December 05, 2005
The Osbournes are old
In news that no one cares about, Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne have vowed never to have more children because they’re too old.
"I went through that phase for about five minutes once. Then I thought, 'What are you fucking thinking?' It's like putting a gun to your head, shooting, missing and then thinking, 'I've missed. I'll try again.'
Considering the children they've already got, I'm surprised that the Osbournes haven’t already put a shotgun in their mouths, let alone try for more. Creating attractive well-adjusted children isn’t the Osbourne’s strong suit, so this is probably for the best. Ozzy can barely walk or string together syllables, so it's pretty clear he'll need a box of Viagra and possibly anesthesia to have sex. And I don’t even want to think about Sharon. I'm not a doctor, but I’m pretty sure it isn’t healthy for a baby to be pulled out of cobwebs and dust.
Sharon Osbourne No More Kids [Female First]
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Comments
1. Posted by emazing on December 5, 2005 11:45 AM
I agree. Sharon Osbourne is a stinky old blob, and if Ozzy bit the heads off of any bats, either they came out of Sharon, or she gave birth to them. If he was able to actually DO anything on his OWN, which he isn't, he should consider biting HER head off.
Sharon should just be glad that her children look like the MORLOCKS from that movie "The Time Machine", which are kind of sub-human, and EXCEPTIONALLY glad that she has one daughter, who we never see, that is actually kind of pretty and normal.
Sharon and Ozzie are now completely and totally worthless human beings, with nothing to offer this world, and they step in dog poop and don't know or care, and Sharon is rotting from the inside out.
So there!
2. Posted by HollyJ on December 5, 2005 12:42 PM
"Sex with Geriatrics"**** tonight at 7 on CBS: A blank-faced Ozzy flopping around on top of Sharon like a fish on a pier, while she lays there saying the occasional profane word at the camera.
3. Posted by Nikk The Templar on December 5, 2005 02:35 PM
They never should have had kids to begin with.....Ozzy's sperm consists of coke, weed, vodka and lard (that's how Kelly was made), therefore it should have been improbable for them to have kids.
4. Posted by Lush on December 5, 2005 03:15 PM
Wait wait wait... let me make sure I've got this right... Ozzy and Sharon AREN'T considering having more children? Cause I could have sworn that wasn't news.
5. Posted by sirokai on December 5, 2005 03:30 PM
If you think of your kids as the bane of your existence, and compare them to "shooting yourself," then they will definitely turn out bad. People like the Osbournes should not be allowed to have kids!
6. Posted by Stacyy on December 5, 2005 03:42 PM
uhm.. this was so random. there are people not having children all the time, so why is this suddenly interesting?
7. Posted by Jenny on December 5, 2005 05:05 PM
Maybe Sharon would consider getting into a time machine and erasing Jack and Kelly altogether.
8. Posted by HollyJ on December 5, 2005 06:13 PM
I'm with Jenny - retroactive birth control.
9. Posted by CompulsiveThinker on December 6, 2005 12:59 AM
"Creating attractive well-adjusted children isn’t the Osbourne’s strong suit, so this is probably for the best. Ozzy can barely walk or string together syllables, so it's pretty clear he'll need a box of Viagra and possibly anesthesia to have sex."
LOL!!!
P.S. I don't understand why they said that, 'cause it's biologically impossible for Sharon Osbourne to have more children. Not only because Ozzy is useless, but because she is post-menopausal. They can adopt, maybe. Although I don't think someone coherent and responsible would allow two people like Ozzy and Sharon to adopt. To have Kelly as a sister and Jack as a brother? Not a very good influence. Besides, Kelly is so
f--king annoying! She's a bitch, a spoiled brat! Anyway, they're so ridiculous that you can, at least, laugh at them, so maybe they're not entirely useless!!