So you can sneeze WITH your eyes open!...Narf!

I can't believe this chick is even still around. Average looks, cosmetic who knows what, no talent and an i.q. equal to my shoe!?!? This is who people want to entertain them? I can't wait to see her wind up in a trailer, drunk and fat in 5 yrs. and a 'Where are they now' special about her current drug addictions...Go away

I can just picture the setting in which she wrote this: Sitting in an extra large tub filled with her brand of bath bubbles, (you know the ones she was hocking a while ago) with her hair wrapped up in a turban, with scented vanilla candles lit all over the place, and a box of Kleenex on hand. While her dog sitting next to the tub looking up at her with his eyes, making her think he understands her....

She is hott, I would have to bang the ridiculous out of her, but then I would make enroll in college or at least 5th grade.

I found a non-anagram of Jessica Simpson's name: BIG TITS NO TALENT.

I meant to add "her"

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Poor Jessica, no brains and no talent. What is she go to do when her looks are gone?

This bitch is totally the new fucking Dalai Lama. I'm going to start following all her teachings.

Is it just me or does Jessica's hair look like Barbara Walters?

Jessica, listen for the right path. Here, this way to divorce court. And bring your checkbook biyatch. Make it out to Nickey Lachey.

Haha! I agree, #9.

That picture is just nuts.

She's clearly an idiot. To all those people who say "She only acts dumb..", I say this: Jessica Simpson is brilliant at acting dumb in the same way that a dwarf is brilliant at being short.

For #2, she is still around because it is easy and enjoyable to make fun of retards.

AWESOME!!!! Advice on Life From Jessica Simpson! That is SO COOL!! I hope that next time she writes her advice on MARRIAGE for the rest of us idiots.

God I hope this movie bombs so I won't have to hear her speak again. Jessica, take some advice, shut up and wear something tight, you're like a politicion who's ratings drop everytime they open their mouths.

Hey, don't be dissin the Teletubbies!

She is a complete moron, but the people saying she is average looking are insane. She is beautiful, I mean I wouldn't trade my brain to look like her, but she is certainly not average.

Um... Superficial? Haven't you posted this before? Maybe, like a month or two ago??

um... lol well you stated another and i kinda skipped over that, sorry lol... but still if Jess wants to give encouragement, let her do so, doesn't mean we have to listen

oh, and that picture is hilarious lol

I love how these celebs feel it necessary to quote the bible. Just b/c her dad WAS a preacher at one point in his life. I wonder what God would say about whoring your daughters out to the entertainment industry? Cause as far as I can tell, Jessica and Ashlee aren't nuns in training.

And are people seriously THAT concerned about her that she feels she needs to leave these little messages? She's an idiot for not getting a prenup and that's her own fault.

I love how these celebs feel it necessary to quote the bible. Just b/c her dad WAS a preacher at one point in his life. I wonder what God would say about whoring your daughters out to the entertainment industry? Cause as far as I can tell, Jessica and Ashlee aren't nuns in training.

And are people seriously THAT concerned about her that she feels she needs to leave these little messages? She's an idiot for not getting a prenup and that's her own fault.

Barbra Walters??? Funny, but my first thought this morning was,

"What the fuck is Joan Rivers doing on the Superficial!?!"

Seriously - her ugly, empty soul is seeping out of her skin.

I hate her and I hate her fans even more. I hate her so much I would rather read a story about Britney Spears.

How in God's name did she get her face contorted that way? She looks like Joan Rivers!!!
Regarding her spiritual BS - VOMIT!

"Always remember that life is not a problem to be solved, it is a gift to be enjoyed." and may I add, "Jessica Simpson is not a celebrity to be taken seriously, she is a dancing monkey to be ridiculed."

Best picture of her I've ever seen.

Am I the only one who doesn't think Jessica Simpson has nice breasts? Unless the dictionary definition of 'nice' has been altered to mean 'perfectly spherical and shiny'....

I'd hit it. That rack would make me forget the fact she has the IQ of [any inanimate object].

Me thinks daddy Joe is hitting it again, and using the bible to tell her "it's ok and it's natural"... ;-D

#6 "I just threw up in my mouth a little bit."

Over what? Or are you under the mistaken impression that that hackneyed line was ever funny even in the correct context?

She's a fucking genius and you guys all know it! Where is that picture from anyway, she looks mentally retarded...

Those cans of hers exonerates her of all sins... I'd band the Jeebus right out of her.

I meant "bang" of course...

I love how the tramp goes from minister's virgin daughter to pop idol to sex symbol to Daisy Duke to separated from a douche bag and back to a devout Christian. This girl needs a therapist and ECT.

Jessica's gettin' weirder like Michael Jackson, soon her boobs will explode, hopefully no one will be around when that happens, except maybe Paris, Nicole, Misha and all those other lollipop headed bimbos.

According to the Bible, she's spoiled goods because she had another man's dick in her. If it weren't for that, I'd bust a load in her.

oh WOW! it's not every day that we get a preview of what a hot young starlet will look like when she's old, withered and beyond the beyond in face lifts!

Scary. There are so many atupid people in this world who want to see, hear & actually take seriously anything stupid celebrities say, that we have endless pics & stories about them. Are there any intelligent ones left?? I hope the movie flops like the last one did.

Does anybody believe she actually made up those deep thoughts herself? How can anyone who thinks buffalos have wings use the words 'be wise and steadfast'?

That picture's a scream.

Of course if I were she, I'd sue you for millions for posting it, but, good news, I'm not, so ha-ha! Great picture!

Nick sent it over, right?

She looks and sounds like someone who just finished Rejected Hallmark Card Quote therapy.

Is that chicken or fish that I smell?

Yep. It's fish.

If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind people and pinching them is probably a joke that gets old real fast. So does this bitch and her souless musings.

She looks like that old sneezy turtle from "The Never Ending Story".

There's absolutely no way Jessica ever said that.

"...but she has booobiieeees"...

It's amazing how much people will put up with, simply because of two dangling skin-bags of chest lard and blood vessels.

From now on, I'm using my big boobs as a licence to be a totally annoying retard.

She looks like she's 40. And she has the weirdest nose ever!

And this is the same woman who wondered if Chicken of the Sea was either Fish or Chicken?

She's always sending out those idiotic chain emails and they eventually get around to me. What she does is copy and paste them, and pretends she wrote it herself. I really try to encourage all these young girls to read more books, but they don't.

If she could even begin to understand any aspect of the bible or its history I think her head would explode.

and I don't care if she has boobs - my grandma has boobs but that doesn't mean I'm going to let her get away with being a feckking tard.

Hey, Tits_on_snack, glad to hear you are no longer driving without a license.

Thanks Joe Mamma. My baby can still ride in my lap though, right?

Firstly, I think the bible and religion is a load of bollocks. I do agree life should be enjoyed and it is not a problem.

The funny thing is...

It reminds me like if there's a newspost about a celebrity - let's all flame them because we are jealous and insecure within ourselves...

After writing this, I bet she yelled "Run's House!" and tried to cut to commercial, only to fail under the harsh circumstances of reality; the reality that her life isn't actually a TV show.

Tha-Flash -> I appreciate your philosophical approach, but please remember what web site this is...

#19 - "I wonder what God would say about whoring your daughters out to the entertainment industry?"
ha ha ha! i have often wondered the exact same thing. don't worry, everyone who wants her to go away - her one claim to fame was newlyweds...need i say more? her albums have never sold very well. and as for dukes of hazzard, i think it destroyed any chance of her being a marketable movie actress.

she is beautiful though. she should stick to modeling, a profession where you don't need to speak.

Why are we still paying attention to her???

I really liked what she had to say. It may be simple.. but it's nevertheless inspirational..

You all are lying if it didn't touch you in some way. I guess I like Jessica, she's innocent and pure.

#54, are you retarded?

shes as pure as a crack whore laying in a gutter with her legs spread. and if your inspired by her ramblings... i have some toliet paper that the virgin mary magically appeared in when i wiped my ass with it. that should keep you reeling for months.

UGH. Can't you see the beauty in what she's saying?? Her words were my gift for today, and I'm enjoying them.

"Always remember that life is not a problem to be solved, it is a gift to be enjoyed." -JC

OUPS I meant JS in my previous post. Maybe I am retarded lolz. Although JC can stand for Jesus Christ .. hmm maybe Jesus was typing through me. Or, it could be that JC just sounds cooler than JS and my subconsious decided to type it. There are so many possibilities that I'm just going to stop here.

you honestly think she thought that up herself? It sounds like she sneaked it off the back of a Dr Phil book

I wonder if she thought of this while she was felating buddy from Moron 5's balls. Probably.

i like jessica simpson too. she's stupid. but she seems like a puppet of her dad so she can't help it that she acts like a bitch. man, she ruined it for me.. i was really behind her when she was a teen angel. oh well.

i'm speechless.

haha #60... it looks like she about to felate in this picture

"Always remember that life is not a problem to be solved, it is a gift to be enjoyed."

Jessica has decided to take up Kierkegaard in her spare time? Puh-lease.

Jessica Simpson is as deep as Britney Spears' hole. Uh-oh. We're in trouble.

The voice in my head and heart is telling me to ride my bike down to whatever backwoods, deep-fried, chicken steak Southern town she's from and stick a fork in her eye. Praise Jesus!

#58...stacyrose, are you kidding? are you being sarcastic?

is that her "oh" face??? I love it... she is so hot, i dont care what any of these jealous types think... Like I really care IF shes had any work done... sure, my penis is REALLY concerned about that... hahaha

"Pay attention to the direction of the wind so that your steps will seem to walk lighter"

Uh, stacyrose, is that your name sugar? Well steps don't walk. Is steps walked, how the fuck would we get off the porch?

Now go finish your homework!

#51, fair enough :]

btw... In a very strange way, I find that face HOT!

Bug, I knew you couldn't stay away for long. In honor of you I will post twice (see #23. Not my best, but look what I'm working with).

I read on another site that Papa Joe is producing this movie. All the more reason to hope that it fails. Apparently he's the only one willing to hire her. Guess even he knows better than to do anything with Ashlee.

If I ever see Jessica Simpson I am going to bang the stupid out of her.

I just love that you paired that bit of wisdom with that funky-ass picture. Beautiful.

Please God, someone slap this stupid ho. I hope Nick gets all her money and spends it on someone who loves him and isnt an attention grabbing crap actress who wont shag him. I fuckin hate her.

I dont know whos worse her or mariah carey .... seriously homegirl is about 3 bad songs and a hoagie away from being hot blonde bombshell to ... washed up divorced woman scaring children while talking of what could of been.

Spred your Wings And Prepare To Fly For You Will Become A Butterfly ....

stacyrose are you jessica or her sister in disguise, come on, 'fess up!

so there really was not a better picture that could have been posted??

God, it looks like she's getting shot in the back of the head.

TeamLacheyRools on March 1, 2006 04:35 AM

"I hope Nick gets all her money and spends it on some" drugs, hookers, gamboolling, and causes many train wrecks.

Much better.

I think what she said is pretty and useful too.

So's toilet paper, ya douche.

Hm. Well if she is quoting from the Bible at least we know she can read and has adequate comprehension skills. That's more intelligence than whoever wrote this article. Lol, who most likely couldn't understand the proverbs to appreciate them. Sounds like the author of this article has serious issues with prejudice and self-confidence like a lot of you haters here.

Also, I wonder the same question as #77; the author of this article is seriously childish