January 27, 2006
Joaquin Phoenix almost dies
Joaquin Phoenix’s car overturned on a canyon road and collided with another vehicle after his brakes went out, but there were no reports of injury, police said. Phoenix was driving eastbound above Sunset Strip about 2:50 p.m. yesterday when he discovered his brakes were not working.
He promptly lost control of his car, which overturned and hit another vehicle also headed eastbound. Phoenix's publicist said in a statement that he was wearing his seat belt and walked away from the scene after being helped out of his vehicle by a passer-by.
I for one am glad he's ok. He might be kinda nuts but he's a damn good actor. Maybe there's some sort of correlation. Kinda like the correlation between him rejecting my script about a troupe of gay clowns and me getting arrested for peeing in his mailbox.
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Comments
1. Posted by Sheva on January 27, 2006 10:10 AM
Well now he gets to hear the real God say:
AM I NOT MERCIFUL.
Apparently HE is. :)
2. Posted by GothamGuy on January 27, 2006 10:22 AM
Very true, Sheva.
But back to Joaquin..."brakes failed?" Come on...we all know it is more likely that his "sobriety failed."
On a kind of unrelated note...I think there should have been a scene in "Walk the Line" where Cash downed about 5 hamburgers...get it? Ha! Cause Joaquin is a vegan! I tried.
3. Posted by Shaun on January 27, 2006 10:23 AM
All that booty in the Hospital room. The nurses will be working overtime just because he is in there. I hope J.P. makes a good recovery. He is a great actor.
4. Posted by she_hate_me on January 27, 2006 10:44 AM
maybe the large frog jumped out of his hair and cut his brakes. i never trusted that frog...
5. Posted by LoneWolf on January 27, 2006 10:50 AM
Brakes don't just "fail" these days. My guess is he was going too fast, if not driving impaired. Regardless, a car crash is a better way to go than doing the horizontal funky chicken on the sidewalk in front of Viper Room while your "friends" laugh at you like his bro did.
He was pretty good in Clay Pigeons.
6. Posted by Queen LaQueefah on January 27, 2006 10:53 AM
I just applied to nursing school
7. Posted by hafaball on January 27, 2006 12:00 PM
I think Heathe Ledger cut his brakes. He really wants that Oscar and he wants it bad. I mean, he had to kiss a guy to get it. Me thinks Phillp Seymour Hoffman, David Strathairn and Russell Crowe are next :)
8. Posted by Inquintessence on January 27, 2006 12:25 PM
he used to be so hot....now hes just a bit, scary looking :(
9. Posted by Jayne on January 27, 2006 12:26 PM
thank fucking god he's ok.
10. Posted by eden on January 27, 2006 12:28 PM
He shouldn't have let the frog from his hair drive.
I love me some Joaquin. :)
11. Posted by DEVO on January 27, 2006 12:36 PM
Celebrities and cars are like an ectoskeleton built of Tinker Toys being beseiged by a sloppy child armed with a bucket of dominoes: Sooner or later, the outward infrastructure will collapse.
It's just a matter of time, as expressed by the equation postulated by Lichtenstein's greatest physicist, Isador Wirtschaftwunder III: (odometer mileage x the car's year of production) - (square root of the roadway's numerical designation - how many unchewed sticks of chewing gum were in the glove compartment on the last major bank holiday) / [i.e. divided by] the celebrity's height in centimeters - how many pieces of pizza were left in the chafing dish backstage at Metallica's last concert in Kansas City, Kan.
It's amazing that Mr. Phoenix went accident-free for this long. Those of my ilk are, however, pleased he escaped unscathed, as Mr. Phoenix is a rare commodity (read: a gifted actor) in today's entertainment industry.
=================
Jonee jumped in his Datsun
Drove out on the expressway
Went head-on into a semi
His guitar's all that's left now
He made her cry
Now she calls his name
Jonee, you're to blame
Come back, Jonee!
12. Posted by Baroness on January 27, 2006 12:57 PM
Oh wow, let's hope he doesn't get a scar.
Like above his lips, or something.
13. Posted by mrs.t on January 27, 2006 01:07 PM
baroness, that's just mean-spirited. I am so done with this unnecessarliy cruel site full of negative people. where's your compassion?
teehee.
14. Posted by leslieann on January 27, 2006 01:15 PM
he has a really old car...you know like 30 year old car. so it's really entirely possible there was some mechanical problems. i love joaquin. i think i could die happy if it turned out that he was going to be the sole actor under 40 used for any remotely interesting movie.
15. Posted by M@ce on January 27, 2006 03:55 PM
He probably got distracted when he finally realized that it was nearly impossible to pronounce his own name...Joe queen? Yo keen? how in the hell IS it pronou(SMASH)
16. Posted by megana on January 27, 2006 04:55 PM
Oh Wah-Keen. Are you alright? Even if you have been drinking, it doesn't matter to me none. I'll get you another, and another, and then a couple more...until you're so drunk I can strip each cloth from your body and ravish it to bitty chunks.
17. Posted by SMF121490 on January 27, 2006 05:56 PM
I don't know about anyone else, but this guy creeps me out. He just gives me the heebie jeebies.
18. Posted by Praz on January 27, 2006 06:57 PM
Tell me what you have been doing, busy little bee, or I shall strike down those dearest to you. You shall watch as I bathe in their blood.
19. Posted by M@ce on January 27, 2006 11:58 PM
"Brakes failed" is, of course, a common Hollywood euphemism for, "Washed down 60 Oxycontins with a half-gallon of vodka while attempting to insert a morphine suppository"
Come to think of it, maybe i'll just go test the ole "brakes" on my car...
20. Posted by WaitWhat? on January 28, 2006 02:21 AM
WHY, oh why, couldn't I have been that passer-by??????????? Dammit to hell.
21. Posted by ESQ on January 28, 2006 12:07 PM
Thank GOD he is OK, I haven't fucked him yet.