Oh, please. They are both SO tiresome.

I'm first, yay for me. Yawn.

That's what happens when you marry someone with the intelligence of a retarded elephant turd. It's fun for a while, but then you smear it on your face and you move on.

The only man she cheated on Nick with was Joe Simpson. Who's your daddy???

her dad probably did have influence on her to divorce him. you could tell in the shows when nick would play golf with jess' dad... he just wanted the money and then when the show was done nick was gone too

you know they're just trying to cover their tracks...the reality is that nick and joe simpson were having a torid affair...and jessica was the only beard he could grow....

I agree with Superfish that Jessica only betrayed her vows with her father. Designing her jeans isn't the only way that he gets into them.
I wish he'd just come out and call her a cheating cunt already. I want to kick her in the crotch with a steel-toed boot.

"But if she did cheat, it was the result of something bigger,"
I think he meant she wanted someone bigger than his 4 inches. The steriods shrunk his stuff.

am i the only who finds this story truly tragic? nick loved this woman, was willing to abide by her decision to "wait until marriage" and, in my opinion, seems to be a genuinely sweet guy: i feel so horrible for him that he has to deal with the fact that he *doesnt know* if jessica cheated...i agree with him that it would be 100000000 times better to just know, for certain...god, jessica is *suchhh* a fucking bitch-ughh.

awww....he thinks he's people...

I'm just waiting to see how much she is going to have to pay to this bum in the divorce because her stupid ass didn't sign a prenup. Which, she didn't do (and daddy didn't insist on) because when they got married, she was a nobody and he was...slightly less of a nobody. Shows how much faith Joe really has in his daughter.

jessica is going to get so screwed in this divorce (unless Nick, as much of a loser as he is, could still be a "nice guy" and not go after her money)

@7

heifferzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz told me that only fat lesbians wear steel-toed boots. I guess we're both fat lesbians. Wait. I also have a mullet and I'm wearing a flannel shirt/long john shirt combo and carpenter jeans. Does that in ANY way say lesbian? Yeah, I didn't think so.

We are talking about a girl who thought chicken of the sea tuna was some sort of a rare bread of underwater breathing chickens...

i cant imagine it would have been difficult to catch her cheating. Unless of course she was going home to visit and her dad was playing hide the salami with her. great game.

Funny how Jess made Nick wait until marriage but once she got the taste of the cock she wound up boinking everything in sight. I'm sure that does a lot for Nick's ego.

Not unlike Tom Cruise, Jessica loves the cock.

#12 - I mostly deduced that I was a lesbian because my front teeth are all worn down from munching so much box. Are you wearing the long sleeve flannel with shorts, by any chance. And Doc Martens?

You know, this whole thing would have turned out differently if Nick had been the bigger star. Marrying with no prenup, they thought she was marrying up. They forgot all about their Christian roots and threw Nick to the side out of greed. She's going to be the Liz Taylor of our generation. I hate her with the intense passion of 5 fiery suns.

This guy is a tool. Unless Chestica coughs up some dough, this guy is gonna be checking into the Surreal Life house real soon.

I was going to show the world the tape me and Jessica made 2 years ago, but didn't in fear that Joe Simpson would try to kill me for fucking his pussy on the side. But if Nick really wants to know, I will be releasing it this weekend......

Joe if your reading this, I do have some Mob ties in Naples.....Don't FUCK with me!!!!!

Nick if your reading this, I FUCKED YOUR WIFE, NANNY NANNY BOO BOO........

Somewhere in the distance, I hear rolling thunder.

Nick wishes he caught her so he could get paid in the divorce settlement.

It would be great if the entire family were in a limo together on the way to a mediation, a very nice mediation trying to work out everything peacefully before going to court. And Jessica had just a little bit of her Mocha Latte left, and opened her limo door to pour out the rest so it doesn't spill in the car. And then a wild coyote jumped in through the open door and bit all of them on the face, several times. Then the wild coyote would take off, running back into the street, with the taste of the Simpson/Lachey feud all over his foaming mouth.

#11 Cancer Nipples, Remember, Nick was making more than Jessica when they first got married and her father insisted that there be NO pre-nup. I assume he thought Nick would be the one pulling in more money. SO any money he gets from her is for two reasons, one, Daddy didn't want t pre-nup, and 2. He could argue that her increasing fame is the result of their MTV show of which he was a part. Either way she better get used to being half as rich as she is now.

#18
Thunder Cunts?

Nick's funny. "I wish I WOULD walk up in this bitch and catch her cheating. Just LET me find her fuckin around on me, I WISH she WOULD!" He's such a troublemaker.

Oh Nick Nick Nick ts ts ts, I bet tomorrow he will be spotted screwing some super easy skank like Lindsay Lohan or Tara Reid.

#15, the "Liz Taylor of our generation?" Doubtful.

I have to go with Nick on this one. He must have really loved her. I mean, he spent years dating her and he wasn't even getting any. Joe Simpson is a creep, I hope Nick gets a butt load of cash.

@25

True dat. If she wanted to be the "Liz Taylor of our generation", she'd have to display some actual talent BEFORE she started acting like a skeezy ho and selling fragrances.

Here's a thought Nick: Stop pondering over what went wrong in your marriage, it obviously wasn't meant to be. Just take your divorce settlement money and stay quiet like JLo's second husband, whoever the fuck he is.

I love lesbians! Hey ladies, keep posting all of your desires and don't leave out the details. I am a long time member of the Players With Yourselves Club.

Here's a thought Nick: Stop pondering over what went wrong in your marriage, it obviously wasn't meant to be. Just take your divorce settlement money and stay quiet like JLo's second husband, whoever the fuck he is.

I love lesbians! Hey ladies, keep posting all of your desires and don't leave out the details. I am a long time member of the Players With Yourselves Club.

Here's a thought Nick: Stop pondering over what went wrong in your marriage, it obviously wasn't meant to be. Just take your divorce settlement money and stay quiet like JLo's second husband, whoever the fuck he is.

21, that was my whole point. I guess I didn't make it clear in my post or something, but you just reiterated everything I said (or meant to say, perhaps my initial post only made sense to me? Whatever I'm really tired right now.)

Personally I think Jess was stupid for marrying before ever having sex, and Nick was even stupider for saying "Okay lets wait til marraige" Morons.

I don't think she is a whore though, that is totally off. That's just my opinion. Jessica Simpson is hella lame, let me count the ways. But a 'whore', someone who sleeps around, I don't think so.

And since when does sleeping with more than one man in your life make you a whore? Sexist morons.

Yes, in other words, It was Papa Joe's fault. I knew it.

Their settlement is being mediated by their pastor, Jim Bakker. First they'll get down on their knees in front of him and pray. While their eyes are closed he'll whack off under his robe and whichever one ends up with more "holy jizz" on their face will get the bigger reward.

Jess' Dad wanted to officiate, but after years of being fucked by him, both parties found something to agree on.

Oh, and lookee here. MeganHarris had a fascinating perspective to offer. Almost as creative as Terri Schiavo's last words...

MeganHarris, you sloe-eyed, flipper-handed, patchy-hair having, Garbage Pail Kid - when I find you I'm going to stick a spear through your collarbone and pin you up on the side of a building in the South side of Chicago with a bright red swastika painted on your fat, leathery ass. And then I'm going to throw sand in your eyes and set your shoes on fire, just because I hate you that much.

Ya'll, whoever said she could act? Don't forget that Liz has also been married 65,698 times. Jessica's just getting started, give my prophecy time to fulfill itself.

#22 - Exactly.

Thanks for summing everything up, Megan. You're a fucking genius today.

Jessica is stupid for "waiting until marriage". No one should buy the car until they test-drive it. Nick should have forced himself on her very early in their relationship, then they would have broken up and saved us all from the marriage/Newlyweds/divorce debacle. And Jess could have started being a slut a long time ago.

Oshkosh:

You hate me that much? This is fascinating. Do you still wear those overalls by the way?

#39 Seriously. Yes. Not only does Osh hate you that much but everyone else here does as well.
And overalls are hot!

#39 I forgot to call you a Stupid Cunt

At least I don't wear overalls made from young boys' skin, you disgusting whore.

Ok, kiddies, I have a little play time for everyone. Go here

http://www.garbagepailkidsworld.com/create.html

and enter the username mamahatesmeganharris and the password thundercunt

Click on 'proceed without code', then 'continue', then click on 'MeganHarris'. It is my best work. Let me explain the finer points.

She's dressed like a nasty hooker, cause she is one.

She's got yucky green slime in her mouth from slobbing on Land-Man's teeny festering penis.

In her right hand, she's holding the little boy's thigh.

In her left hand, she's holding a bag of Land-Man's rancid semen, which is dripping down to be a lucky rat's dinner.

Laying at her feet,deader than dead, is Land-Man's Cock which keeled over from the stench.

Finally, she's still got a great big smile cause she's just so stupid that she doesn't realize that everything about her sucks.

@43 Mama, that is fucking phenomenal. Made me writhe in pain laughing.

I know you're married, but will your husband let you stray for just a little while? I'd be real nice and all. I'll get you drunk, high on whatever you'd like, then we could play crayons and garbage pail kids and other wholesome stuff... We could even drive around and throw stuff at homeless people. C'mon! S'fun!

Trotter, I am also writhing in pain, but it's not from laughing. It's cause my husband just kicked a hole in my stomach, so I guess that's pretty much a 'no' to that question you asked about straying for just a little while.

Mamacita - check back at Garbagepail - I created a new one for you.

That would have been funny. Nick walks in, keeps hearing "BAM!" from somewhere in the house. He storms into the bedroom expecting Margera, and finds Emeril humping her with a big ass pepper grinder.

@46

BWAHHHAAAAHAAAHHAAAA!!!! Eww, MeganHarris farted. Nasty bitch.

Mama - we'll always have Paris...

I am SICK of Jessica Simpson... I think Nick is just annoying and wouldn't be anything without Jessica... I think Joe Simpson is VERY WEIRD... Alshee Simpson is DOUBLE ANNOYING (and she can't sing)... and I don't know how Drew Lachay turned out so freaking adorable in the whole mess... that's what I think.

He want's to find her cheating so he can get alamony.

So, stirring up shit is the new publicity for an album? Ungh, stfu Nick. So Jessica garnered more popularity than you did and you couldn't be a man about it. So your debut solo album (which, ps; wtf were you thinking when you called it 'SoulO'?) was only purchased by your family. So you're divorced, 'devestated' and the lesser of two evils ... that doesn't mean that I want to hear your mournful crap. Go marry other non-celebrity Kristen What'sherfacefromLugana, and just move on, man.

#9 yes you're the only one who finds this story remotely tragic and interesting.
And no the Nick Lachey blow-up doll you use every night is NOT the real thing and he will never, ever marry you so you can stop writing "MeganHarris-Lachey" on all your notebooks.

Wild Imaginations in this crowd. Mamacita, are you 12?

Yes, it's true, I am Jessica Simpson.

God you are so clueless. I was referring to you also being #9 (merbear), not Jessica Simpson. Can you read?
Jesus - you really do NOT have any sort of humor in you at all. How the hell did you even find this site??? At least you're providing entertainment for the masses, God put you here for some reason.

MeganHarris, I demand that you show us your tits.

Lachey should just wait 6 months, buy a bowler hat and a fake mustache, speak with a British accent and try to marry her again.
because these two retards deserve each other.

Lachey should just wait 6 months, speak with a British accent, buy a bowler hat and a fake mustache, and try to marry her again.
because these two retards deserve each other.

I'm happy for him. She was a good fuck, but eventually even that lost its luster.

OhHow, I'm sure that there is much Simpson vagina to still be enjoyed and passed around. See, Nick didn't hit bottom, just just fucked up the sides.

It' sounds like someone told Nick he would call and then he didn't.

I'm with Oshkosk on this. Let's see those tits MeganHarris! You can pull them out of the formaldehyde for a good shot. Just hold them up to your chest like they were "your own".

I wish he did, that would have made for a good TV movie.

#2, I like how you said, "yah, I'm the first," and you were actually second.

I wish Nick caught Jessica cheating on camera, during the filming of Newlyweds. That would have been awesome.

I agree with that, Jessica must have been cheating on Nick with Daddy Joe, because it's a great big incestuous asinine celebrity world we live in, that's right!

62. that's quite possibly the most sick thing I've read on this site!! hahaha.

I want to know what boy-band member Ashlee will marry.
Chester from Linkin Park?
Some douche from Chemical Romance?

#62 - Titties always pop out during girl fights, right?
Trotter, Oshkosh, Italian Stallion, Mamacita - you guys can hit me up at jacq052380@hotmail.com. Please other freaks don't send a bunch of crap there unless you want to say hi.

I'm just glad these two dumb-dumbs didn't bring a child into the world. Nick are you surprised that you married a spoiled, superficial, pampered, little daddy's girl, princess and the marriage didn't work? Did you two even meet before the wedding, or did you meet for the first time when you both showed up on set to start filming your "reality show"? Go away, I can't stand looking at your fake tan, strangely blue eyes and pink lips, Ken doll face anymore! But you just keep popping up everywhere, jackass!!

@69
Nick + Steroids = Numb Nards
Joe + Jess=Product of Incest
Product of Incest = Retard
Numb Nards + Retard = no mo' babies Roger

WOW! This guy actually loved that poor confused mental midget. Love isn't just blind it's stupid.

Im glad Nick gave an interview about all of this mess...however, i dont think he let out too much, but just enough for us to draw out our own conclusions about everything (which sucks). Its official though, jessica did cheat; remember that interview she gave a while back to some magazine(I cant remember the name of the magazine, but she was on the cover looking washed out in black) where she beat around the bush when asked about her alleged affairs. And now Nick gives us bits and pieces of his side....hmmm