First!

WOW

That last picture is actually pretty funny :)

Now how do they fit the baby into the Ferrari if there is no backseat? Do they do a Britney?

Well, The Fish is really on top of things today as far as getting the stories up early, but woo, what stories they are!!! Heidi Klum and Seal buy a stuffed animal!!! Pete Doherty gets arrested for a drug charge (for the eleventy billionth time)!!!! Vanna White, who has no recognizable or legitimate talent (unless you count keeping that frosted hair fad going for way longer than any normal person) gets a Star!!! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was wondering what happened to Mike's Neverland critters.

She already owns a seal.

Heidi looks stylin' in those pants. She's so hot.

I bet they have fantastic sex, I hear Seal's huge

wow...thats a funny sight,and a nice car

Aren't they rich enough to buy a real giraffe? Obviously they really don't love their children!
http://catholictvguy.blogspot.com/

She just need's a couple more things and her Ark will be complete.........

My parents got me educational toys as a child. I had "Penis Bear". He was a regular teddy bear, but he had a penis. And he wasn't ashamed of it.

#3 I bet they have another car that they use for the kids. I wouldn't want any snotty nose kid drooling all over my leather interior. She can afford it. Wasn't his last hit that song from one of those lame-ass Batman movies? Kissing a Rose or something?

Last Picture: Wow, Seal can really get it up.

I feel the urge to write "Wash Me!" on the front of that car.

Why the hell isn't she wearing a seatbelt? Is she related to Ashanti, too?

That giant handbag has legs and a head... whoa, wake n' bake Fridays are fun.

His face is fucked. Know why? I had to whip it repeatedly with the ol' 14".

Guess they didn't get enough attention while she was preggo, so they had to put the top down and and make a vehicle-inappropriate purchase. If it was December they'd have been bringing home a Christmas tree.

Publicist: "Hello (insert tabloid of your choice)? Yeah, they're going to be at Barney's in Beverly Hills at 11:00.... We're having the staff carry the giraffe out for them....makes them seem more accessible, y'know? No, they're parking right in front....top down....you can only get one photog over there? WTF? Oh, that goddam Cruise kid....well, do what you can, okay? I know, mixed race babies can't compete with aliens, but Jesus....."

By the way, I was in Scottsdale Wednesday night and I saw a Lambo that kicked that Ferrari's ass. That's right. It was sitting right next to me in traffic. So that makes me cool.

I was in Scottsdale last week and I saw a V W van loaded with illegal immigrants get maced by an off-duty mall security guard. That's was the last time I picked up a bunch of Mexican hitchhikers in my V W van.

So that makes me even cooler.

I wonder if was ever clubbed as a baby?

For the love of Mike, how did that droopy assed, pocked face maroon land that chick? Doherty and Moss, Seal and Klum, who's next? Jessica Alba going to throw herself at Al Roker?

a seal in the driver's seat, a giraffe riding shotgun and those flares are big enough to hide an elephant.

it's a zoo out there.

Papa, Marc anthony called and said thanks for picking up J-Lo's family. He was busy that day fucking Land-Man, and couldn't make it........

#6 - Oh my god, you're slipping. #20 Is better.

#18 - Everyone knows he was in a horrible accident. He was accidentally hit repeatedly in the face with a soccer cleat.

I'd just have a bull-horn and be yelling, "Look at me in this Ferrari, bitches! I'm rich! And I stick it to Heidi Klum! Beat that!" Then I probably get rear-ended by a guy with no insurance.

That happens to my friend, too. Convertibles give him a rager. Topless stuff is sexy.

I'm staying out the Land-Man controversy, unless he feels like he needs to clown me about something. His post on the Vanna White post was actually great.

The rate Heidi's career is going, she'll need to get speared by another European tycoon ASAP!

Looks to me that they bought this giraffe off of a couple of homeless midgets.
And them scars - it's cuz he had the Lupus.

I don't know if anyone has ever clubbed that Seal, PapaHotNuts but it gives a whole new meaning to "i'd hit it"

As the resident Canadian, I volunteer to club this seal's brains in.

I demand new stories dammit, I want to hear about Natasha Lyon trying to get out of rehab by giving blow-jobs, or Tara Reid trying to get her show back on E by giving blow jobs, or Lindsey Lohan getting arrested for smoking crack in an alley and trying to get out of it by....well I think you see what I'm getting at here.

Picture 3:

Keep trying, Heidi, those nasty-ass pock scars DO NOT wipe off...

*22: he's a rock star. women see him onstage performing and get drenched. plus he's like 6'5", which is hot despite limey teeth

papa, i though #6 was the shizzle

oops, wrong fucking thread. i'm a tool.

15 - i'm with ya... although i think that is heidi's ass prints on the hood of that car. if i had a car like that, i'd wanna get my brains fucked out on top of it too..

Heidi goes from a pair of Italian men old enough to be her father (the last, perhaps, old enough to be her grandfather) to a black guy with ritual scarring. This chick has some taste. We should take bets as to who she goes for next. I call dibs on an underage Vietnamese day laborer with one eye and a Pete Doherty smile.

ACtually Seal doesn't have rituatl scarring. I don't want to bum you out #37 but he has those scars from a bout with Lupus.

But it really doesn't change the fact that Tom Cruise thinks cock is delicious.

I think it's really cute, although I really hate her pants, what's with those buttons on the front, didn't those sailor duds go out in the 70s?

Love isn't just blind, it's deaf and dumb with a club foot and rectal bleeding....

Somebody do some CSI shit with that 2nd picture and tell me what her belt buckle says.

Maybe Seal just wanted something in the house to have more black blotches on its face than he!?!? Do i sound bitter!? haha...Hell Yeah! Look at that car..look at the model in the car..he brought out one good song that he re-releases every year to make a pay check and we don'teven need to go into his looks!! Sometimes i wish the world would be hit by a comet just to make rightous all of the wrong...like him dating her! I'm not even a huge HK fan...but come one! Lets have some common sense!

How did suck an ugly guy get such a pretty girl???? I don't mean to be mean, but his car is ever dirty! With all that money, get a car wash... puh-leaze. And I hope their baby took after mom, because Ide hate to think there's another one of him... he muct have one heck of a personality.

I wonder how much the giraffe cost?? Probably as much as my car.

@41
I blew it up in photoshop and the buckle states:

"Thak God He Has a Huge Cock Because He Looks Like Gap-Toothed Sea Turtle."

Or something like that. It was a little blurry.

What's with the two homosexual illegal immigrants in photo 2 that look like they really don't want to give up that giraffe?

Okay superficial... stop fucking around. What's up with all the bullshit stories? Get something good and please... no stealing from the sites of others.

Oh my god that chick is hot, those legs and that loooong sensuous neck, I'd hit THAT!!

Heidi Klum is not bad either.

@48

I don't know if you've ever heard this one before, but if not, use it the next time you're with a girl. "Hey, you know what? You're a sensuous woman.", then the girl says "Awww, really? Thanks :)" and then you say, "Yeah, bitch, sinceyouwas up, get me a beer". I heard a total redneck say that a while back and I have to confess, it's the only intentionally funny thing I've ever heard a redneck say.

@45 I could have swore it said MULLATO......

hey Dr. Rokter.. ummm, ya still got that 'penis bear' by any chance? cause, i have a 'vagina kitten' and um, ya know.. we might be able make ourselves some little pussy-bears

# 46 They're celebrities. They don't do their own dumpster-diving.
They hired people with neatly pressed red shirts.

#15 - If you just had your car sprinkled with gold dust, you wouldn't wash it either.

Papa, if you see this, she got the tickets to the Houston game. I saw it in some thread. With the 50 mile rule, I guess you can do her and the tix are all yours.

Never play leap frog with a unicorn

"A giraffe?!! They should be getting a ZEBRA!" - George Jefferson

HAHAHAHA Nice one mami, I'll use it as soon as I get the chance, and I'll brief you as soon as I'm released from the Hospital after the footinmyass removal surgery :)

@56

Just call Tom Cruise. I hear he's awesome at pulling things out of other guys' asses. He's also really good at putting things IN other guys' asses, so watch out for that. He's a sneaky bastard.

I french-kissed Seal once while Heidi tickled my asshole with a feather. I was 12.

I wish Heidi and Seal were my parents. I wish my parents had ever once come in the door with something exciting and oversized for me. Besides those times at night, I mean. Through my bedroom door. When I was trying to feign sleep through gritted teeth with the tears pooling in the back of my throat. Tasting bitter. So bitter.

Is that why you have a big_yeahyeahyeah?

Somebody please explain to me what the fuck is going on with this website?!! Did they get a new writer? Is there no REAL celebrity news? Why is it suddenly, painfully NOT funny?

I get more laughs out of posts lately. You guys are funny bastards.

To Italian Stallion: I think "mulatto" means "little goat" in...Italian.

62 - I thought mulattos were those little black and white cookies from Pepperidge Farm.

@62

I thought a mulatto was a $17 caramel flavored coffee drink from Starbucks.

howdy, guys. What is shaking?

we've missed you over there in Kelly's corner. How cute the baby Seal.

@62 - no no no, it's Billy Ray Cyrus's ugly ass haircut

They're a great couple - who could hate them? I heard that Heidi Klum speaks to them in both German and English. They're going to be smart, beautiful and probably riDONKulously rich.

Dear god.. a ferrari...

Can they clean the freaking dust off the Ferrari before taking it out?

eehh, worst celeb couple. Who cares?

Is it my imagination or does Seal barely have any fleshy part to his nose? When I have seen him in profile shots, he has no profile. What so you think Heidi sees in him??

#8, Penis size has nothing to do with female sexual pleasure.

Is it my imagination or does Seal barely have any fleshy part to his nose? When I have seen him in profile shots, he has no profile. What so you think Heidi sees in him??

Is it my imagination or does Seal barely have any fleshy part to his nose? When I have seen him in profile shots, he has no profile. What so you think Heidi sees in him??

#72, Oh, yes, it does!

I thought his pock-marks were from some Swahili "coming of age/becoming a man" ceremony where older men scar your face and pierce your penis with splinters of wood.

Kind of like how MeganHarris treats the cub scouts she's got in cages in her basement studio apartment.

well, after weeks of Britneys, Toms and alien babies, finally we see a normal family. I think.
BTW, last picture is so funny :D
(my kid also has a giraffe: Heidi Klum and Seal are as cool as I am! :P)

72 - When a hooker tells you that, she's just trying to keep you from crying.

In an article I read that Heidi referred to Seal as "handsome." Is she blind?

Hey, giraffes rule. If you are rich enough to buy a cute big-ass one that sticks out the top of your convertible like a russian nba player, good for you.

man, TS is really reaching for shit. This is celebrity news?

probably already been said, but i'd either one of them if i could drive that car!!

shit. i;d DO either one of them

that scientology shit just does not work.

hey 80 - your screen name just conjures up the most fucking awful visual imagery ... i'm serious when i say- i really hope that you are allright

84th! I hate when people do that.

Not only that, but they also needed two short mexicans to carry it out for them, talk about disgustingly lazy...and wealthy, but those two are the same pretty much.

I'm not sure, but I think Klum is Hebrew for "nothing". If only Tom Cruise had known this.Klum Cruise. I love it.

Ironically, Land-Man (post 72) states that size has nothing to do with a woman's pleasure... after he brags about a huge cock 50 bazillion times... hmm...

Let's ask Edna... how DOES Land-Man serve you? Can he bring you to the brink and beyond with his 2.4 inches?

Are we sure that they didn't buy the giraffe for some kinky sex?

79 - I bet his face probably spells out Rime of the Ancient Mariner in Braille. With that many bumps, it has to say something.

He's got a giraffe in his pants

Heidi: Don't listen to me, look at me!
Seal: Don't look at me, listen to me!
Baby: How much is in my bank account right now!?

They have those at FAO Schwarz, they're awesome.

He may be a really nice guy, I don't know, but I do know this ... He is soooooo VERY TERRIBLY UGLY ... his face looks like it caught fire, burned for 20 minutes and then someone stomped out the flames with heavy duty mountain-climbing boots!!! YUCK-YUCK-YUCK. This truly is a case of beauty and the Butt-Face BEAST, he is really BEASTLY looking... Wicked bad choice for Klum to make.