April 20, 2006
Tom Cruise is the master of language

In the shocker of all shockers, Tom Cruise isn't the linguistic expert he claims to be. Despite telling everybody Suri means "princess" in Hebrew, Hebrew linguists have confirmed that it doesn't.
Suri has only two meanings - one is a person from Syria and the other "go away" when addressed to a female. Hebrew expert Jonathan Went says, "I think it's fair to say they have made a mistake here. There are variations of the way the Hebrew name for princess is spelt but I have never seen it this way." Suri can also be translated into a Hindi boy's name, and it also means "pointy nose" in some Indian dialects and "pickpocket" in Japanese.
The crazy bastard named his daughter "pointy nosed pickpocket." I take back whatever I said about Tom Cruise, because only a genius of maniacal proportions could come up with that. I just wonder how he's gonna top it. He's gonna have to name his next kid "degenerate puppy killer" or something.
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Comments
1. Posted by Chrystal03 on April 20, 2006 03:24 PM
TCLTC
2. Posted by EvilFiend on April 20, 2006 03:24 PM
2ND!
3. Posted by Chrystal03 on April 20, 2006 03:27 PM
I fuckin love it when I fucking get 1st fucking post. FUCK!
4. Posted by brewdick on April 20, 2006 03:27 PM
all that cock has gone to his head
http://www.cafepress.com/cp/store.aspx?s=suburbangypsy.1375539
5. Posted by cat on April 20, 2006 03:31 PM
Tom Cruise... is awesome.
I love it.
That's all.
6. Posted by Steph on April 20, 2006 03:33 PM
On the bright side it SOUNDS pretty
7. Posted by Fisher55 on April 20, 2006 03:35 PM
"Apple" would have been a way more appropriate name, given the father
8. Posted by Meghann on April 20, 2006 03:35 PM
Pretty sure I called that from the first second. Leave the Jews alone, we think you're insane.
9. Posted by natoman on April 20, 2006 03:36 PM
Ok, so the name means "Go away" when addressing a female? And Tom Cruise named the child. Does this not seem the most obvious name for this child EVER?
10. Posted by 51Cent on April 20, 2006 03:37 PM
What a tool...
I feel so sorry for his poor kid, she will never be able to visit Isreal or Japan...
11. Posted by Land-Man on April 20, 2006 03:39 PM
Great, another terrorist is born. Doesn't anyone else fucking remember 9/11?
12. Posted by antispace on April 20, 2006 03:40 PM
Didn't he drop out of high school?
What do you expect. *sigh*
13. Posted by Geno on April 20, 2006 03:43 PM
Pray for that poor baby. The absolute horror of having Tommy Loony as your Dad is hard to comprehend.
http://catholictvguy.blogspot.com/
14. Posted by Jacq on April 20, 2006 03:45 PM
Sherryco would have named the baby HAIL TOM CRUISE! but the first name blank didn't have enough spaces on the birth certificate and you can't use all caps.
I fucking love it. He's a moron! See?!
In cuntonese Suri means TCLTC.
#10 - That child won't go many, many places. Like, for instance, outside.
Fuck, LandMan! Quit being an asshole already. I know you're trying to get everyone all stirred up but you're a total fucker. I didn't know anyone there nor have I ever visited New York, but I don't see any way that could be a joke. Maybe next time, a plane will land on you in the middle of Main Street USA. You know, like how that house landed on your mom in that movie, Wizard of Oz.
15. Posted by xAgonyxScenex on April 20, 2006 03:47 PM
That picture makes them look like a mob family
16. Posted by tamtamtam on April 20, 2006 03:47 PM
suri is also a kind of alpaca...
17. Posted by Fisher55 on April 20, 2006 03:51 PM
tom's suri he made a mistake
18. Posted by jugsgirl on April 20, 2006 03:51 PM
Tom Cruise was wishing for a little boy (tom loves the little boy cock). So when he found out it was a girl he decided to name her "go away".
19. Posted by booface on April 20, 2006 03:52 PM
#16, are you joking or did you not see yesterday's post where twelve other people posted this same message?
20. Posted by tamtamtam on April 20, 2006 03:57 PM
#19, it was a joke about how repetitive the comments on this site are sometimes...
21. Posted by Feed_Me_Chocolate on April 20, 2006 03:59 PM
GLORIOUS! That's what it is.
22. Posted by Skullyzena on April 20, 2006 04:01 PM
I am laughing my ass off. What an arrogant idiot. I hope to hell he is embarassed... Couldn't have happened to a better person...
23. Posted by CheekyChops on April 20, 2006 04:02 PM
Idiot celebrities. What's with the strange names?
If I have triplets, I'll name them after my best friends; Jose Cuervo, Jack Daniels and Rolling Rock.
24. Posted by Land-Man on April 20, 2006 04:05 PM
Over your head Jacq? Funny shit about the Wizard of Oz. Made me laugh my big 12" off.
25. Posted by oshkoshb-goshdammgosh on April 20, 2006 04:06 PM
I think they should name their next baby Land-Man, and then tie the baby to the back of their car and take a long trip on a bumpy dirt road.
26. Posted by gogoboots on April 20, 2006 04:09 PM
#18 That's probably the best guess to his rationale to naming her suri, however, Tom probably was trying to take a crack at sounding smart or "worldly"...or whatever alien crack he smokes nowadays...
27. Posted by FriarTuck on April 20, 2006 04:10 PM
it is going to be even funnier when he tries to cover it up by saying in Scientology it means princess..Cause L.Ron said so..
28. Posted by HollyJ on April 20, 2006 04:10 PM
the whole thing is just so surieal
29. Posted by bigponie on April 20, 2006 04:10 PM
he might as well have named her pinocchio.
30. Posted by tits_on_snack on April 20, 2006 04:10 PM
"Over your head Jacq? Funny shit about the Wizard of Oz. Made me laugh my big 12" off."
ah. so that's where it went.
31. Posted by OhHowCynical on April 20, 2006 04:12 PM
Hahaha! That's what happens when you're a know-it-all, placenta-eating dumbass!
32. Posted by Iambananas on April 20, 2006 04:14 PM
I don't think it counts to have the first post when all you write is "1st". While someone else who really should have had the first post is typing something funny and interesting, all the dumb people write "1" and think they're cool... they're not.
33. Posted by tits_on_snack on April 20, 2006 04:15 PM
Bahhh, he'll pull some whacked explanation out of his ass, and try to turn the tabes on us like WE'z the foo's.
34. Posted by tracyp on April 20, 2006 04:15 PM
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/news/archive/2006/04/20/entertainment/e092413D51.DTL&type=entertainment
Says he has them scratching their heads at the name Suri.
What a dumbass.
35. Posted by Jim Treacher on April 20, 2006 04:15 PM
SURI = Scientology's Unstoppable Robot Infant
36. Posted by FriarTuck on April 20, 2006 04:16 PM
he is an operating thetan level 7..show respect..
37. Posted by tits_on_snack on April 20, 2006 04:16 PM
#32 nobody called 1st, lay off the alien crack.
38. Posted by jpricer62 on April 20, 2006 04:17 PM
I think someone trusted an internet source a bit too much...
http://www.hebrewbabynames.com/item.cfm?itemid=758
39. Posted by sometimesboy on April 20, 2006 04:17 PM
i thought the kids name translated to '"my dad loves the cock."...
i hope he chokes on his placenta smoothie...
40. Posted by FriarTuck on April 20, 2006 04:17 PM
#35 i peed a little i laughed so hard at that one..did we ever find out who the real dad is????
41. Posted by tracyp on April 20, 2006 04:23 PM
http://jas.familyfun.go.com/babynamer?page=ShowName&name=Suri&origin=Persian&meaning=red+rose&middleName=&lastName=
Here is where he got the "red rose" translation--on familyfun.com
#38 you're right someone didn't ask the experts on this one--oh that's right, TC is the expert on ALL things.
42. Posted by bunnyhugger on April 20, 2006 04:23 PM
poor kid. every time somebody calls her, she won't know if she's coming or going.
and mr. superfish, we all know Tom Cruise is the master of only one thing.
somebody say it...
43. Posted by Jay from the Bay on April 20, 2006 04:25 PM
What a tool. What a fucking tool.
44. Posted by ChicagoBeeotch on April 20, 2006 04:26 PM
SARAH = Princess in Hebrew
45. Posted by whatupmegs on April 20, 2006 04:26 PM
i think they should have gone with something safer...like, say, Cheerio.
46. Posted by MeganHarris on April 20, 2006 04:30 PM
Forget the facts. Tom Cruise will get Websters to change the meaning and spelling of the name to be Suri, so he can be right.
47. Posted by Lala on April 20, 2006 04:30 PM
Britney tries to get a tattoo saying "mysterious" in Chinese, and it comes out as "strange". And now this.
Karma's a bitch, people, karma's a bitch.
48. Posted by bunnyhugger on April 20, 2006 04:30 PM
can you imagine her first e-meter test (whatever it's called again)?
then again, he IS dyslexic. maybe it was supposed to be IRUS. you know, like the flower? no?
i agree, jay. what a tool.
49. Posted by Carolina on April 20, 2006 04:31 PM
He should have named her OPTIMUS PRIME or RRRRRRRRRRRRR, which is a very sweet name for a little girl.
ok COCK is a good name (I Love it!!)
50. Posted by Proteon on April 20, 2006 04:32 PM
#23 don't you mean your only friends?
51. Posted by Land-Man on April 20, 2006 04:32 PM
#28, stupidest joke I've seen yet.
52. Posted by oshkoshb-goshdammgosh on April 20, 2006 04:32 PM
That alien crack is some serious shit. The other day I smoked two moon rocks and I kept seeing these little pickpocket aliens running around poking me in the shins with their pointy noses. Actually that might have been earlier today, now that I think about it...
53. Posted by bella420 on April 20, 2006 04:33 PM
#39- yes it definitly means "my dad loves the cock" in xanuian
54. Posted by Alphabeter on April 20, 2006 04:35 PM
Tom is from Syracruse, NY.
Suri Cruise = Syra cruse ?
Xenu's child got lazy.
55. Posted by bella420 on April 20, 2006 04:39 PM
meghan harris will you please shut up- last time i checked websters has no influence on the hebrew language. put your helmet back on and go back to eating your own scabs!
56. Posted by Chrystal03 on April 20, 2006 04:40 PM
Yeah #32, I said TCLTC, if you dont know what that means then you're not cool. So get off my clit!!!
57. Posted by Jacq on April 20, 2006 04:45 PM
#42 - THE COCK! THE COCK! THE COCK! What do I win?! Cock?!
58. Posted by Carolina on April 20, 2006 04:46 PM
OK I love cock to...so what??!!
59. Posted by aartard on April 20, 2006 04:47 PM
#53 - That is SO fuckin' hilarious!!!!
60. Posted by Land-Man on April 20, 2006 04:48 PM
#53, no it isn't. Look me in the eye when I shoot off.
61. Posted by Pilar Cruz on April 20, 2006 04:48 PM
In Korean, su ri is a mouth lesion. Like herpes.
62. Posted by Fisher55 on April 20, 2006 04:53 PM
In Aruban, suri means "dead cheerleader"
63. Posted by Youph on April 20, 2006 04:55 PM
"Tom is from Syracruse, NY.
Suri Cruise = Syra cruse ?
Xenu's child got lazy."
Hey, idiot, there is no such place as Syracruse, NY. It's SyraCUSE, now go sit in the corner.
64. Posted by bella420 on April 20, 2006 04:56 PM
#60- shoot off what? your mouth as ususal?
65. Posted by Crafty on April 20, 2006 04:57 PM
Is it too much to ask that Tom Cruise does everyone a favor and fucking drops dead? Preferably with a cock jammed in every orifice? I mean REALLY.
66. Posted by outrageous.opinion on April 20, 2006 05:06 PM
Isnt it very strange and ironic that he chose a biblical name?
67. Posted by Spindoc on April 20, 2006 05:08 PM
I love it, you give your kid a name and announce to the press what it means...and don't even bother to check it out?! What, like there wasn't ONE Synagogue or Temple or Jewish person within 1,000 miles that they could varify that they weren't giving the kid a name that when combined with all it's meanings means "Get away from me you female Syrian Pointy Nosed Pickpocket....classic. He was probably too busy with THE COCK to bother.
68. Posted by Angel_Baby on April 20, 2006 05:09 PM
I can't believe how much press this lunatic still gets.
69. Posted by brewdick on April 20, 2006 05:11 PM
#55 water came out of my nose! funny shit man, funny shit
70. Posted by Angel_Baby on April 20, 2006 05:12 PM
#44 is TOTALLY correct
71. Posted by Cairde on April 20, 2006 05:16 PM
Is it just me or does every single "person" in the picture for this article look like evil incarnate? Also, wouldn't Mr. Cruise have the "tech" to know what "Suri" meant in every language? I mean an OT of his level is supposed to be somewhat of a god according to Scientolody's bullshit, right? Wait!!! AI'm sorry, Mr. Cruise!!! I didn't mean that! Don't kill me with your mind powers!
72. Posted by Feed_Me_Chocolate on April 20, 2006 05:17 PM
#30 (tits_on_snack), apparently Air-Cock can't make up his mind how long he should pretend to be. Earlier it was 11", now it's 12". He should really think aboutlabeling those severed penises that he gets off of his black lovers, so that he knows which one to use for which day of the week.
73. Posted by Fipi on April 20, 2006 05:18 PM
I live in Perú and here Suri is a kind of worm that lives in the jungle. So, anywhere poor little girl.
74. Posted by Trotter on April 20, 2006 05:19 PM
Surinam the equatorial nation where Tom Crusie has set up a huge nudist scientologist enclave. He got the idea when he was visited by the ghost of Jim Jones who inhabits the body of Kirstie Alley when she's on slimfast. Apparently, he's built a giant dildo factory, run with slave labor and they are kept in bondage through voodoo. Suri is the new voodoo high-priestess and will keep the dildos coming in ever greater numbers and in huge variety.
Seriously. My cousin saw a story on it last week on E. Really.
75. Posted by calvertrangel on April 20, 2006 05:20 PM
Babynames.com says the meaning of Suri IS Princess.
http://www.babynames.com/Names/name_display.php?n=suri
76. Posted by Libraesque on April 20, 2006 05:27 PM
I don't think boycotting MI3 is enough, I think everyone, in any city he goes to promote it should show up wearing a "Tom loves the Cock" t-shirt. How fucking hilarious if an entire crowd of people had them on and it made it onto one of those nightly rag shows HAHAHAHAHAHA
77. Posted by UCSD on April 20, 2006 05:30 PM
Tom cruise is a cockmaster. Why exactly did he attempt to give his child a hebrew name? Don't scientologists get their own set of shitty space names?
78. Posted by oshkoshb-goshdammgosh on April 20, 2006 05:31 PM
75 - If babynames.com told you to jump off a bridge, would you?
The name Suri probably does mean "Princess" or "Angel" or some other gay shit in some godawful language. But if we can't make fun of Tom Cruise then what are we going to talk about? MeganHarris, NewGuy, Land-Man? I mean how are we going to sit here and waste hours of our lives talking shit about people we don't even know?! Preposterous!
79. Posted by Feed_Me_Chocolate on April 20, 2006 05:34 PM
#75
Yes, and I'm sure Babynames.com has a Hebrew linguist on staff. Apparently Tommy Boy thought they were smart sh*t too.
80. Posted by Anie900 on April 20, 2006 05:53 PM
#75, 79 and half ther rest. after some exastive research the "red rose" meaning is right but its iranian... and by exastive i mean like 3min. but the internet NEver lies.
81. Posted by Tay on April 20, 2006 05:55 PM
Surrey, England has a large Scientology Church.
Cruise knew what he ws doing. All this "princess"/ "rose" crap is a cover up.
82. Posted by colormeskanky on April 20, 2006 05:56 PM
Suri = Surrey, which is a region of England where L. Ron lived and where Scientology has it's UK headquarters.
Didn't you just have a feeling Scientology was involved somehow?
83. Posted by sherry-co on April 20, 2006 05:56 PM
All of you are JEALOUS cuz none of you thought of that name before you named your kids some boring repetitive humdrum names. Now they come up with such a WONDERFUL & BEAUTIFUL name and listen to all of you spew vileness....oh and BTW Jacq has no problem accomodating 12" of anything..He's so reamed out hell he'll probably only beg for more...
84. Posted by suzy on April 20, 2006 05:59 PM
i thought sorry would be an appropriate name from an asshole like tom cruise
85. Posted by Conductor71 on April 20, 2006 06:03 PM
It hardly matters - by now the Cock Lord will have pulled out his trusty light sabre and sacrificed poor little Pointynosed Pickpocket to Xenu or some other badly drawn cartoon character, the fucking spastic
but oh!!! how he LOVES that cock
86. Posted by Chrystal03 on April 20, 2006 06:04 PM
@83-Sherry Cola, I dont have any kids but if I did, I certaintly wouldn't name them Suri..I'd go with Jose, something less common.
87. Posted by Barbara on April 20, 2006 06:05 PM
That poor kid.
88. Posted by Dr.Rokter on April 20, 2006 06:06 PM
I'm not jealous of Tom Cruise. If I have a daughter, I've already decided to name her Seductra. After my mother.
89. Posted by calvertrangel on April 20, 2006 06:07 PM
#78 You know if you can get that worked up about what someone you'll never know would name they're child maby you should think of turning off the damn computer and getting some form of life.
No I wouldn't name my kid Suri but what other people name they're offspring is not my business and I definetly wouldn't sit around getting pissed when someone points out something that has nothing to do with me.
90. Posted by atom on April 20, 2006 06:07 PM
Hmm if you spotted the meaning at babynames.com that must mean that when she is aprox 4 years old the meaning would be somthing diffrent like "Go away girlie pickpocketeer"...
91. Posted by nursenancy on April 20, 2006 06:08 PM
SURI is a variant form of SARAH which means PRINCESS or NOBLE in Hebrew. From the Aramaic SARAH means PRINCESS, GUARDIAN ANGEL, GENIUS (Jastrow, Marcus. 1903. A Dictionary of the Targumim, the Talmud Babli and Yesushalmi, and the Midrashic Literature. v.1 Brooklyn: International Hebrew Book. 1627). Variant spelling - SURIE
92. Posted by Conductor71 on April 20, 2006 06:08 PM
#83
oh do shut up Sherry-Co, the nurse will be along in a minute with your sedative
93. Posted by oshkoshb-goshdammgosh on April 20, 2006 06:14 PM
#89 - Oops, you just did.
94. Posted by suzy on April 20, 2006 06:20 PM
oh btw
Tom LOVES THE PLACENTA
95. Posted by suzy on April 20, 2006 06:20 PM
tom cruise loves the placenta
96. Posted by suzy on April 20, 2006 06:21 PM
damnit... i thought it didnt go through the first time.. stupid computer
sorry
97. Posted by Derek Hail on April 20, 2006 06:28 PM
Something you actually may find really hilarious about Tom Cruise and regards to this post. The picture found here
http://www.derekhail.com/2006/04/20/the-tom-cruise-birth-epilogue/
with the caption of "A protective Tom Cruise takes Katie Holmes back from the hospital.
My roommate wrote it, and I still laugh every time I read it.
98. Posted by Trotter on April 20, 2006 06:32 PM
@83
What did it feel like when you realized your mother abandoned you? You were what, about 11? Is that about when your foster dad started pouring you glasses of your namesake and putting his coarse, filty fingers in your no-no spot? How long was it before you forsook your given name of Beatrice and told everyone to call you Sherry?
99. Posted by Drunk Blogger on April 20, 2006 06:34 PM
I bet his favorite language is English with a fake Cockney British accent. Get it? Oh man, I'm hilarious.
100. Posted by Derek Hail on April 20, 2006 06:40 PM
haha, i laughed at Cockney British.
101. Posted by krazyk on April 20, 2006 06:41 PM
Not that I love or even mildly like Tom Cruise, and I don't mean to defend him, but I do feel a little bad for the poor baby who has a clearly psychotic father and a dangerously aloof mother who is pretty much inhuman in her flat affect. So just to set the record straight for the kid who already has enough problems...
"Avshalom Koor, who has for years presented TV and radio spots on the intricacies of Hebrew, said Suri was a derivation of Sarah — the name of Biblical patriarch Abraham's wife — as pronounced by some Central European Jews. Suri is a pet name for Sarah," Koor told Army Radio. ‘The Ashkenazi (Jews) of Poland and Hungary pronounce it Suri.’ “
102. Posted by Drunk Blogger on April 20, 2006 06:43 PM
Hey, did anybody hear that Tom Cruise is gay? I just heard it. I can't believe it!
jk
103. Posted by Libraesque on April 20, 2006 06:47 PM
sherry co you can defend Scientology all you want, although why you would choose to do so on this site is beyond me. Please humor us, enlighten us, tell us how you have been empowered by Scientology, I'm curious, really. Tell us in what way was your life fucked up and now it isn't because of Scientology, and more importantly, how much has it cost you??? One more thing, can you explain why Scientology felt the need to drastically sway a poll a magazine TRIED to conduct regarding Tom Cruise and Scientology, by using 10 computers at the Celebrity Centere to cast 14,000 votes, hhhmmm, please, really, explain for us
104. Posted by MissAppropriated on April 20, 2006 07:02 PM
Rough translations of "sherry-co"
Persian: Stupid twat
Hebrew: Stupid twat
Iranian: Stupid twat
105. Posted by Evangelia on April 20, 2006 07:03 PM
i thought suri meant "red rose with gay father" in persian as well? or perhaps i'm paraphrasing.
106. Posted by Conductor71 on April 20, 2006 07:04 PM
news just in...Tom Cruise has finally rejected Scientology after having extensive conversations with a rabbit called Steve, who has convinced him that the world was created by a secret society of poodles wearing bowler hats who communicate with each other using enchanted harps
107. Posted by CervixAlot on April 20, 2006 07:06 PM
I thought Sarah or Sarai was hebrew for My princess >.< not SURI! lol. morons.
108. Posted by Jacq on April 20, 2006 07:09 PM
Anyone see the story about the woman who was found in a landfill? That was Sherryco. I could have sworn that bitch was dead. I was sure if I didn't do the trick that the bubonic plague would.
Sherry-
Did you run the computers that voted in the online poll? About whether Tom's image problems are his fault or the media's? See #103 if you're fucking retarded.
109. Posted by Salome on April 20, 2006 07:10 PM
The name “suri” is recognized as thedescriptive term for the lesser Rhea ofthe Ostrich family, Pheidae, for its silky,shiny feathers which have been used byroyal families as decorative adornmentsand even were found on mummiesfrom ancient times. The silky, shinyappearance of the suri commanded theattention of the native peoples of SouthAmerica who then related that term tothe similar countenance of the suri type fiber.“Suri” appears to be a noun or adjective from theAymaran language, one of the two Native Americanlanguage groups in the Andes mountains along theAltiplano of Bolivia, Chile and Peru. According tonative informants, the term “suri” means “straight”in Aymara language. The feathers of the rhea arestraight. A hard rain that falls straight down is “suri.”The reed flute of the Andean pan pipes are “suri.” Suri does not mean “lock” or “luster,” but the use of “suri” in conjunction with the pan pipes does suggest the lock formation of the suri alpaca
110. Posted by St.Minutia on April 20, 2006 07:34 PM
#106 Conductor71, can I put that on a t-shirt?
hahahahaha
111. Posted by Star Maker Machinery on April 20, 2006 07:38 PM
What's Hebrew for "manhole licking nutbag"?
112. Posted by krisdylee on April 20, 2006 07:40 PM
krisdylee loves papa's cock
113. Posted by Haley on April 20, 2006 07:41 PM
FYI - L. Ron Hubbard is from SURI, ENGLAND. Freaking rediculous.
114. Posted by scovy on April 20, 2006 07:45 PM
Hey, now...Syracuse was my brainchild, if your going to use it, at least give me the credit.
Maybe SURI is for what TOm says when he eats the afterbirth. "MMM, that suris tasty!"
115. Posted by Jacq on April 20, 2006 08:07 PM
I am watching that American Inventor show right now and that English guy is an asshole. Love it. They just crush, literally, CRUSH people's long, hard road to creating these things and send them home to kill themselves.
116. Posted by Trotter on April 20, 2006 08:48 PM
104 - I read that too!
Were you on www.cuntswhoshoulddietranslated.com?
Wierd coincidence.
117. Posted by Chrystal03 on April 20, 2006 08:57 PM
#112, Papa's hot nuts are mine, Ive got the tickets!! woot woot.
118. Posted by BoutrosBoutrosGhali on April 20, 2006 09:05 PM
So, Nicole Kidman has commented "I hope mother and baby are doing well"
I read that as:
1. She knows KH isn't the mother
2. She says nothing about TC because he is a TOOL
http://socialitelife.com/2006/04/20/nicole_kidman_quote_of_the_day.php#comments
119. Posted by BoutrosBoutrosGhali on April 20, 2006 09:05 PM
so, I wonder why Katie hasn't been allowed a comment. Or her parents.
I wonder what she will say when she is allowed to comment. Hmmm.
"I am so excited."
120. Posted by BoutrosBoutrosGhali on April 20, 2006 09:06 PM
Someone needs to get a q-tip swab of DNA from that baby
121. Posted by BoutrosBoutrosGhali on April 20, 2006 09:07 PM
inside the cheek
or a lock of hair
or a toenail clipping
something
KH's parent's will have something from KH -- they can get something from TC
122. Posted by BoutrosBoutrosGhali on April 20, 2006 09:09 PM
parents
123. Posted by colormeskanky on April 20, 2006 09:18 PM
Does anyone else think it's VERY strange that Katie's parents were on vacation when she gave birth and they haven't come to see her?? I bet Tom bought them a vacation and sent them away so they wouldn't be there. He IS SO HIDING SOMETHING. And since he's fameous you know it'll eventually get out.
When he was interviewed by Diane Sawyer he just denied everything that's been reported about him, but let's face it, Tom-- 99% of all rumors are based on some truth. Fess up, already.
124. Posted by junebug on April 20, 2006 09:22 PM
Cruise is a ticking time bomb. He's living a lie, he's the spokes man for a cult, and he's mad. It's only a matter of time before he explodes. I just hope his downfall involves Matt Stone and Trey Parker ... causing it.
125. Posted by Chrystal03 on April 20, 2006 09:49 PM
#123 I totally agree with you..her parents are Catholics and they would be right there for her..its Tom's idea to get them away because he didnt want them to experience a Scientology birth of their only daughter. What a pussy ass bloody rag clot ass hole to push her parents away. Fuckin jack ass of a man...
126. Posted by nikki on April 20, 2006 09:53 PM
this is what happens when you have been able to successfully manipulate the media for YEARS. you lose all perspective and start believing that you will allways be able to fool all of the people all of the time. but the people are on to you Tom. you named the alien after yourself, using the letters of your own name. and then you float a lie in the media saying that the name is Hebrew. and of course you succeeded for 24 hours -- even CNN repeated the rubbish. but thank goodness for bloggers. we don't just believe what we are told -- we look it up. it's getting harder and harder to manipulate eh Tom? we're on to you, you crazy bastard.
127. Posted by sherry-co on April 20, 2006 10:18 PM
Good God!! You ppl need to get a LIFE..Thank goodness for bloggers?? that is so pathetic!! all you slimy slugs need to go crawl under your trailer homes...and leave the thinking to intelligent ppl. oh and BTW Jacq says he's ready for another 12"..you wouldnt believe how reamed out he is..
128. Posted by Trotter on April 20, 2006 10:29 PM
@121
DNA sampling will be hard. Consider that TC was eating the placenta. I pitcure Tom eating every thing that comes off and out of that baby until it is weaned. Perhaps longer. Kind of like a mother cat licks her kittens, only nowhere near that cute.
Constantly licking, preening, sucking. He'll store her secretions in the fridge and put them on his Wheaties in the morning. And he'll bite her nails and spread her poop on dry crackers.
Sorry.
129. Posted by chanel_bear on April 20, 2006 10:29 PM
he's fucked, and katie has become an mindless piece of arm jewelery, ver much like the diamond cartier bracelet that he really wanted, but everybody would have thought he was gay....er more so than they do already.
all i know is that it's a good thing that kid has money coming to her, cause she's going to need some SERIOUS therapy when she's older. and what about his other adopted kids?????? do they like cease to exist now?
130. Posted by Trotter on April 20, 2006 10:30 PM
Sherry-Co! I heard you were found in a landfill! So you're ok?
131. Posted by aims_25 on April 20, 2006 10:35 PM
#76: I think that is a great plan!
132. Posted by Chrystal03 on April 20, 2006 10:37 PM
You know whats funny? #127 feels the obligation to check back on what we said and how dare she call us trailor trash, I live on a welfare park..THANK YOU!!
Sherry-Co is so stupid, she saw a sign that said "do not walk, so she ran across" ...oooh woot woot!!!
133. Posted by Conductor71 on April 21, 2006 03:42 AM
#127
Sherry-co, glad you found the time to post in between rigging internet magazine polls
134. Posted by SaSsY on April 21, 2006 06:05 AM
I'm just soooooo happy for this... you guys just made my day... MADE MY DAY...
SASSY OUT!
135. Posted by oxx on April 21, 2006 06:52 AM
"suri" means "dead" in Estonian. Or rather "had died". Nice name, Tom! :S
136. Posted by CheekyChops on April 21, 2006 07:11 AM
#50; you say that like its a bad thing.
137. Posted by Phoenix on April 21, 2006 08:27 AM
Did you know that he wanted Isabella and Connor there in the delivery room and he and Nicole had a major argument over it? So everyone should remain quite during birth so the fuckin alien won't get traumatised but it's okay for two kids who actually understand what's happening to see and hear everything. Not traumatic at all.
138. Posted by mamacita on April 21, 2006 08:44 AM
Tom Cruise will give his first post-baby interview to some shitty reporter, like Nancy O'Dell or something. He knows that she sucks so much and she'll be so thrilled to interview him that she won't ask him any of those pesky questions dealing with 'reality' and 'sanity'. My projected transcript of said interview:
Nancy O'Dell: So, how's the baby? How are you and Katie? How's LIFE Tom?
Tom Cruise: We're all so happy! The baby is amazingly gifted. She's only 2 weeks old and she can already walk, feed herself, drink from a cup, AND sacrifice her own goats!!
Nancy O'Dell: Alright. So, um, how's Katie recovering?
Tom Cruise: She's recovering fine!!! Wonderfully!!! Well, she's got me to help her!! I'm awesome!!! I'm completely impotent when it comes to having sex with women, I'm a brainwashed member of a cult, I like to brainwash new people to get them to enter the cult, I like walks on the beach, I looooove placenta, and I'm extremely small!!! Aren't I a great catch? Aren't I?? AREN'T I????????????????????????
Nancy O'Dell: Uhhh.......ok! Good, good!! Well, what's the baby's full name?
Tom Cruise: Suri Duri Cruise. I may rearrange the letters of my last name to rhyme with Suri Duri. I like rhyming because it's a form of symmetry. Symmetry is very important to me.
Nancy O'Dell: (growing increasingly flustered) Wel, um, uh, so how did the Scientology birth go?
Tom Cruise: You're one glib bitch, Nancy. You DARE to ask me that?!!! You are GLIB!!!! GLIB!! GLIB!! GLIB!! GLIB!! GLIB!! (where every instance of the word glib is punctuated by a knee to the face from Tom)
Body Guards enter: Ma'am you're gonna have to remove your face from Tom's knee. You're in his bubble. He doesn't like people in his bubble.
When it's all said and done, Nancy's face will be broken, her ribs cracked from the kick that the body guards delivered in an effort to remove her from Tom's bubble, and, well, let's just say that Tom RUINED HER SHIT!!! Tom will be crying copiously in the corner while simultaneously laughing maniacally and muttering "glib bitch" under his breath every 2.43 seconds.
Remember, I called it.
139. Posted by Dece on April 21, 2006 09:50 AM
Technically wouldn't it be:
"Go away pointy nosed pickpocket" ?
Something to ponder
140. Posted by christee on April 21, 2006 10:02 AM
sherry-co, k-fag, newguy, whoever the hell you are: fuck off! if i see the phrase "reamed out" one more time, then i will personally hunt down your TRAILER (p.s.-learn to spell, cunt!), disconnect you from the internet, remove tom's cock from your ass, beat you with it, and hand it back to him. run along now, i think your mommy is calling you.
141. Posted by katie on April 21, 2006 11:11 AM
ok so i just looked it up on babynames.com
means "wealthy" in armenian
"go away" in hebrew
"mother of the sun" in sanskrit
either way, it doesnt mean princess in hebrew, it means go away. which, i hope this little alien baby does.
142. Posted by Libraesque on April 21, 2006 12:03 PM
If that's true about her parents being on vacation, I think it's pretty obvious they are making a very loud statement that their daughter did not give birth on Tues. There is NO WAY a parent would miss the birth of their first grandchild. She gave birth in January, (the first week in January she was photographed with a flat stomach) and the kid is Chris Kleins. She's shopping at Barneys and 15 minutes later she "gives birth", and 20 minutes later they're photographed leaving the hospital...yea ..right
143. Posted by Libraesque on April 21, 2006 01:11 PM
Oh, sherryco, you know who's a loser? Your bud TC, for having a BASTARD child,(oh wait he doesn't care because it's not his DUH!) he should be ashamed of himself
144. Posted by Jacq on April 21, 2006 01:22 PM
Everyone simma' down now. Her parents will be there when she gives birth to her first HUMAN baby. Right now they are on the Sherryco all inclusive Landfill Resort Vacation. There are plenty of dirty needles to go around, so no pushing. Unless you want to shove Sherry. **Ding Ding Ding!** I think #123 is onto something.
145. Posted by Spindoc on April 21, 2006 01:24 PM
#91 no Sarai is a varient of Sarah, not Suri.
#88 Dr. Rokter. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
146. Posted by Trotter on April 21, 2006 01:37 PM
@138
A week later:
Nancy Grace is interviewing Tom regarding his suit against Access Hollywood, NBC and Nancy Dell. He’ll be claiming damages for Nancy’s “vicious assault with a deadly weapon (her face), emotional distress and slander”.
Nancy Grace: Tom, Tom, Tom. Gawd, I just love to look atchyoo aynd say your name. Tom. How aaaare yew? How is your knee?
TC: Well, I’m very excited. So EXCITED!!!!!! TO BE HERE!!!! To be here and defend my family from these vicious attacks.
NG: Ah’ve got to say, that is very upsetting footage. So graphic. As though she was trying to kill you with words, then she up and tried to kill your knee! Ah meen, that is so graphic! How did you manage to survive?
TC: Suri. I just kept picturing Suri. All alone. Without her Earth Male Authority Figure to lick her all over and ingest her holy excrement. All I thought about was Suri. Suri. *Licks lips and jumps up and down in chair like baboon.
NG: And Katie? How is she holding up?
TC: Who? Oh, THAT WOMAN!!! How did you know she’s holed up… OH! SHE’S GREAT! SHE’S EXCITED!!!! FOR ME TO BE HERE!!!! DEFENDING SURI!!!
NG: Nancy O’Dale, is an AMAZON! She could’ve keeled you! How iyeas your knee? May I kiss it? May I make it better with my womanly, healing touch? I won’t hurt you, I promise. Just one little keeass.
TC: This knee is only for Xenu. To kneel down at his altar with. No human should touch it. That evil creature, that horrible show. That hateful network. The shame! THE SHAME!!! I’ve had to sacrifice so much to cleanse it. So much PLACENTA!!
NG: Wayl, as a former prosecutor and a victim of violent crime, I believe you are totally, unequivocally justified and should be awarded all $750 Million you are claiming. And that you be allowed to sacrifice Nancy O’Dell at the altar of Xenu also. And I’m a former prosecutor and victim of violent crime, so I am 100% right. How will you kill her?
TC: Thank you Nancy, and thank Xenu. Scientology dictates that unbelievers shall be devoured by gangs of raging transsexuals, so I’ll entrust my biggest fans with the solemn duty, MeganHarris and Sherry-co who are fasting just for the big day.
147. Posted by Zed on April 21, 2006 03:29 PM
TO ALL CONCERNED:
Please note that while it is true that sherry-co tampered with that foolish poll, 14,000 votes is not even worth discussing. The number could have been so much higher if we wanted it to be.
Suri does not see the problem. Why do you? Suri rules, you don't. Case closed.
Furthermore, Suri wants you to know that sherry-co and TC are not typical Scientologists, and, on her return to the Scientology Center, sherry-co will be beaten silly until she comes to her senses. She needs to learn to keep that big mouth of hers shut.
On the other hand, we won't beat TC--he's given us lots of $$. Money talks, what can I tell you? Suri needs the money, so screw you.
Hail Xenu! Join the Scientology expedition before it is too late! Hurry!
Suri rules on Earth!
The Suri Team Leader
148. Posted by WishDoll on April 21, 2006 03:48 PM
Actually, in the Hungarian language, Szuri (pronounced the same way as Suri , as in Hungarian s = sz) means injection/shot.But used in a cute way.
Congratulations, Tom Cruise.
149. Posted by TheBishop on April 21, 2006 05:01 PM
"Mulder, why are you examining that picture of Tomkat's newborn?"
"Because it has a bithmark that looks curiously like the numbers 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42."
150. Posted by Lindz_Blowhan on April 21, 2006 06:58 PM
all i know is it's hard for people to understand you when you've got a dick in your mouth all the time....maybe he was simply telling Katie he was SORRY that he loves the cock so much and she liked the sound of it.
TCLTC (though it need not be reiterated, it's funny so why not)
151. Posted by Lindz_Blowhan on April 21, 2006 07:09 PM
in closing, the only thing Tom Cruise is the master of is the cock; he is not only the cock commander but a follower too
152. Posted by John on April 21, 2006 07:53 PM
From Wikipedia:
Suri, Ashkenazi Hebrew, Sari Modern Hebrew. A diminutive of the biblical name Sarah. Suri is a term of endearment derived from the Ashkenazi pronounciation of Sarah as "Surah". In Ashkenazi Hebrew The vowel (/ā/) is pronounced /o/, where it is /a/ in Modern Hebrew (Compare Dovid vs. David).
Sarah is the feminine version of the Hebrew word "Sar", literally meaning "ruler", thus Suri could be loosely translated as "Princess". Shari, as in Shari Lewis, is an Americanized version of the name.
I hate Tom Cruise but we should make fun of him for things he actually is wrong about.
153. Posted by nikki on April 21, 2006 10:45 PM
to #152: wikipedia has since (within the last 24 hours) updated its site to include the new meanings of the name Suri. i know because i quoted their entire listing 24 hours ago. now suddenly there is an update with the new Tom Cruise propaganda, with the following disclaimer which you conveniently forgot to post:
"Sarah is the feminine version of the Hebrew word "Sar", literally meaning "ruler", thus Suri could be loosely translated as "Princess". Shari, as in Shari Lewis, is an Americanized version of the name".
note the words "LOOSELY TRANSLATED".
also note that according to reference.com,, Suri only stands for Syracuse University Research Institute. ha ha ha.
154. Posted by nikki on April 21, 2006 10:46 PM
correction:
which you conveniently forgot to highlight.
155. Posted by Dewi on April 25, 2006 10:02 AM
Suri can mean princess In Indonesian when it is combined with Permai ---> Permai Suri
Also means "Hair comb" in Javanese
156. Posted by surina on April 26, 2006 08:57 AM
In Finnish suri means "moarned".
157. Posted by oshkoshb-goshdammgosh on April 27, 2006 06:23 PM
Word on the street is, Tom Cruise loves the cock.