January 25, 2006
Paris Hilton sucking at Sundance

I can appreciate a play on words as much as the next guy, but why does Paris Hilton have to be so pornographic about the way she eats candy? We get it, you're a whore. You enjoy the penis. That doesn't mean everything you do has to revolve around displaying that fact. And it's not quite as scandalous when everybody has already seen you with an actual penis inside your mouth. And vagina. And pretty much any other part of the body you can imagine a penis would fit into.
One more after the jump.

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» Jack Black is Nacho Libre


Comments
1. Posted by xAgonyxScenex on January 25, 2006 12:31 PM
Dear god quit doing stories about her. Shes a waste of space and air, we know this. Not to mention she's busted ugly. I wouldnt let a dick anywhere near that face. I swear, she must have been hit in the face with a football one to many times.
2. Posted by Lynette Carrington on January 25, 2006 12:37 PM
I'm sure that when Paris was little, she rode the "short bus" to school.
3. Posted by Realistic on January 25, 2006 12:44 PM
I am starting to get the feeling that Paris might be a little morally casual.
4. Posted by HeeHaw on January 25, 2006 12:50 PM
Well I'm starting to get the feeling that Paris might be a little brain damaged.
Something isn't quite right with that girl.
Can she go away now???
5. Posted by MandySmurf on January 25, 2006 12:55 PM
When Paris Hilton stole her own porn video from a local newsstand, she made the excuse that she didn't want her preteen fanbase to see her in the video. What the hell is the difference? She's sucking a lollypop simulating oral sex... she dresses like a cheap whore... she incoherently slurs dumbass phrases in hopes to get attention. I won't be suprised if I see 10 year old children running around in miniskirts indecently sucking lollypops. Oh wait, that already happens. Silly me.
6. Posted by gigi33 on January 25, 2006 12:56 PM
How many more times are we going to have to see her being stupid? someone should literaly gag her with the lolipop. Her mom & dad must be so proud.
7. Posted by horrendous on January 25, 2006 01:09 PM
she sucks...
8. Posted by Captain_Pugwash on January 25, 2006 01:12 PM
This girl must have haggis for brains.
9. Posted by SMF121490 on January 25, 2006 01:15 PM
What is that, shit on a stick? I HATE THIS GIRL!!! She is not educated or intelligent, she is not sexy, and she is not worthy of any of the recognition everyone is giving her. She is a waste of human space and flesh. All she knows how to do is spend her daddy's money.
10. Posted by Solaera on January 25, 2006 01:18 PM
I must say that is a weird outfit she has on. It looks like some of the odd-ball clothing items my grandma used to buy me at K-Mart when I was about seven. She is just so UN-sexy. Bleah.
11. Posted by playahater101 on January 25, 2006 01:21 PM
These pics are for the few people who didn't know Paris was a whore. Now she has made it clear to everyone she likes the dick. Just goes to show she can do about any stupid thing and people will still worship her. And give her all sorts of free stuff she doesn't need.
Is she ever going to disappear?
12. Posted by playahater101 on January 25, 2006 01:25 PM
Posted by gigi33 on January 25, 2006 12:56 PM
"Her mom & dad must be so proud."
Her parents aren't exactly class acts themselves. Her mom probably took the picture!!
13. Posted by CheekyChops on January 25, 2006 01:26 PM
Posted by Captain_Pugwash on January 25, 2006 01:12 PM
This girl must have haggis for brains.
Hey, quit putting haggis down! Even minced up animal organs and innards aren't that stupid... and desperate. Thanks!
14. Posted by mrs.t on January 25, 2006 01:32 PM
#11-who worships Paris? I need names and numbers immediately.
That is a total abortion of an outfit.
15. Posted by myspoonistoobig on January 25, 2006 01:34 PM
I think her shirt's pretty hilarious. It's no doubt a not-so-subtle dig at Playboy which she recently turned down. As for the above comment about how proud her parents must be... well... have you seen the pictures of her mom partying that this site posted a couple weeks ago?
16. Posted by boo on January 25, 2006 01:44 PM
has anyone else noticed that there are chocolate lolipop drips on her shirt in the second pic?
17. Posted by TorontoBaby on January 25, 2006 01:44 PM
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, folks
18. Posted by rachel on January 25, 2006 01:45 PM
The shirt is not a subtle dig at playboy. It's to let all the boys at the Sundance Festival know that she's a whore and fucks everyone & everything like rabbits do...just in case they didn't already know that.
19. Posted by Mary45 on January 25, 2006 01:46 PM
She does this shit on purpose now so we all can talk about her. This IS her only publicity you know.
20. Posted by rachel on January 25, 2006 01:49 PM
LOL! She did drip some on her ugly Wal-mart clearance sale rack t-shirt! What a freaking slob!
21. Posted by aliomali on January 25, 2006 01:51 PM
Paris' lollipop sees more action than her brain cells...oh well, Atari pong saw more action than her brain cells...
22. Posted by Mugato on January 25, 2006 01:59 PM
What the hell is she doing at Sundance? Is she showing House of Wax 2?
23. Posted by Spindoc on January 25, 2006 02:00 PM
Can a lollipop get Crabs?
24. Posted by piercedink on January 25, 2006 02:01 PM
What? Is she so BUSY, so incredibly crushed for TIME that she can't keep up her manicure? That's not only tacky as hell, but shows how completely lazy and nasty she is. I guess she thinks no-one will notice things like food stains and peeling polish what with all the SEXY and all.
25. Posted by ESQ on January 25, 2006 02:41 PM
The outfit just screams 50% OFF AT WAL-MART AFTER CHRISTMAS SALE! Pee-Pee Hilton is like school in the summer, no class. I just want to take that stick of whatever the hell it is she is eating and jam it directly in her fucked-up eye! Doesn't she have a cab to pee in while listening to her buddy K-tard's new single "Pop-A-Zit"?
26. Posted by LOOKWHATICANDO on January 25, 2006 02:58 PM
I hate this retard, more and more with each passing day,,, Paris, Please, Go to Hell already, why wait, We all know you are going anyway, lets just pray it's in a gasoline, bikini.
27. Posted by LOOKWHATICANDO on January 25, 2006 03:03 PM
Her parents aren't exactly class acts themselves. Her mom probably took the picture!!
Playahata, Her mothers first mistake was when she swallowed, she should have spat her out immediatly
28. Posted by LOOKWHATICANDO on January 25, 2006 03:07 PM
#23
Haaaaaaaaaa Haaaaaa Tee he he, "getting up off the floor". Poor lollipop
29. Posted by KarenOttaino(954)725-4346 on January 25, 2006 03:24 PM
OMG, that's a chocolate covered marshmallow...I didn't think the girl ate!
30. Posted by hafaball on January 25, 2006 03:33 PM
There;s a fine line between whore and celebrity, and paris makes up for it. And not just penis, try cucumber, banana, light post, piece of wood, your grand father, remote control, scotch tape....
31. Posted by amma on January 25, 2006 03:37 PM
Does Paris actually have a dad? Where is he?
She is a great example of what happens when a person has no drive, no sense of self and not a lot of brains. She is like a repository for the worst of our cultural flotsam.
I mean, this is a girl, with whose family and connections and money, could be finishing her Ph.D right now, and making something of her life. She could still be pretty and shop and party and stuff...But, she's got nothing. What is her excuse for not going to Harvard or the Sorbonne?
Its like her sole ambition in life is to look and act like a {bad} pornstar. This is why I don't like her. There is just no excuse. Even really stupid people can sometimes be very good people...but she doesn't even have that.
Gross.
32. Posted by smirkingrevenge on January 25, 2006 03:52 PM
I'd hit that...with a freakin' baseball bat. Sheesh what a goddamn whore.
33. Posted by patchuga on January 25, 2006 04:12 PM
Just looking at that photo, I now feel like I should call my doctor for a Rx for herpes. Eew.
34. Posted by addonis on January 25, 2006 04:22 PM
I have no real reason to hate her,so with that said..paris you can suck my dick anytime.
35. Posted by Average on January 25, 2006 04:48 PM
Posted by Lynette Carrington
"I'm sure that when Paris was little, she rode the "short bus" to school."
I'm thinkin' she didnt even go to school.
Then again, she has made her own fortune. ;)
36. Posted by SMF121490 on January 25, 2006 05:01 PM
#18 You give Paris way too much credit for brains to think of something like that.
37. Posted by Kelly on January 25, 2006 05:09 PM
Well she made her own fortune by being a whore. If she was not rich to beging with no one would care about her, she would not have gotten exposure. I mean if it wasn't for the sex video she would not have become famous. Hate to say it but she is a creation of Americana. The rich are supposed to be better educated and overall great people. Well this bitty hasn't done shit but fuck people over to get places.
The only thing that can class up this picture would be her pissing on the candy ans she sucking it like she sucks.
38. Posted by bigfatmomma on January 25, 2006 05:19 PM
what's with the bicycle chain around her neck?
39. Posted by The Lazy Asian on January 25, 2006 05:55 PM
I'm surprised that she's only sucking on just one lollipop. I would imagine that she's accustomed to having several surrounding her - ideally in a circle. While she’s on her knees.
40. Posted by fblau on January 25, 2006 06:12 PM
I like busting on Paris as much as the next person... but you people with your "whore" comments are just being silly... I mean, she doesn't have sex in public (even though she dresses for it), she was taped having sex with ONE guy, and she's had what... 4 or 5 or even 10 boyfriends... crikey, if she's a whore I don't know WHAT you'd call ME!!!
She dresses like a high-priced hooker, and she's been known to flash a nipple or two or three or four... but seriously... let's have fun with what she IS (a no-talent bimbo socialite) not for what she ISN'T.
Dang. I just defended Paris Hilton. I am going straight to hell. Again.
41. Posted by fblau on January 25, 2006 06:13 PM
I like busting on Paris as much as the next person... but you people with your "whore" comments are just being silly... I mean, she doesn't have sex in public (even though she dresses for it), she was taped having sex with ONE guy, and she's had what... 4 or 5 or even 10 boyfriends... crikey, if she's a whore I don't know WHAT you'd call ME!!!
She dresses like a high-priced hooker, and she's been known to flash a nipple or two or three or four... but seriously... let's have fun with what she IS (a no-talent bimbo socialite) not for what she ISN'T.
Dang. I just defended Paris Hilton. I am going straight to hell. Again.
42. Posted by Mary45 on January 25, 2006 06:14 PM
#31 Amma - I agree with your sentiments but you need dedication and at least half a brain to get a PHD, not to mention an undergraduate degree. She didn't even finish high school and probably had someone take the GED for her. The only thing that makes her more worthwhile that a steaming pile is that she actually sucks cock!!(I almost wrote "coke", but I am sure she does that too).
43. Posted by fblau on January 25, 2006 06:15 PM
I like busting on Paris as much as the next person... but you people with your "whore" comments are just being silly... I mean, she doesn't have sex in public (even though she dresses for it), she was taped having sex with ONE guy, and she's had what... 4 or 5 or even 10 boyfriends... crikey, if she's a whore I don't know WHAT you'd call ME!!!
She dresses like a high-priced hooker, and she's been known to flash a nipple or two or three or four... but seriously... let's have fun with what she IS (a no-talent bimbo socialite) not for what she ISN'T.
Dang. I just defended Paris Hilton. I am going straight to hell. Again.
44. Posted by fblau on January 25, 2006 06:16 PM
of course, posting it 3 times is perhaps not the best example of my talents.
45. Posted by missesjhaynedoe on January 25, 2006 06:21 PM
What is NSFW?
46. Posted by Mary45 on January 25, 2006 06:33 PM
Not Suitable For Work? (or Wok?)
47. Posted by playahater101 on January 25, 2006 07:03 PM
#27, you are right! Her mother could have done us all a favor.
And yes, NSFW means Not Suitable for work. The last thing anyone needs is their boss catching them glancing at a titty.
48. Posted by Average on January 25, 2006 07:21 PM
Posted by fblau
"but you people with your "whore" comments are just being silly... I mean, she doesn't have sex in public, she was taped having sex with ONE guy"
A whore is someone that has sex for money.
She had sex for money...
And it WAS public...
So she is actually "one up" on normal whores.
49. Posted by equeen on January 25, 2006 08:07 PM
She's dripping all over herself. Somebody get this whore a napkin.
50. Posted by Suite4 on January 25, 2006 09:26 PM
Why don't we just stop talking about her for a change? She's just a stupid girl. she's not even hot or pretty (have you seen her nose lately?) and she dresses like a hobo (money can't buy style). Just because you talk about sex and show your vagina and dress like a whore doesn't make you a bombshell or a sex symbol and above all it doesn't mean you're actually good in bed. It just means you're an attention-seeking stupid girl. Consolation: when she's fourty and wrinkled, she'll probably be like one of those pathetic fake blond women we see in soap operas like Bold and Beautiful.
51. Posted by susie-q on January 25, 2006 10:17 PM
Yummmmmmmmmmmmmmy!!!!!!! That looks like a big gigantic marshmallow covered in caramel. I want one!!!!!!
The nails though are in sad shape. It's not like the middle nail fell off either. The index finger one is shabby as well. With all those millions you'd think she could afford a manicure before going out to the parties and such.
Kind of like Howard Hughes - all that money is rotting away at her brain. "i'm so rich i don't give a flip about my nails...."
52. Posted by HollyJ on January 25, 2006 10:17 PM
My god, she's unhinged her jaw like an egg-eater snake.
That girl could put her mouth around a Javan rhino penis.
The poor rhino.
53. Posted by HughJorganthethird on January 25, 2006 10:30 PM
What in the fuck is she doing at Sundance other than sending it's credibility down the toilet? 10 bucks says Rob Redford has her shot before the week is out.
"Independent cinema is nothing but gay cowboys eating pudding"
-Eric Cartman
54. Posted by lish520 on January 25, 2006 11:01 PM
Paris Hilton: (verb); to do absolutly nothing and be famous, to have sex for money, to be slutty or whorish.
i.e. see above picture
55. Posted by Average on January 25, 2006 11:30 PM
"Independent cinema is nothing but gay cowboys eating pudding"
-Eric Cartman
I need to start watching southpark again...
56. Posted by Binky on January 25, 2006 11:57 PM
I didn't realize there was a new Home Alone opening at Sundance - but I'm glad to see Macaulay Culkin back in the role.
He's gotta get rid of those bunny jammies though - or MJ's gonna be bothering him again. He should try something a bit more "Cary Grant" looking.
57. Posted by Sheva on January 26, 2006 12:00 AM
Paris has bumped off every whore in America from the top spot. Even if her video showed she doesn't have the most talent of whores nationwide, she just hogs the spotlight.
This chick is so in love. With herself.
58. Posted by Thin & Wicked on January 26, 2006 02:07 AM
Whoa. That'll put hair on your ass.
59. Posted by maiira on January 26, 2006 02:19 AM
I'd like to believe that the guy standing behind her came up and strangled her with that bike chain around her neck after these pictures were taken. But, alas, he probably didn't.
Wtf is up with that bike chain, anyway? Is she somehow trying to subtly convey that she's into bondage?
Nah. That'd be giving her waaaaaay too much credit.
60. Posted by shopaholic197 on January 26, 2006 02:46 AM
all my common sense says otherwise buuut...
I love her. Yes, she's trashy sometimes, probably a huge bitch in person, and a billion other wrong things. but I think Paris is adorable.
yeah. that's sexy. ( that's hot is sooo out now).
61. Posted by DiamondStudded on January 26, 2006 04:34 AM
What is she eating?
62. Posted by Shaun on January 26, 2006 04:54 AM
I'm amazed she is almost fully dressed. The guy in the background looks like he is waiting for Paris to start table dancing.
63. Posted by AmberDextrose on January 26, 2006 04:58 AM
Damn that be-yatch. You know what she's doing? She's laughing at US!
I'd love to be her - all that money to do f.all, shop 24/7, screw around, turn up anywhere, pay people to think for me... and if I ever gained a conscience about my idle consumerist lifestyle? pay someone to make it go away.
Most of all I'd like her effortlessly skinny body and perfect skin.
And then I'd pay yet ANOTHER surgeon to fix that freaky snout and do something about her Thunderbirds lips and weasely eyes.
We NEED Paris. Just to make us feel better about not being rich. Because it clearly don't buy taste or class. Or a good nosejob.
64. Posted by slinkhard on January 26, 2006 05:21 AM
The saddest thing is that she clearly thinks she looks incredibly arousing.
65. Posted by reesestet on January 26, 2006 09:23 AM
She will never make it to her thirtieth birthday if she doesn't start keeping her mouth shut and her legs closed. Somebody please beat her to death with her handcuff purse! Mary Kate, will you do the honors?
66. Posted by Badass on January 26, 2006 12:36 PM
Paris: You suck at Life.
67. Posted by juliebeanpie on January 26, 2006 03:53 PM
I read this on Female First's website:
HILTON: 'I'M NOT SEXUAL'
Celebrity socialite PARIS HILTON insists she has a low sex drive and frequently snubs steamy sessions at home - despite her raunchy reputation.
But she is adamant her titillating image is a product of her sexy sense of style, and in reality her boyfriends have commented on her less than rampant libido.
She says, "I'm sexual in pictures and the way I dress and my whole image. But at home I'm really not like that.
"All of my ex-boyfriends - not PARIS, of course - would be like, 'What's the matter with you? You're so not sexual.'"
I guess she only likes fucking the camera.
68. Posted by nbk on January 26, 2006 03:59 PM
There is one thing Paris is very good at (Yeah it's hard to believe she is actually good at something). She knows how to get attention. And atttention brings her money she does not deserve. This girl is wasting her life away while getting paid for it. All the bad things she does, she gets away with it.
Cm'on people, You and I damn well know this waste of skin doesn't deserve anything she has. We need to stop giving her more attention and tune her off.
And I am adding on to be #68. Fuck.
69. Posted by Jezabel on January 26, 2006 04:55 PM
Paris for President!!
70. Posted by BrendaPayne on January 26, 2006 08:00 PM
I see Paris has also taken up the badass new trend of wearing children's jammies as clothing (along with Lindsay Lohan, Rachel Bilson and Mischa Barton). Neat.
71. Posted by BrendaPayne on January 26, 2006 08:36 PM
"crikey, if she's a whore I don't know WHAT you'd call ME!!!"
We'd call you a whore too, fblau. Just not a rich one.
And regarding the article juliebeanpie found on Paris not being sexual, it's true. For as whorish as her "image" is, don't you guys remember her just lying there like a bump on a log in the video?
72. Posted by prideofchucky on January 26, 2006 11:03 PM
Later that lollipop was scene checking into the free clinic...
73. Posted by No_Angel on January 27, 2006 02:32 AM
Paris hilton Sucking at anything is what she's famous for, right? Or has that been said already, like 72 times?
Gack. The girl could gag a maggot. Then she'd probably have sex with it. Gack, gack gack.
74. Posted by kroft on January 27, 2006 05:40 AM
I can actually totally believe that Paris Hilton is not sexual - when nobody's around to watch or photograph her. That makes her even more pathetic. At least with her skanky-slut predecessor Pamela Anderson, you get the feeling that she actually did love the cock. That's a GENUINE dumb skanky whore.
Hell as hard as it may seem to believe Paris probably isn't even as dumb as she seems. She probably exaggerates that too for more publicity. I heard a photographer snapped her once in an unguarded moment, dressed tastefully without her blue contacts in, reading Tolstoy with her legs demurely closed. She had him killed and it was hushed up.
75. Posted by gossipmonger on January 27, 2006 09:23 AM
Posted by kroft on January 27, 2006 05:40 AM Hell as hard as it may seem to believe Paris probably isn't even as dumb as she seems. She probably exaggerates that too for more publicity.
You give her WAAAAAY to much credit for having talent, if you think her dumbness is an "act".
76. Posted by KittyKat on January 27, 2006 04:55 PM
She must think that looks sexy. Dear God, how skanky can you get before you take a look at yourself and say "Hmmm.. this is only appealing to me, and perhaps someone who's been in solitary confinement for 65 years".
77. Posted by shoyu on January 27, 2006 06:35 PM
Oh, I hate her. Wait, I'm still downloading the pictures. No, she doesn't look good at all. Wait, I have to set my new wallpaper.
78. Posted by liljbabe85 on January 27, 2006 08:59 PM
Hmm... might be sexier without the lazy eye. Well, no it wouldn't, I'm just sick of seeing her funky eye while she's trying to be all sexy.
79. Posted by Precisely on January 27, 2006 09:50 PM
Classless
80. Posted by liljbabe85 on January 28, 2006 01:31 PM
I'm sorry, but I still can't get over this eye thing. Is it a perpetual wink or was it too many drugs or is it just being weighed down by eye shadow? Somebody please clarify!
81. Posted by GreenBudsGreenTea on January 29, 2006 01:52 AM
I would SO hit that !!!
82. Posted by liljbabe85 on January 29, 2006 09:55 PM
Lazy eye, lazy eye, lazy eye! Sorry had to get that out of my system.
83. Posted by Red Rooster on January 30, 2006 01:21 AM
I hate Paris Hilton.
Some friends of mine that I was with at Sundance ran into her in a 7 eleven, but she was too drunk to sign her name. However, as soon as someone said "picture", BAM! she went into pose mode. I cannot think of a bigger waste of fresh air. Except for maybe two Paris Hiltons.
84. Posted by Debutantejaim on February 1, 2006 08:19 PM
#79 "Classless"
Nuff said.
85. Posted by LaydeeBug on February 3, 2006 10:28 AM
I think Paris has some kind of horrible skeleton in her closet, like something happened to her in the past. That is the only reason I can see for her behavior. That is one bored, alcoholic, heiress.
Oh and the sexual innnuendo with the lollipop is so early eighties. Nobody thinks that's sexy. Except 80-year-old winos, perverted third uncles adn my mothers second husband.
Has ANYone noticed that she is not even remotely pretty? She has a saggy bottom, too. I like ranking on Paris Hilton. It makes me happy, hee, hee.
86. Posted by Jum on February 27, 2006 12:54 PM
I'd rather see a picture of her after someone stuffed that candy rght down her throat along with her ugly dog.