Paris is so cool. I can't imagine life without hearing about her daily. What would the world be like without paris hilton?

I can only think of ONE THING more disturbing that having to listen to Paris sing.
http://xotcho.free.fr/photos/idiot.jpg

Sadly, because it is her, the album will bomb no matter how great the music is. Like K-Feds. I know I'm not the only one who tapped my foot to Papazo! Had that been Kanye West, it would have reached #1.

Mmmm, boogers.

She also thinks she's beautiful, nice, smart, and well, beautiful, and she's been wrong on all counts.

OMFG HollyJ. Where did you find that picture? I took it years ago.

maybe paris and kfed will tour together this summer. that would be swell!

Well her "album" may be hot by Paris Hilton standards. And we all know how high her standards are. In a nutshell, it's gonna suck harder than she does. And wow is that hard.

This year is going to be sooo great!!! So many wonderfully sucktastic things to look forward to!!! I can't wait!! KFed and Paris releasing albums?? OMG it doesn't get much better...

HollyJ - you've traumatized me for the rest of the day...HAHAHA!!!

The recent seizure of a storage unit has yielded the following sample of Paris' prose. I smell a solid gold hit....or something

Val Kilmer is my man
I met him when I was in the can
Licky licky
It was a quickie
Now when I call
He says I'm icky

The End - Paris H.

good lord. does anyone remember "lets go bang" by j.love hewitt? this is sure to be a far more embarassing example of humanity.

#10, thank GOD I never had the displeasure of hearing anything JLHewitt ever did.

How would Paris know what good music is? She is always so drunk that I bet she still thinks it's her 21st birthday. As for people trashing her CD because it's her....sorry sweety, if you put out a good CD the reviews would go something like this "Paris Hiltons CD is Suprisingly good considering who she is.." or something like that. Trust me, if they trash your CD is for the same reason that people always trashes you....it sucks.

Although I understand that I am being very generous here, I can safely say that the number of people who have had sex with Paris Hilton is greater than the number that will buy her album.

Marlee Matlin said Paris's album hurt her ears. And that's sayin' somethin'.

Why does she even bother?

Will someone hit her over the head with some large blunt tool.

Personally I'm really excited to see if my ears will get an STD.

It turns out that the whole PETA thing was a promotion for her cover of "You don't bring me flours."

I'm not at all a fan of Paris Hilton (aside from my morbid fascination with her). But I've heard a couple of her songs (Screwed & Caught Up In The Rapture... I think she was just guest vocals on the latter) and she aint that bad. There are certainly worse singers; Madonna for instance. Now don't get me wrong, I love Madonna, but girl has the range of a beer can.

"It’s been a long hard process getting this CD together."

long and hard?
yeah, we already know what she did to get her ass in a studio.

This album will have a lot of slurping, heavy breathing and moans on it.

I hope her first single "Fuck Me on Tape" goes to number one.

#18
OH NO YOU DIDNT! noone can even touch Madonna. Every song she smacks down is a HIT. And her singings not A material but its way better than ALOT of these so-called singers.
she is my Goddess...(next to Angelina Jolie and Omahyra Mota)

I just can't imaging Paris's voice, singing. It just doesn't seem powerful enough, I can't picture her even being able to project her voice.
I mean maybe she could sing like Hilary Duff, who talk-sings every song and barely raises her voice above three decibles. Like she's talking, but in key with the song.
Maybe I should stop caring about this and get back to work.

#21, Easy girl, even Madonna has said in interviews "I don't have the best voice" You gonna argue with your hero?

#16 LMAO!!!!!

I cast my vote for ## 16 as the funniest post on this thread.

Vote 16 !

Maybe it'll sound good if you imbibe as much as she does in a day or maybe not...

Ummmm... guess the promo will be really original. It will feature her... munching on her CD... while she washes a trailer... right?

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Paris and K-Fed should get together for a duet!

When they release it, she can say "It's Hot!" and he can say "Fire!".

Hhmm... Fire, hot....omg, these two are operating solely with their lizard brains.

Hey, how can she lose with her prize-winning lyrics?

http://www.lyricsdownload.com/paris-hilton-screwed-lyrics.html

#10, are you sure it wasn't Paris who had an album called "Let's Go Bang"? Oh wait, I'm confusing it with "Let's Get Ass-Banged." My bad!!

Oh let me guess...Paris is going to be somewhat naked in the video all the while she has an "accidental" nip slip again. I wonder who her male interest will be in the video, my guess K-Tard.

In response to #2 - disgusting picture, but next time label NSFW.

In response to comment #13 - well said.

Because I thought the thread from #16 was so funny I looked it up on Web MD and guess what folks you can get herpees in your ears and in your throat. Def Vote 16 hands down funny.

...#16=hahahah...but #2, I am sooo beyond damaged for the rest of the day, my life...who knows?
!!!
Please you guys, if you check it out, I am warning you...save yourself.

Paris Hilton is the epitome of a worthless twat Period

Oops.. my bad ESQ
HEY EVERYONE! The link in comment 2 is NSFW or kids or.. well, anyone sensitive ...or anyone with eyeballs...

@16 LOL!! mi luv u lawn thyme

Stabbing self in ears as preemptive strike. Actually hearing her "music" would leave me no choice but to break out the ball mallet to provide a distraction (sort of like pinching yourself when falling asleep at the wheel).

i bet you it sells.

http://rab1501.blogspot.com/

#16 hahahahah! Best post ever made on thesuperficial, EVER.

How bizarre... Paris's comments about her album sound identical to the comments by K-Fed and his album. And I bet they both suck really terribly bad!!!

ESQ, you said twat (giggling)

Paris, if you're sucking, I'm buying.
But only if you swallow.

I'm not sure she'll have time to promote her album. Not if she's going to be Mother Teresa in that Bollywood film.

What if her album's really good? My life would descend into chaos, as I struggled to find meaning.

"People will trash [the still unnamed album] because it’s me, but once they listen, they’ll be shocked."

Will they be shocked because it's a good album, or because she isn't doing what she normally does, ie flashing her twat (heehee, twat) in public, and pissing in a cab?

Also...go post 16.

Well, I'm definitely intrigued. Look, if a chimp could learn sign language, then Paris can cut an album. Anything's possible.

And don't be fooled by her baby-girl talk. She has a normal woman's voice, bordering on husky.

If she had any sense, she's know that her normal voice is much more sexy.

Ewwww, did I just use sexy while describing Paris Hilton? OMG, I need a nap.

I am going to save so much money on CD's this year. Thanks Kevin and Paris.

oh man.

i just downloaded her music.

its GOD awful.

popozao is exponentially better.

Personally, Im just glad no one has come to defend her yet. She has/does/will suck at anything that requires talent.

We can all only hope that her and KFed decide to tour together. And hopefully fall in love. Then he'll sump Brit for Paris. And she'll dump him for Brit. And then the world will explode.

*typo, should be DUMB not SUMP. What's a SUMP anyways??

*typo AGAIN, should be DUMP not DUMB. I gotta put this whiskey down!!!

a sump is, appropriately enough, a hollow in which liquids collect ... I think we can consider Paris and Brit BOTH to be sumps ..

I'd hit that....

maybe she could do the soundtrack to the mother theresa movie. "oh cum, all ye faithful (all over me)" it'll be a hit.

then piss out of 8 different holes...

In response to #34 - No worries it's all good : )

In response to #39 - Oh, I am just full of dirty words, he, he

# 48
A sump is a cess pool or a hole at the lowest point of a mine shaft into which water is drained in order to be pumped out

OK let’s guess on whose album tanks first: K-Tards or Pee-pee Hilton’s any takers?

#16: definitely LOL. Any takers for #17, too?

OK, #2 that was just wrong.

Yes indeed, inspector 11, I am pretty sure all of us will have hearing aids once her song is released.

If you want a preview:

http://www.n-chicken.net/download/parishiltonscrewed.shtml

It's her "song" Screwed (that's the name) I haven't had the courage to listen to it yet. Judging by the reviews, it's a very painful experience. Wish me luck!

Okok...That was mean..this guy sings much better then Paris. I hope his feelings aren't hurt. Here's her real song:

http://rapidshare.de/files/1972290/Screwed_-_Paris_Hilton.mp3.html

I failed to mention that Screwed is pop music to the EXTREME. But it's catchy, it'll be a hit, and there'll be the obligatory club remix that the gays will love. That said, I predict the CD will be in $2 bins by year end.

I swear you heard it here first...if she comes here on tour, i will blow her tour bus up. My guess is, it's going to be the pink one. Although my theory is she is a fembot, no one could do this much dumb shit constantly, there have to be 2-3 of her out there for that ratio.

did she try and snort the flour?

I agree with #1. Seriously. Even if that was sarcasm. I don't know where I'd be if I couldn't laugh at Paris' daily slutcapades.

to #7, didn't you see/hear that Paris is a lazy cock sucker? I guess this means her album is gonna suck a little better than her. Wait.. what? I'm confused.

So, what WB show is this shit going to be the new theme song for?
P.S. That reminds me. Has Paris fucked Wilmer?

I heard that Paris Hilton's vagina actually performs the vocals on this album.

My LMAO moment was #17 "You don't bring me flours." Classic.

As for you Miss Holly, that pic is tame compared to the ear bleeding experience sure to follow Pee Pee's tuneless warbles.

Does anyone remember Naomi Campbell's 'Baby Woman'. I heard a few bars once and then blacked out. It sounded like cats fighting underwater.

I am grateful that my work computer offers no sound or I know I would be tempted to click on that link above... Phew!

I heard Lionel Richie is producing the album.

My only hope is that someone convinces Paris to call her album "I fucked the Prophet" and the cover consists of a cartoon showing Mohammed doing her from behind. Hopefully her first "performance" would then be in Beruit.

Yeah, Paris, your album is hot. But is it as hot as the rashes you leave behind?

Paris has an '06 tour lined up in support of this album. Highlights will include oral (and anal) sex simulation on the microphone, random tinkling episodes, and an explosive encore involving the shooting of golf balls from her vagina into the audience. Tour proceeds will go to her legal defense team.

What has the world got into?

#73, in my opinion (and I have many) the world has fallen into an all-time low, and the only entertainment for normal thinking folks (like most of us on this site) is to ridicule the antics of so called "celebrities" whom lower-minded people think are somehow better than the rest of the world.

How many times have you wanted to tell the world what you think of these no-talent cooze-bags and couldn't. Well, here we are and we're all over the U.S. Isn't it awesome?

I also believe that some of those celebs come on these sites and read some of this stuff. Like Pink.

And Tom, if you're listening, you suck.

Well, some of us are normal thinking folks.

Laydee Bug -

Why Does Tom Suck?

Tom Cruise?

Yup, jugs. He just irritates me, and not just recently. He's irritated me since, ummmm, since before Rainman.

Wow - what a surprise. Paris Hilton thinks something she's done is great. Stop the world.

Bitch needs to die, enough said.

Her album is hot too? Everything's hot to her, it must be the only word she knows. Well, apparently it's the only word that matters, it worth a cool mil...yes #79, the bitch needs to die, overexposed and slutty enough already people! Let's boycott Paris Hilton from superificial, who's with me?!!