the only explanation that i can think of for this photo is that jessica is feeling a bit self conscious and maybe is having some self esteem issues-what with the divorce and everything- so shes decided to surround herself with the ugliest people she knows to make sure she looks as hot as possible. well, jess, its working...you look like an angel compared to that tub of lard. it looks like jess just went to the nearest fat camp and said 'who wants to be my friend?'

In the second photo jessica looks like she has a man face. The heffer behind her is probally a relative from the sticks.

Apple in Mouth
90* turning ratio over low flame. Oink Oink.

You know, maybe it's just because I actually look at people's faces, but Jessica Simpson isn't nearly as hot as this site makes her out to be.

I think she's priddy. Wouldn't want to swap places with "Ordinary Girl" walking 3 paces behind her though. What was she thinking, letting all that flab hang out when they were bound to get papped?

Oh my crap she looks like a fucking transexual. Hot? Hot? If any men think she is looking hot than maybe they should go visit a tranny club.

As for the fat dike behind her, it's actually her sister Ashley....she's gone fucking insane, and that's her trailling after Jessica singing, "PEEESHES, PEESHES, PEESHES OF ME! ON A MONDAY FRIDAY SUNDAY!"

Fat chicks, along with black and rich women (read: Oprah Winfrey)...are the most potent combination in today's society...

Uhm.... are those elbow pads? Does anyone else see them in the crook of her elbow? They're creeping me out.

Anyway, she probably keeps her around as diet motivation.

I dont like Jessica at all, but i think she looks really good in these pictures. give jack his jacket people...

Nothing like having a beast nearby to make you look better.
Egads!

At first I thought it was Kelly Osbourne...

duh! i thought all semi-pretty girls had an ugly posse.

Why is it that Jessica Simpson always has a look on her face that is somewhere between a deep thought and a deer looking into headlights?

#5, hilarious!! PEESHES OF ME!

Posted by Cat on February 9, 2006 08:04 AM
At first I thought it was Kelly Osbourne...

My exact thought.. had just typed this:

Is that Kelly Osbourne behind her??

when I scrolled back up to make sure I wasnt duplicating someone...

I feel bad for the unknown woman. It looks like she's panting just to keep up with Jessica.

First of all, we have no idea who the 2nd woman is and to rip on her is classless and mean spirited. To those that have done so, I hope your hatred from someone you don't even know comes back and fucks your life up for good. She's not a celeb.

Why don't you fucktards post your picture so we can find faults with you?

Jessica is fair game. She's a celeb. And she looks quite fine in the pictures. She's an extremely pretty woman. Might not be the sharpest crayon in the box, but I'd be able to put up with her and watch her bat her eyes at me all day.

Looks like Jessica is thinking about why the sun went away?

As with every day that passes, she will wake up freaking out that the sun comes back every morning somehow. She wonders how it all works? Magic? maybe! Good special effects? could be! Does someone need to replace the giant bulb in the sky? who knows!

One thing Jessica knows for sure, she won't ever fucking give up!

Hatchet Face?

I dont think she is a friend, there is one of three scenarios that is possible: 1. Jessica has a huge Cheeseburger stuffed in her purse. 2. Jessica is doing charity work for fat camp and is "mentoring" the girl for the evening. 3. The girl is claiming she once slept with Nick in the comfort of her double wide trailer and she still has the DNA, on the corner of her night table and on a label of a half eaten can of spaghettios. (Sidenote: did you ever notice that the word spaghettios has the word ghetto in it?)

Kind of looks like an episode from "Wild Kingdom": Watch as the elephant chases the wolverine.

Jesus...all the people who say she's ugly need to get glasses. Girl is absolutely stunning. If you want trannys - take a look at any picture of Fergie. Now that's a man...

To me this woman looks like a crazed fan running, while panting after her yelling, "Jessie I'm from your home town, can I pleeeze get a picture of us together and an autograph! Pleeeeze I'm your biggest fan, it will just take a sec!"

Mean while Jessica is attempting to ignore her and look pretty at the same time.

Make that a retarded fan from her hometown.

#21 I do concur with you, Fergie is indeed a person of the male persuasion :)

Personally the woman behind her looks el preggos...nice that people just figure you're fat and there is no possible way someone could be preggos...

That's actually Jessica Paster, Simpson's stylist.

Stain on her dress. Did any catch the "Monica Lewinsky Stain?"

Jessica is simply granting a wish to a fan that unfortunately suffers from a terminal disease. Upon hearing of her condition, the bigg'un asked the "Make A Wish Foundation" if she could spend a day with Jessica Simpson. What is she suffering from you ask?
The girl suffers froma rare flesh-eating disease. The doctors have given her only 12 years to live.

If you laugh at this, you are going to hell.

And your going with me PapaHotNuts. "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell"

First off, Jessica always looks as though she's permanently on her own plane of existence. Second, it's not that that girl is even really fat, she's just not a stick; but that face she's making makes her look horrible. Is she singing? Sneezing?? Wouldn't you be inclined to make a decent face, or at least a "Look at the pretty colors" face (if you're Jessica) when the cameras come around?

Jessica's friend kind of looks like Hatchet Face from Cry Baby. I always wondered what happened to her.

That is a rather large Eastern European wrestler about to tackle her and demand she donate her hair for the benefit of the little wrestler she has growing in her rather large protruding stomach. Ewwww, turn around Jessica, quick! Run, Jessie, Ruuuuuun!

Oh, shit....wait.....that's MEEEE!

Celeb hater, relax, take a sip of some chamomile and then come back when SOMEONE ACTUALLLY GIVES A F**K!

You know, i'm generally not a public scolder, but i think it's warranted in this case. Seriously you guys, stop being jerks. Since when do we publicly ridicule someone (a non-star) for not looking like Jessica Simpson? you know, i'm tend to act like a jerk at times, but this has gone too far... I would hate to think what i'd look like next to Jessica. give the girl a break.

What? It's just Jessicas lame ass future. I mean her voice talents went down the toilet long ago.

You know folks, this site is what it is. If you're hanging out with celebrities, it makes you celebrity by assiciation. Which also makes you a target for ridicule as well. Her face was caught in the camera like that, that's tough, she's now fodder for foolishness. AND, even if she may be pregnant, her outfit needs considering. There was a show that came out many years ago and it was called "That's Entertainment." And this is what it is. I would expect people to make fun of me if I was famous, because I have a big, basketball ass. That's Entertainment. Don't start trying to ignite our consciences. Nobody is gonna feel bad for her. She's probably making a boat-load of money and even is she reads this post, she'll just go to the nearest Manolo Blahnik store and feel all kinds of better. Awwwwwww, poor chubby friend. Gimme a break, Puh-leeeze!

Is it wrong that I laughed lol

Courteney Cox wore this dress in Sept '05 and looked so much better in it.

http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c29/elise77/55387586.jpg

The woman behind her REALLY is Jess's stylist JESSICA PASTER. I just did a Google image search for Jessica Paster and she's the lady who came up!

Laydeebug-THANK YOU. I just posted something similar on another picture a minute ago. This website is designed to make fun of people, whether they are celebrities or a really, fat, sea-donkey friend of a celebrity. I hate having to post shit like this. But after fighting ninjas all morning, then counting all the money that my bitches made last night, I just want humor. HollyJ, SuperSpence, ESQ, Laydeebug, Shaun, and to the many others who regularly get me laughing- thank you. To the tree huggers, have fun at your next Star Trek convention. I hear Spock fucked Paris Hilton though. And K-Fed filmed it. And Lindsay Lohan ate the tape, but threw it up because she's bulemic like Nicole Ritchie. Then Brittney's baby drove to the Quick-Stop to buy some Kool Menthols for his mammy. Now Go Fuck off.

The most shocking thing about this picture is that the other woman is Jessica's STYLIST and she has no style. Even big girls can dress with with class and style and look pretty darn good. This woman is a train wreck!

I feel sorry for the box of rocks I made fun of.

#39 I definately agree...it looks classy on CC but on Jessica another pathetic attempt to remind the world that she has big breasts. I have to agree with some of you guys that it isn't really fair to compare this woman to Jessica. We all remember Jessica back in her plumper days and with access to all the plastic surgery, trainers, and chefs she has she better look damn stunning. Give those resources to the other woman and in a few months she could probably look just as "hot."

In the following photo, the stylist completes the sneeze, causing her shirt to explode open, sending a button flying at Mach 2 through the eyeball and into the brain of the unfortunate camera man, killing him instantly.

You people have a little empathy.

LaydeeBug - couldn't agree with you more. The site is here to amuse us all and poke fun of celebs and their sidekicks.

So Celeb_Hater, take a Xanax and see it for what it is. FUN!

Everyone knows that pretty girls always have a TFF. (Token Fat Friend.) That way at the bar, the pretty girl never has to worry about competition. It's called survival of the fittest, Celeb_Hater.

Hey Licky Licky, can I have Papa Hot Nuts when you're done? Don't be greedy!

(Hey Papa, when you two hit Vegas, look me up at the Luxor. ;)

ok, i concede. you have voraciously (and successfully) defended your collective right to be assholes! I'm all for poking fun at celebrities, but (call me a tree hugger, etc. - although i don't know what tree-hugging has to to with this, as i don't even recycle), i just felt a little bad for this chick (who a assumed to be "ordinary.") so,please excuse my sympathetic nature. i'll try harder in the future to be all bitter and stuff.

Seeing Jessica being chased by an overweight Soleil Moon Frye is scarier than any horror movie I've seen so far this year, and that includes "Big Momma's House 2". Go into the light!!

Maybe it's that Unibrow chick from Dodgeball.

HollyJ- pure genius.

And to CelebGossipAficionado- there's plenty of the Papa to go around.

That was pretty cheesy, I know.

Get in line CelebGossipAficionado, I saw him second. LickyLicky has dibs and she kicked my ass earlier cuz I flirted with Papa, but oh, it hurt soooo good.

I think I'm in love with HollyJ, Licky, Papa and ESQ too. Ok, throw in Jessica's manatee friend as well. Just for shits and giggles and belly laughs, bwahahahhaa!

To me the girl looks like she has Down Syndrome.

#5 - you're right. She does look like a transexual. What makes it worse is that her stylist is letting her dress like that, AND her stylist is right there with her, looking like she's from the streets.

If anyone cares, this has additional info on Jessica Paster:

http://www.eonline.com/Gossip/Fashion/TrendSpy/Archive2005/050219.html

I figure this makes her a celebrity and therefore ends the debate about her being fair game. I hope this helps.

I thought Jessica Simpson was only alllowed to hang out with her dad?

You've all gone too far this time, that's it, I've had it, enough of this making fun of the innocent bullshit - you're all gonna die and go to hell!!!

OH PLEASE - don't waste your time trying to sound righteous around here. You just make yourselves sound pathetic!! Why on earth would you be concerned for the poor pig trailing behind Jessica Simpson...we might hurt her feelings?? Good, maybe she'll jump on a treadmill and show us all - we'll be so ashamed of ourselves for everything we ever said bad about her!! HAHAHA!! Ya right - like it matters. Aren't there more important things you could concern yourself with???

fatty looks out of breath. either that or shes getting ready to eat jessica

I don't come to a site called "The Superficial" to get self-righteous. LOL!!

That would be like going to a stoner's convention advertising a 12-step program. ;)

I think the biggest problem with this picture is that Jessica's lips are nearly as big as her fat friend behind her... and damn near as ugly as well.

http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/archives/jessica_awful_trout_pout.jpg

One day "they" will discover that collagen causes cancer. Then hopefully Jessica will be forced to get those fucking things cut off for good, as well as any other parts of her that have been injected with that shit (I'm sure there are plenty...). Stupid cunt.

Allie once again you charmed me.....Christina Vincent, kudos for the cunt reference. We don't use that word nearly enough. I LOVE it.

Ok, everyone bear with me here, I have a lot of shout outs I need to mention so here goes: HollyJ, SuperSpence, ESQ, Laydeebug, Shaun, and especially PapaHotNuts and to the many others that have made me either spit my beverage out onto my monitor, almost pee and/or shit my pants or just made me laugh out loud. Thanks so much for making my day and let the laughs keep coming until GOD forbid Superficial shuts down their website.

Once again HollyJ (comment #45) Funny as hell and probably right on the money!

In response to comment #52 LaydeeBug – What are you doing later?

In response to comment #58 – That would be funny if they decided to make that into a cartoon.

And Superficial PLEASE ban memichelle77 for making the most annoying posts here as it is disruptive to our ever-growing family that is so full of (fill in the blank) thank you : )

PEACE OUT!

Obviously I cut and pasted from PapaHotNuts list and forgot to delete my name. I am not that conceded! Well, maybe just a little.

To ESQ (Laydee makes fist with right hand, taps heart twice and lifts fist up into air). Viva La Revolucion!!!!! Mucho props to ya. (shyly) "Call me!"

Who is the retarded girl chasing Jessica?

If that is, in fact, Jessica's stylist, then I say to thee: "Stylist, makeover thyself!!!"

As a woman who could use a good dose of lyposuction, I wouldn't be caught DEAD in a top like that!! It's not only about having self-respect, but about protecting the people around me from turning to stone.

You know, I hate to be a spoilsport, but I have a feeling that the chick behind her (whom other people have said was her stylist) is not actually that terrible-looking, it's just that these are very unflattering pictures of her and her outfit's not doing her justice.

I'm liking the comments, though. And to all the regulars...PapaHotNuts, LaydeeBug, etc....I'm thinkin' orgy. Right now.

#66 Allie D.- I love your style.
"Stylist, makeover thyself!!!"
I almost had a laptop/beverage emergency.

Ohhhhhh, Maiira, I love it when you get all romantic like that. MMMM, oh, crap, I just slid out of my chair.......

PapaHotNuts rules!!! Dude you hit it on the nuts with comment #41. Between solving all the world's problems and making crop circles in England I need some amusement.... don't need accuracy, just a pic and a few good lines or two. Peace out!!!

Jessica is much hotter than any woman I had or ever will have-but does that really mean anything? I mean Grandma Clampett would is to. spaghettios does not have the word ghetto in it it has the word ghettio in it.

#19 (Sidenote: did you ever notice that the word spaghettios has the word ghetto in it?)
... Umm yeah, Spaghettios actually does NOT have the word ghetto in it. It has the word "ghettIo" which really is not a word, and is not used to mean "ghetto" unless you are a fucktard. so yeah, umm stupid comment.

Maiira- unfortunately I have already had an orgy today. It was with myself, but that's beside the point. And I hate to disagree with anyone that mentions having an orgy, but looking at that thing behind Jessica, I noticed her fucking arms have tits (see picture #2). She is best suited for a Discovery channel episode featuring the rare "Walking Whales". The way she holding her mouth open it appears as if she is waiting for someone to throw her a fish.

What's with famous folks and their "stylists"? I can't believe
that Jessica PAID someone to tell her to wear this horrid
outfit!

wasn't that thing at the end of ghostbusters?

Well, PAPA, whales once walked on land about a gajillion years ago. They were four-footed land-walkers, then they went into the ocean and their noses moved up to the tops of their heads, and a jillion years later they came out on land, get jobs and work for Jessica Simpson now. Even named themselves Jessica, too. Which proves my theory that we are de-evolving.... devolving... volving...vulva, where was I???

Mulva!

You know, I have nothing against fat people, but does Shammu have a mirror? Figure it would be a tax writeoff for a stylist. Why try to rock that shit when it's gross as hell? Why would I want to see some fat roll jigglin like a vat of Jello and flabby titties all pushed up like that?
As far as women keeping a token fat friend by their side, all the TFFs do is cockblock. Gee, maybe I can get that fucked up lookin Ohio child molester dude to roll with a few friends of mine. Then it would be ON.

"Spaghettios actually does NOT have the word ghetto in it. It has the word "ghettIo" which really is not a word, and is not used to mean "ghetto" unless you are a fucktard."

Whatever bitch. U come talking that slang in my ghettio and my hommios will put a capio in your assio.

wordio.

Laydee bug, first, second, who cares? We can tag team him.

Hugh, I just laughed so loud in the office (and I'm not alone here) that tears came to my eyes. I'm still laughing, you fuck!!! Stop it!

I like the way you think Celeb. (Laughs like The Penguin)

Maybe it's just me, but does the chick behind Jess remind anyone else of Sloth (from "Goonies") in drag? ("Baby...Ruuuuth?")

Sayyyy, she totally IS about to sneeze.

That's funny. Maybe after she sneezed, a big moco flew out of her nose and landed in Jessica's hair and then she sat down in the restaurant with that big loogie in her hair.

Then the waiter sees it and drops his tray of martini's on her lap, then when she went out later and ran into some more paparazzi smellin like all kinds of gin, they went "whew, Jess must be hittin the bottle big-time since the break up."

Then she'd pull a Shelly Long in Irreconcilable Differences and eat Chubby Hubby and Chunky Monkey and show the world her REAT FAT jeans (genes). Then the stylist will be the thin one using Jessica Simian as her fat beard.

Or maybe not.

Sorry REAT=REAL

Oh and sorry for the improper use of tenses.

She's going to be the next subject of ol' K-Fed's music.

The link that bjpack provided was interesting...seems this chick *runs her ass off* daily gettin' these celebrities ready for their big nights...so why the hell is she so big? Her outfit in that pic SUCKS, so maybe she wouldn't seem so large if she wore *something that wasn't two sizes too small*!

Rori- just don't send me your bill, okay? LOL

Show's over. The fat lady has sung.

LaydeeBug: That was hawt.

PapaHotNuts: Eh, it was just a theory. Could also be bad lighting, though, who knows? Although she's not doing herself any favors with her mouth hanging open like that.

Hugh: Oh my god I think I love you. That was brilliant.

first of all....this is by far the best website EVER. i'm addicted. sometimes i check it twice a day hoping for more posts even though i secretly know i've read every word (similar to when you check the refridgerator, hoping something different will appear).

ANYWAY, the girl behind jessica is her stylist! no joke.

She looks like that lady from Pink Flamingo...

What we have here is a dreadful photo of a very average looking and shaped woman. Hands up who can honestly say they would look better next to Jessica Simpson.... with a paper bag on her head obviously.

Any more collagen and Simpson's lips are going to explode. She was prettier before she started trying to look like a duck.

And it's hard to believe a professional celebrity stylist would go out looking so shabby.

ever since j-simp had her eyelid surgery, and got this talented stylist chick, she has been in all of your wet dreams. so you should be loving and worshiping this woman in the background. just cuz she isn't a size 2 and blonde doesn't mean she's not rich bitch like dave chappelle. richer than you'll ever be!!!!

Oh, God, another "defend the poor whatever" freak. Must be a newcomer. Welcome to Superficial. We're assholes, get used to it. (Well, at least I AM)

She had EYE surgery? I didn't know that.

She's a heffer who's shouting at the paparazi "leave me alone" as if they are taking hers not chestica's photo's!!God that face would scare the life out of Shrek!!

Any woman caught in a photograph next to Jessica Simpson has to know she's going to look like a yesterday's left out tuna cassarole. Its just not fair.

jessica's always pretty early on the hottest new accessories. now, where am i gonna get a fat woman to follow me around?

Ha. if she has hot friends, this ain't one of them

HughJorganthethird: That was crazy funny. I love my Superficial friends.

Worked recently (4 weeks ago) with Ms. J and her stylist. The only thing I can say is that all the girls in J's entourage (including the stylist) wore Uggs.

In L.A.

Uggs are so 4 years ago.

The woman following behind Jessica Simpson is indeed Jessica Paster, stylist of many young A-Listers. After working with woman I can say she deserves all the ridicule you can dish out. And on that note- if anyone is wondering why our young female stars are waisting away to skin and bones, its because this woman is eating all their food!

The reason why Uggs are called that if because they are FUCKING UGGLY.

They were ALL wearing them? Jeez, what a bunch of sheep.