay Jake could be dating, she's pretty respectable.
18. Posted by Color me stoked on May 9, 2006 06:22 PM
Ugh Jake has sickening taste in girls.. if you can call them that. Why jakey? &How old is this lady?
19. Posted by Nikk The Templar on May 9, 2006 06:28 PM
She may not be conventionally beautiful, but her body is to die for.
20. Posted by EdnasGayLover on May 9, 2006 06:31 PM
I agree with 17. All these stupid other stupid cunts are on here are so due to vapid, meaningless shit. She's actually one of the best in the counry at what she does, yet there are tons of rich blondes with herpes out there. And I love how all the girls say how ugly she is. Damn your sex is vindictive and jealous. Lose some weight and maybe then a guy will like you!
On a side note, I am better than all of you.
21. Posted by bloodyvictim on May 9, 2006 06:31 PM
Firstly... Jake is fucking hooooooot! only male celebrity that i would seriously want to fuck...
Secondly... are you people on fucking glue? He's dating a real person, who's a fucking world-class snowboarder! She's probably cooler than anyone you know, and sooooo much hotter then any useless fucking actress. This just increases my respect for, and desire to fuck, Jakey McHotterson... I'm a good snowboarder too Jake... Jake? I'll stretch out my boobies too if that's what it takes.... Jakey?
22. Posted by hotintempe on May 9, 2006 06:33 PM
#18....yes, I agree. But who is Jake Gyllenhaal? And that woman looks like she has some years on her.
23. Posted by daria405 on May 9, 2006 06:34 PM
She's cute. Good for them.
24. Posted by bloodyvictim on May 9, 2006 06:37 PM
she's 24 you half-wits
25. Posted by krisdylee on May 9, 2006 06:39 PM
I'd put on a strap-on, dress up like a cowboy and plow Jake 'til next July....
26. Posted by krisdylee on May 9, 2006 06:41 PM
I think I'd do that to BigJim, too.
27. Posted by hotintempe on May 9, 2006 06:42 PM
Damn, if shes only 24, then 30 isnt going to look pretty.
28. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 9, 2006 06:44 PM
There is nothing hotter than a chick that snowboards. I've been to the X-Games a couple of times, and I'm the dude watching the half pipe competition in the trenchcoat, only one hand visible. Tight ass, tight legs, who am I kidding, I never even make it to the face....must.cover.computer.in.plastic.
Oh, the idea of ol'fece peepee touching one of those girls makes me want to sit in a fucking belltower.
29. Posted by tsarinaamanda on May 9, 2006 06:51 PM
Ugh. Not impressed with the looks, but good on her for doing something that requires talent and athleticism. it still doesn't fix that horsey face, though. Just say NEIGH, Jake! Find yourself a hot chick, you deserve it. And "Gretchen" sounds like a noise you'd make while talking to Ralph on the white phone, or a sneeze filled with phlegm. Ugly name, ugly face. At least her parents got it right.
@20-
Yeah, we women are bitches. That's just how it is.
30. Posted by suzy on May 9, 2006 06:51 PM
she sort of looks like Jennifer Anison... and Jake worked with her in The Good Girl
31. Posted by suzy on May 9, 2006 06:54 PM
She made FHM's cover...
she's all the way on the right
http://img.timeinc.net/snow/content/images/fhmcovl.jpg
32. Posted by tsarinaamanda on May 9, 2006 07:00 PM
@20-
Oh, BTW, I am NOT jealous of that. I may not have such a hot body, but I have a WAAY better face. She looks like Helen Hunt with squintier eyes and a bigger, uglier nose. Nope, definitely not jealous of that.
33. Posted by UNWASHEDMASSES on May 9, 2006 07:00 PM
Gretchen Bleiler is cute... for a pre-op tranny. Come on, people, for the last time Jake is gayer than gay. Brokeback Mtn aside, go to any site where homo gossip abounds and they are all over Jake. PerezHilton.com, Ted Casablancas, etc. It's like the worst kept secret in Hollywood and probably infers more about the women he dates than anything else. Maybe when Jake stars in the Tom Cruise story all doubters will be silenced. Tom Cruise loves the Cock, and so does Jake Gyllenhaal. JGLTC.
34. Posted by troublebunny on May 9, 2006 07:05 PM
Damn! Wish I could see you guys when you're 30! My guess: half of you will be pasty and bloated from spending every hour surfing webporn and snorting french fries, and the other half will be shrivelled and devoid of hair and eyebrows from all the tanning, overprocessing and plucking. Both halves will be alone...so utterly fucking alone....
35. Posted by EdnasGayLover on May 9, 2006 07:13 PM
#34 HAHAHA Men COULD follow your prophecy (that won't be me) and STILL have the upperhand with women. You and your kind are so desperate for someone that you'll stay with someone like that. You work for US! Now get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwhich! Then go to the gym.
36. Posted by Jacq on May 9, 2006 07:18 PM
I would think he'd be more inclined to date the scarecrow - seeing as how he likes to smoke pole. It's got to be her broad, muscular shoulders or she has a micropenis, a penis is a penis is a penis.
37. Posted by Jacq on May 9, 2006 07:32 PM
On closer inspection, she looks like the Wicked Witch of the West.
38. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 9, 2006 07:37 PM
Heh, one's wearing a beard, the other is a beard.
39. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 9, 2006 07:41 PM
Gretchen isn't bad looking, but all the sun reflecting off the snow is hell on the skin. Enh, she's muscular enough he can probably close his eyes and think she's a man.
40. Posted by BigJim on May 9, 2006 07:50 PM
I have it on good authority that Tom Cruise has a high level of appreciation for the male genitalia.
41. Posted by Jayjay on May 9, 2006 08:00 PM
Ew ew ew .... can someone say, "butterface"?
42. Posted by Jacq on May 9, 2006 08:01 PM
For anyone who didn't already know - E!'s Daily 10 said that Britney confirmed that she is really pregnant again. Poor, poor fatherless baby...
43. Posted by gammanormids on May 9, 2006 08:04 PM
Don't get it. We make fun of people like Paris Hilton, Lohan, Ashley and Jessica because they talentless whores whose only activity is to try to look pretty and buy expensive bags. But, this girl actually does something: she's an athlete. So, she might not be stunningly beauty but surely it's a better person.
44. Posted by Color me stoked on May 9, 2006 08:12 PM
wow what a great theory, all us girls who see how clearly ugly this broad is must be fat and jealous. I admit when girls are pretty.. she is not.
She can be the most talented awesome person.. HER FACE IS UGLY
45. Posted by Color me stoked on May 9, 2006 08:19 PM
+ i love how we all assume shes an awesome person because she's not an actress..
46. Posted by Geminat on May 9, 2006 08:26 PM
Her face is the shape of a diamond. She looks like Jennifer Anistons kid sister
47. Posted by dosita on May 9, 2006 08:30 PM
#44 is right. either way, this site is called the superficial, and we are allowed to make superficial commentary, so on that note: she's a dog.
48. Posted by malicious on May 9, 2006 08:48 PM
http://www.ussamedia.com/headshots/2003_04/snowboard/bleiler_gretchen.jpg
Her teeth are just as bad as Kirsten's. And her nose is huge.
49. Posted by griffmills on May 9, 2006 08:49 PM
You might enjoy this pic of her, Hot!
http://expn.go.com/media/wxg/viii/030106_gretchen02_v.jpg
50. Posted by smokeyrobinson on May 9, 2006 08:54 PM
She looks like a poor man's young Phyllis Diller. Damn, Jake.
51. Posted by krisdylee on May 9, 2006 08:54 PM
Guys, guys, guys.... let's all focus on the real picture here...
Tom loves male genitalia, ( I heard it from BigJim... he mumbles in his sleep alot)
And my pussy is a hot commodity...
'nuff said.
52. Posted by Color me stoked on May 9, 2006 08:55 PM
yeah.. nice bod. Her face is still vomit inducing.
53. Posted by ellaminnowpea on May 9, 2006 09:20 PM
#8 references Katie Holmes...another gullible Ohio girl dragged into the beard game....sad...it appears that the Ohio girls are easily star struck...being from Ohio, I can see that one does need to flee this hell hole but life will be good once again when Taft gets thrown out of office....