FIRST! STUPID BABY!

she wanted to hire him for telling her that? isn't that just common sense? oh wait...

She's been walking through the mud in that dress. First?

Fucking third. Damn.

Am I the only one who doesn't care about her anymore? She fires her incompetent nanny and this is news? I'm not blaming Superficial...I mean, it's everywhere, but shit- this girl takes a dump and everyone has to write about it.

What a dumbazz, who tries to hire a doctor, its called parenting biacth!!!

I'm sorry, she needs a DOCTOR to tell her not to dangle her baby off of high surfaces? Woman, it's called instinct and common sense, you can't buy them.

This maid had to have been Columbian or Brazilian or some shit. There's no way a Mexican would let her paycheck go out the window like that. Fucking Columbian and Brazilian bitches.

When a newborn is properly wrapped up all nice-and-snug in a receiving blanket, they DO resemble a 7-11 microwave burrito.

Give Mrs K-Fed the benefit of the doubt on that one!

uh, maybe she could get some parenting advise from Tom Cruise.

Oh wait, his area of expertise is in the actual birthing, and post-partum depresssion.

#10

And loving the cock

I hope she fires her fat ass next.
Bring back the hot Britney of legend and lore! Bring back 2001.

it's the only logical thing she can do to save face.....she HAD to fire the nanny because she can't file a lawsuit against the high chair company because there wasn't anything wrong with the high chair to begin with. She's too high profile to pull BS stories out of her ass...everyone is on to her.....firing the nanny was her only option.

Edna reported the nanny.

She actually needed to hire a doctor to learn "not to leave Preston on any high surfaces where he could roll off"? Wow.

quite frankly - she is subconsciously trying to turn K-Fed into K-FedX by having another baby. His MO is to be gone by the 8th month of the 2nd pregnancy so, if the papers are right, she only has to put up with his slime ass for another 4 months!

Dude, you spelled "advise" wrong.

I'm really glad I read this article -- right before I leave on a trip with my two little kids to the Grand Canyon, Niagra Falls, the Empire State Building, and Land-man's massive cock.

Thank you for helping me protect my babies.

That crazy Britney...Tune in next time to see what wild, wacky, crazy adventures she gets into next....

Just when you think you can possibly be first, you find out how slow your PC really is. Damn dial-up.

Couldn't she have just gotten that info from her mother instead? Unless of course Britney too was dropped on her head as an infant. That explains why she is the way she is. I doubt the nanny had anything to do with it. She probably had a bag of cheetos in one hand, dropped her cigarette, tried to catch it, in the mean time dropping the kid (so she didn't lose the cheetos) and payed off the nanny so she didn't go to jail.

Yeah...that's what happened....

What she needs to do is hire someone to READ her a damned parenting book. I mean, I realize that all that time she spent as a child star means she can't read, but that's no reason for not to make someone read to her.

Once they're done, they can tuck her into bed and pop a cheeto flavor binky in her mouth too!

Did she hire Dr.Rokter?

Why isn't this "sage advise" on WebMD??? Imagine all the poor children falling from high places. Bravo for bringing this oft overlooked child fatality issue to light.

#22 Should hire Dr. Kevorkian

Other helpful hints for idiots:
1. Infants should not be used as airbags.
2. Smuggling pot into Mexico in your baby's diaper is wrong. And potentially disgusting.
3. Yes, marijuana is a green plant and cheetos are orange. No, that does not make them the same thing as spinach or carrots.
4. Children should be kept away from electrical outlets, open flame and sharp objects at least until the age of 10. However, any child generated by Kevin Federline should be kept away from these things until the 21st birthday. At least.

Is it just me, or has it been a long time since we heard anything about Lindsay Lohan?

What's that crazy, freckle-assed, sperm-snarfling slut lizard been up to these days?

I'm more curious about LL's most recent bukake gangbang that BS's unemployed nanny.

Inquiring minds want to know.

Hohan is probably off on a coke bender somewhere with Kate and Pete. Give it time for pics/stories to surface.

HA. This is *exactly* what I posted would happen when it was updated here that the baby fell.

tits_on_snack:

That must be some crystal ball you have. Who ever could have guessed that this might happen?

By the way, what exactly are tits on snack?

I don't get it.

by the way... *gets out pen and paper*... don't.. leave... babies.. unattended... on.. ledges......... gotcha.

Is it just me or is Preston in that bag in her hand?

I don't think you should carry the baby around in a plastic bag.......Am I hired Britney?

Didn't they split up? Someone probably told K-Swiss to throw out the trash......

Anyone who wants to know more about me can visit: http://bigjim.org/about-me

Well, actually, that's not really me, but I sure wish it was, because the guy seems super cool!

BigJim thanks for that predicatble little interjection.
The meaning of tits on snack comes from a friend's coworker, this stout little man who had a flying snake with tits tattooed on his upper arm. My friend drew a picture of the winged-snake-with-tits tattoo, and labeled it "TITS ON SNAKE", except she spelled snake "snack" by accident. I hope your curiosity has been quelled.

How can you NOT know to not leave a baby somewhere it could roll off and get hurt?

How do the stupids keep procreating!?

microwaving the baby is bad for a few reasons, but chief among them is that there is no pre-setting for "baby" and it could come out all wrong. that would make her a bad mother AND a bad cook.

i recently employed a doctor full time after he saved my eyesight. "stop gauging your eye with that ice cream scoop, son" he told me. to which i said, "you, good sir, are hired."

LOL @ BigJim #18. That was some funny shit!

You people are all jerks. Britney is a great mom and she cares a lot for her son, and baby to be. Quit bashing her, she has enough to deal with already.

“The doctor advised her not to leave Preston on any high surfaces where he could roll off,”

WELL NO SHIT DUMBASS!!!!

Did anyone else notice that "Christine Vincent" is a perfect anagram of "Britney Spears"?

Oh, wait, it isn't. I really need to learn how to spell.

#33
Oh man, that totally ruined it for me. Kind of like when I found out the homeless guy named Street that I used to pay to keep an eye on my car for me during the workday so I didn't get a ticket was really named Allen Street. It was so much better when I thought everyone on the block just called him Street. I thought this for 5 years.

...Additionally, Ms. Spears, when your husband refers to his "baby formula" at the conclusion of coitus, I beleive he is speaking metaphorically. There is a wide range of nutritional supplements avalable for infants in both liquid and powdered form. When choosing the latter, it is best to avoid boxes labeled "Nestle" or "Carnation Instant Breakfast".

All these young starlets making these horrible mistakes. Do you see what happens when your parents care more about making you a 'star' than raising you? You wind up craving stability and a homelife of your own. Only you don't know how to make a good choice for a husband because your daddy was absent or he was behind making you a starlet with your mommy. Very sad.

#40.. ruined what, exactly?
Great now I have to change my handle so people won't know that I suck balls anymore. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Free advice for this once and future "mother", it will save her hundreds of thousands in Doctor's fees:

STOP ACTING LIKE BRITNEY SPEARS!!!

Christine Vincent (#37), based on your model for a good mom I'm glad you are not my mom. While we're on the subject, does anyone know who my mom is? Please mom, contact me. I've waited 40 years and know you are still out there. I need a mommy!

#43

Blame Canada. Everyone else does.

My son has a pet snake. It doesn't have any tits, though.

43:
You have completely runied everything for me now that I know the origin of your screenname. happy now.

Hire me, Britney. Even I [who hate children with a passion] will be able to raise your child far better than you ever could.

http://www.wehateeverybody.com

"The doctor advised her not to leave Preston on any high surfaces where he could roll off"

She actually paid money for that advice?!?

And I think that advice is null and void if the kid has a big PopoZao.

Some other advice:

You husband is a wigga wannabe douchebag leave him immediately.
Start bathing.
Go away.

That'll be twenty thousand dollars, cash or charge?

Additionally, stay away from the star of the huge box office hit Legend, he loves the cock and he'll eat your placenta when you ain't looking.

That was free.

So the problem with his advice "not to leave Preston on any high surfaces where he could roll off" is problematic because he used the word "roll" rather than "fall." The poor boy is safe from high hills and rooftops but not from window ledges and ladders.

BarbadoSlim is on a roll lately.

thank you kind sir, may the gods bless you with gigantic genitalia to provide you with many offspring.

tits_on_snack
change your name to boobs_in_a_blanket
now that sounds delicious

What about the reports that Sean had rolled off the couch and hit his head on two other occasions while under the supervision of K-Fed and his friends while they were watching TV? Can she fire him for that and bring back the nanny who we all know had nothing to do with this and was likely well paid for the "firing"? Please?
Thank god for a prenup.
STOP PROCREATING!

so he got to charge somebody to give them the advice "don't leave your baby on high surfaces as he could roll off"???...screw business school, i'm changing my major.

FIRST she was considering suing the company that made the high chair that the kid fell from.

NOW she is suing the nanny that supposedly let the kid fall. The reason she couldsn't sue the high-chair maker is because she no doubt fucked up and knocked the chair over. Now she's making excuses and firing the nanny. If hte nanny REALLY did it then why didn't she fire her when this first happened?

“The doctor advised her not to leave Preston on any high surfaces where he could roll off,”

You have got to be f'ing kidding me. Someone had to tell her that. Isn't that common sense along with don't leave baby on the edge of a swimming pool unattended? Someone please get this stupid bitch a copy of "What to Expect the First Year" ASAP!

I bet the doctor totally laughed his ass off when she left.

Next she'll try to hire the guy who invented the Magic 8 Ball, because it's never steered her wrong.

I bet Britney's nanny gets paid more than a doctor. She probably doesn't understand about money.

I wish someone would have given me this advice 6 babies ago. Oh yeah and to brush my teeth. It's so hard being white trash....

#35: ROFL, yours was the best comment yet.

Britney, don't forget when tucking your baby in at night in a giant fluffy down comforter, to throw in a book of matches, a plastic bag, a pair of scissors and a grenade. They like sleeping like that. Motard.

Actually, she needs someone to tell her that letting K-Fed come inside her w/o birth control is a bad idea.

THEN she'll be set.

And in other common sense news:

She also hired a chef to tell her that eating cheetos and drinking mellow yellow is bad.

She hired a former inmate to tell her that ass-rape is plenty painful.

She hired a crack dealer to tell her that smoking crack can cause you to smack your bitch up.

She also hired an electrician to tell her that putting the baby in the tub with an electric radio is bad.

She was so amazed with all the sage advice, she offered to let them all bukkake her, but they declined.

Wait, let's look at this quote:

"The doctor advised her not to leave Preston on any high surfaces where he could roll off,” an insider told the ITW, which also reports that Spears was so impressed with the sage advice that she wanted to hire the doctor full time, but he told her that it wasn’t necessary."

She needed to be told not to leave her baby where he might fall off and break something?

It's time to sterilize her now.

Uhm, that's a big DUH!! You shouldn't leave babies alone either, in fact, you should take care of the baby YOURSELF, maybe it'll have a slim chance of growing up well-adjusted after all...

Yeah... know what... every time she screwes up and almost kills her kid, she blames someone else... the paparazzi made her not properly secure her child in a carseat in the LOCKED car (where the photogs can't get in)... and the nanny dropped him on his head... who do we blame for leaving him in the sun with no covering?

hiring a doctor to tell you not to put your infant on a high surface = mother of the year material

Britney, this is your Aunt Zed speaking. Listen carefully: Do not put Sean on any surface off of which he can roll.

Please forward $1,000,000 in cash (in small bills) to my Paypal account. You've got the forwarding information.

Free advice: 1. Lose the loser. 2. Hire a stylist. 3. Shower daily. 4. Comb your hair daily. 5. Lose the ugly sandals and Wal-Mart tye-dye dresses. 6. Wear footwear in gas station restrooms. 7. Don't pick at your zits.

That's all for now, dear.
Auntie Zed

I don't see what the big deal is. I mean, only this morning I hired the guy at Starbucks who pointed out where the milk and sugar were.

YA! #72 BABY! I RULE! ARGUE WITH THAT AND YOU GUESSED IT, YOU'RE REPORTED YA HEATHENS!

In other news, here is a picture of the lovely Suri Cruise
[url=http://www.ghostlymanor.com/images/haunt/ugly-baby-l.jpg[/url]

Sorry I can't do that clicking shit.

This should do the trick.
http://www.ghostlymanor.com/images/haunt/ugly-baby-l.jpg

Looks just like her dad. I'd hit it. The dad that is.

"sperm snarfling"?

I just snorted... thank you. That is my new favorite phrase!

she needed a doctor to tell her not to leave her baby on high surfaces where he could fall and hurt himself? that's just common sense to most people but she needs a doctor to tell her that. taht poor woman probably got fired for no reason other than to prove to the public that she is a good mother. this is all just a stunt to make people believe that she really cares about the welfare of her child.

What is wrong with Microwaving Babies? If you only put them in for a few seconds, they get nice and warm AND sterilized. I don't have to change the diapers as often if their cute lil baby poo is no longer un-sterile.

Gawd, this was a funny post.

test?

^^^
Test? What the hell are you talking about crazy lady?

And did Britney run out of toliet paper when she took her last shit? Is that why her hem is like that?

I wonder if this is another cover story. She probably hired the doctor to ask about the weird rash on the insides of her thighs and the little bugs crawling in her pubes

Maybe Kfed's dumbarse didn't assemble the highchair correctly. And what's keeping Britney so busy that she has to hire a nanny in the first place?

Does she ever wear anything besides these stupid cover ups?

Now that I think about it, I'd rather she wear the cover up than walk around with her gut hanging out. That last photo about blinded me. Preggers or not, I don't want to see that nastiness. But doesn't anyone wear maternity suits any more?

WHY!!!why can't I be #1!!!

yeah so this is what an overpriced whore looks like??

free edna
tcltc
we shall overcome!

So she dropped a baby... babies have magical regenerative powers, like Wolverine...

Edna, you gigantawhorus, take this advice:

go and thump your bible over Britney's retarded head. Maybe your fervent desire to make good in this sad sorry world will make a difference in that poor kid's life.

nah, on second thought, get down on your knees and ask God her forgiveness for being a giant pain the everybody's ass, whether big and jiggly like MeganHarris' or round, firm and hot, like mine!

Edna: If you really want to fit in just keep typing testes, testes 1, 2, 3.

Enough with this boring ass 'test' crap you hardcore lesbianic beast you.

I have to chime in with #84 here...what the hell does she need a nanny for? She does nothing but walk around barefoot with needles sticking out of her feet dropping babies..oh wait maybe she does need a nanny, for herself.

radio4play

judging by the times you post, you either A)have a real job or B)are a student or C)you are fucking loser doomed to ednas hell because you can't get 1 even though you strive for it for reasons unknown to reasonable people with reasons. it is not that I don't like you, it's me, not you. Peace love and tofu, motherfucker!

Oh baby, baby, how was I supposed to know
That I could not sit you up there
Oh baby, baby, I had to fire the nan
Nothing wrong with the chair

Show me how not to kill a baby
Tell me doctor ‘cause I need to know now
Oh because

DFS is watching me (and I)
Must confess hubby’s a dweeb (he’s a dweeb)
When no one’s watching I sit here cryin’
EPT showed two lines…
I am pregnant one more time

WAHHHHHHHHHHHH

She doesn't want the help to hurt the other baby that's on the way!

If ya got money like spears, u can even hire a help to wipe your ass.

#84 THANK YOU!!
actually, in defense of britney, she may be too busy "snarfing sperm"<---that was a good one!!!---,cheetos vicoden, vodka and redbull....AND attending silly CD/single release parties for her moochie fugly hubby's musical abortion he calls a "career" and lets not forget the fact that the pregnant (5 months!!! ) bitch cant seem to find her ( or ANY! )shoes....dont worry, y'all, im lookin!
firing the "help" huh? riiiiggghhht, because of course, it was the NANNY's fault, NEVER shitney or k-fug...shes also suing over the high chair, i read somewhere. ok, so i have a question: WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE ALLOWED TO PROCREATE??!!!!
PS lickylicky, LOVED your song!!!! im laughing so hard!!!!

Vampyreska - what country are you from where you don't spell advise like that?? I think it's funny that you thought you were so right that you had to send a message. That is how you spell advise. haha idiot.

@96

"That is how you spell advise. haha idiot."

ad·vice n.

Opinion about what could or should be done about a situation or problem; counsel.

ad·vise v.

1. To offer advice to; counsel.

So, what country are YOU from? Here's the short version. Advice-noun. Advise-verb. In the original statement by #10, the noun would be used, not the verb. NEXT!!!