February 21, 2006
Jessica Alba gets a traffic ticket
If you have as much money as Jessica Alba does, wouldn't it just make sense to hire a guard monkey to fling poo at any officer that might try to give you a ticket? If I had that kind of money I'd get at least two. Because if anything keeps officers away from your car more than a monkey throwing poo at them, it's two monkeys throwing poo at them.
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Comments
1. Posted by derekd on February 21, 2006 11:17 AM
Who cares?
2. Posted by BEAM on February 21, 2006 11:26 AM
Is she driving one of those EEEVIL SUV's?
3. Posted by PapaHotNuts on February 21, 2006 11:26 AM
It must be a parking ticket because she got FINE written all over her.
Cheese alert.
4. Posted by o-n on February 21, 2006 11:28 AM
The entertainment media is really stretching it now...
5. Posted by amystitz on February 21, 2006 11:30 AM
uh, yeah...she's pulling it off the windshield, so isn't that a PARKING ticket?
6. Posted by Sheva on February 21, 2006 11:36 AM
It's not a ticket, it's a flyer to a topless club and they are inviting tryouts later today.
Change your schedule Jessica.
7. Posted by Populist on February 21, 2006 11:39 AM
She seems to be handling it much better than Eva Longoria handled her last parking ticket.
8. Posted by A Nobody on February 21, 2006 11:42 AM
This isn't news. Call me when the car blows up and she survives but is in a coma and a damaged face.
Don't take me seriously.
9. Posted by LaydeeBug on February 21, 2006 11:46 AM
Eh, she probably has a percentage of her income set aside just for tickets. No biggie.
Minus 100 points for driving a gas-guzzler.
10. Posted by ESQ on February 21, 2006 12:03 PM
PapaHotNuts, Laydeebug - I missed you. : )
Now that (almost) all my hustlers are back...
In response to #6 - I think it is actually one of those flyers that K-Douche put on her "windscreen" while dressed as a burrito for buy one get one at the cheesy rip-off Taco Hell.
11. Posted by St.Minutia on February 21, 2006 12:20 PM
That's not a parking ticket. It's an annoying citation. The cops in Hollywood can give those out now.
12. Posted by Xanthia on February 21, 2006 12:20 PM
I would rather wait and read about her arrest for not paying all her parking tickets (she NEEDS that money for the gas-guzzler, ya know).
13. Posted by carriecoconut28 on February 21, 2006 12:38 PM
Why does everyone think shes so hot? Shes not, she looks like shes about 10...
14. Posted by CheekyChops on February 21, 2006 12:44 PM
She's a big bowl of nothing special.
15. Posted by LoneWolf on February 21, 2006 12:49 PM
She threw it in the glove box and there were like, a hundred other ones already in there and she said, "File that under CS". And her passenger said, "CS? What's that stand for", and she said, "Chicken Sh!t, that's what it is".
Ooops, sorry, that was a scene from "American Graffiti".
16. Posted by LaydeeBug on February 21, 2006 01:01 PM
Awwww ESQ my favorite little litigator. (mwah)
17. Posted by LaydeeBug on February 21, 2006 01:02 PM
#14, very funnyyyyy!
18. Posted by Juliette on February 21, 2006 01:02 PM
Wow celeb news must be slow today
19. Posted by BlackMamba on February 21, 2006 01:12 PM
yawn....next one
20. Posted by Doc on February 21, 2006 01:14 PM
I'll take this over stories about that skank Paris Hilton any day... anytime there is an inkling to put a Paris story up, it should immediately be replaced by a pic/story of Jessica Alba... I dont care if it is as insignificant as this...
21. Posted by miir on February 21, 2006 01:17 PM
So Jessica Alba is about 5'6"... her shoulder is roughly the height of the roofline... the average height of an SUV is 6 feet.
Hmmm
22. Posted by Spindoc on February 21, 2006 01:32 PM
Do you think if she sleeps with the ticket that it pays itself?
23. Posted by Sangiovese on February 21, 2006 01:32 PM
My guess would be a sport utility wagon. Not as high up on the evil car scale as an SUV, but up there! Evil, EVIL celebrities!
#14- LOL! I totally agree. Don't get the whole big deal with Ms. Alba. She is average with a capital "a". Maybe it has something to do with that movie she did where she was a stripper and wore chaps. What was that called?
24. Posted by Sangiovese on February 21, 2006 01:37 PM
Ok, found it:
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/sin_city/gallery.php?page=19&size=lores
You know, maybe if she dressed like this normally she wouldn't get parking tickets!
25. Posted by LaydeeBug on February 21, 2006 01:50 PM
I liked Sin City, because it had Clive Owen in it. Mmmmmm, Clive Owen.
26. Posted by Xanthia on February 21, 2006 02:00 PM
LaydeeBug: I'm with you! I like ANYTHING with Clive Owen in it!
27. Posted by Devil Is Chrome on February 21, 2006 02:06 PM
*Yawn*
Sent a scoop about Madonna and her home oxygen machines to Superficial, but Jessica Alba getting a ticket tops it, I guess.
LadeeBug - agreed about Clive Owen. That man is as fine as the day is long.
28. Posted by LaydeeBug on February 21, 2006 02:10 PM
Clive Owen Ho's, check out Gosford Park, kind of an English sleeper, but pretty good and he's in there too.
But, I will stop liking him as soon as he makes a film with Jennifer Lopez (please God, don't let that happen). Remember Ralph Fiennes? Yeah, me neither.
29. Posted by Devil Is Chrome on February 21, 2006 02:15 PM
Loved Gosford Park - there's also "I'll Sleep When I'm Dead".
I will however, also protest any attempt for Clive to act in a movie with Jennifer Lopez - whom I still believe to be Eric Cartman's hand.
30. Posted by Bishop on February 21, 2006 02:22 PM
#11: not a parking ticket. It's an annoying citation
In my country, they're the same thing. What is the difference between the two in america?
31. Posted by Captain Awesome on February 21, 2006 02:27 PM
That sucks. She can send it to me and i'd pay it off for her.
32. Posted by CakeGirl on February 21, 2006 02:28 PM
Clive Owen is hot, but so is Joseph Fiennes. What happened to him?
33. Posted by St.Minutia on February 21, 2006 02:32 PM
#30 I meant she's annoying, and should therefore be fined...
Oh, nevermind.
34. Posted by LaydeeBug on February 21, 2006 02:35 PM
#32, he was in a movie with Gwyneth, that's what happened.
#30, I don't know what a citation is either. Seems like a waste of paper to me.
35. Posted by cj14mommy on February 21, 2006 02:37 PM
hopefully it's for her dumba$$ parking in a handicap spot like she's so often been pictured doing...i don't understand what makes celebrities think they're so special, unless she feels her IQ makes her handicapped...???
36. Posted by candiikissed on February 21, 2006 02:43 PM
Ick. What is so great about Jessica Alba? She is NOT good looking and is a terrible actress.
37. Posted by Queen LaQueefah on February 21, 2006 02:54 PM
Ah, Jessica Alba: terrible actress, HORRIBLE. But she's so cute u can't hate her. too bad this is such a lame story
38. Posted by Sangiovese on February 21, 2006 03:00 PM
For those wondering what Joseph Fiennes is up to, he will be starring in the upcoming movie Running With Scissors as the character Neil Bookman... a child molester. Who needs JLo to ruin your career when you can be in a movie playing a child molester?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0439289/
39. Posted by Go Sip on February 21, 2006 03:02 PM
Usually for the Superficial I have much adulation,
But are they for real a parking citation?
They should not have posted the should definetely rescind,
Its about as newsworthy as a fart in the wind
40. Posted by ESQ on February 21, 2006 03:13 PM
At least she did not park in a handicapped spot like some celebrity did:
http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2005/12/23/kirsten_dunst_is_more_importan.html
41. Posted by Jayne on February 21, 2006 03:16 PM
#38, Gary Oldman played the child molestor/pedophile Mason Verger in Hannibal..
his career has kicked ass every since <3
...
I hate Joseph Fiennes.
Ralph probably helps get him roles.
42. Posted by LaydeeBug on February 21, 2006 03:20 PM
I like Ralph Fiennes better too. I LOVE that he lent his voice to Wallace and Gromit. (LOVE W & G!!!)
43. Posted by PostAcidYouth on February 21, 2006 03:20 PM
mmmm clive owen...*cough*
Oh yeah, the story. I thought you had to be at least 18 to drive? What's Kiddy Alba doing with a car...? Damned irresponsible parents...
44. Posted by amma on February 21, 2006 03:28 PM
...update, update, update!
45. Posted by DonLes91 on February 21, 2006 03:28 PM
Jessica Alba is the only reason I learned Spanish.
Ay mamacita! Quiero comer la panocha. Que bella eres! Cuando puedo cojerte!
Translation: I respect you as a wonderful actress and good luck in the future.
46. Posted by blackblackheart on February 21, 2006 03:28 PM
I love Jessica Alba XD
She's so beautiful she makes me smile :)
47. Posted by Devil Is Chrome on February 21, 2006 03:42 PM
Thanks BlackBlackHeart - I just lost my lunch.
48. Posted by ProtonMan on February 21, 2006 04:06 PM
Are you sure its not a note from a fan to say how much they have enjoyed following her career....not
49. Posted by HughJorganthethird on February 21, 2006 04:18 PM
"Why does everyone think she's hot?" "she's NOT good looking" bla bla bla
This might answer your question retards:
http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/intotheblue/site/extras/wallpapers/itb_wallpaper_sam1024x768_a.jpg
Now go eat another ding dong and shut the hell up.
50. Posted by Xopher.tm on February 21, 2006 04:34 PM
It's sixteen, PostAcid. Miss Alba's at least that, I think.
Also, she's cute enough, I guess, but not really anything I would kill for.
51. Posted by Bogart on February 21, 2006 04:43 PM
Nobody looks hotter picking a ticket off their windshield than Jessica Alba. Of coarse nobody looks hotter picking weeds, picking her nose, or picking dead skin off her butt than Jessica either.
52. Posted by kroft on February 21, 2006 05:11 PM
I am one who is loathe to jump on bandwagons. I think that Jessica Alba looked better when she had a few more pounds on her and before she bleached her hair (though it's dark in that picture). And she isn't a very good actress either.
However, I ain't gonna lie. Even if she's not as hot as she once was, she's still pretty damn hot. I can't imagine anyone not finding her at least somewhat attractive. And she has an appealing quality onscreen, even if her acting isn't too great.
Of course I just saw her in Into the Blue with Paul Walker (worst popular actor in Hollywood and the onscreen charisma of a turnip) and Scott Caan (annoying asshole midget with Napolean complex) so perhaps she just came off as more appealing in comparison.
And really...wtf is this news? If she took the ticket off her windshield and peed on it, fine. But otherwise..
53. Posted by eatyourfeedback on February 21, 2006 06:03 PM
She's hot and all that, but why is this post-worthy?
54. Posted by Praz on February 21, 2006 06:24 PM
In the comic book, her character was topless. That's probably the ONLY time the movie strayed from the source material. I guess she just had enough star power to sway Rodriguez.
55. Posted by MystressJade on February 21, 2006 06:29 PM
Hugh I'm with you, she is smokin'...
I'd really hit that hard.....
56. Posted by September_bebe on February 21, 2006 07:44 PM
I'm a chick and i think she's hot. Sometimes she acts a little too stuck up, I mean she has a very cute face and an awesome body, but she's no catherine zeta-jones...
57. Posted by Darby on February 21, 2006 09:05 PM
And this is gossip beecause???? Ya I know this site favors lame Paris Hilton not-gossip but come on!!!
58. Posted by Jayne on February 21, 2006 09:09 PM
I liked when Julian McMahon(sp?), her co-star in Fantastic Four, embaressed her on Leno some time ago.
It was hilarious. She reacted like a spazzy 12 year old.
59. Posted by gogoboots on February 22, 2006 12:01 AM
She can afford 500,000 car tickets at this point. Who cares?
60. Posted by Lavinia the Vainglorious on February 22, 2006 12:22 AM
Yes, she's hot, but that doesn't make this post terribly interesting. One of the other gossip sites has little blurbs from people along the lines of: "Um yeah, I saw Kim Bassinger at the Starbucks on 34th with her little dog. She was wearing a brown coat and looked happy."
This post is on par with that.
61. Posted by Cindylover1969 on February 22, 2006 02:37 AM
"She's hot"? Check.
"She isn't that great"? Check.
"Yes she IS, dammit"? Check.
"Is this a story"? Check.
"I'm a girl and I think she's hot"? Check.
At least that loser xd hasn't started his usual Albaphobic spiel yet...
62. Posted by slinkhard on February 22, 2006 10:23 AM
'This might answer your question retards:
http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/intotheblue/site/extras/wallpapers'
I actually think she looks nicer in the picture on this post. She's got a pretty face, but it looks meh on that wallpaper you linked (and on the Sin City promos.) She looked lovely in the Fantastic Four, even though it sucked.
63. Posted by LaydeeBug on February 22, 2006 12:47 PM
She does have a pretty face...pretty ordinary.
People, I pass chicks like her every day in the barrios and there are WAY prettier girls here. Oh, and they are not stuck up, not really.
64. Posted by PostAcidYouth on February 22, 2006 12:47 PM
#50...she looks around 15 years old
Ahh, there are a hundred better looking actresses than Alba, and even more that can act. I think once the general film watching public get tired of her face (it's gonna happen) her 'acting ability' isn't going to be able to keep her head above water
65. Posted by HughJorganthethird on February 22, 2006 04:29 PM
Gee I'm sorry for thinking Jessica is hot. What was I thiking ? It must bebecuase I live in an area with alot of Amish and not the Barrio. In the future I will try to be more discerning. next.
66. Posted by THRALL on February 22, 2006 04:42 PM
god she's so hot even when she's getting a ticket
67. Posted by Bogart on February 22, 2006 06:22 PM
#65 haha, my thoughts exactly.
And also, I didn't know that people would consider a site called "The Superficial, because your ugly" as a major news source on celebs. I thought this was a place to come and make fun of celebs or drool over hot chicks like Alba. If you want a site that reports celeb news seriously maybe you should consider another site lol.
If you continue complaining about how stuff on this site isn't news, and they keep reporting stuff that isn't news despite your protests, and yet you keep coming back for more, then maybe you're on the wrong site? Maybe you just like bitching? Maybe I'm wasting too much time on people who are too stupid to figure it out on this post. ok, I'm done.
68. Posted by hafaball on February 22, 2006 06:53 PM
I know I came.
69. Posted by robot_turkey on February 22, 2006 11:16 PM
I've never seen what's so great about her. She's not THAT cute.
70. Posted by thegauntlet on February 23, 2006 01:49 AM
hear, hear, 67.
thesuperficial = T + A + scathing humor
the end.
gossip junkies: spend 30 more seconds at the checkout counter and catch up on the Enquirer instead of protesting here.
71. Posted by LaydeeBug on February 23, 2006 10:44 AM
#65, Wow Hugh, there must be some hot Amish chicks there. Aren't they like Dutch? Do they really wear bonnets?