November 09, 2005

Lindsay Lohan Marries For Revenge

Certain things have become part of my morning routine - waking up, brushing my teeth, stepping over the bodies of a dozen exhausted supermodels in mermaid costumes. I can now add 'reading about Lindsay Lohan' to that list, because much like STDs contracted on Brazilian porno shoots, she simply refuses to go away. She's now allegedly going to marry Jared Leto. According to 'a friend', Lohan’s eagerness to wed is not just because of her fondness for Leto — but also because she's angry at Paris Hilton.

She’s crazy about Jared. She says it would be great to run away, get married barefoot on the beach and shock everybody. She’s angry at Paris for hooking up with Mary-Kate Olsen’s ex, Stavros Niarchos. Catching a husband would be a poke in Paris’ eye.”

This story can't be real. People don't get married like this in real life. This is like some soap opera world. Next thing you know Paris will drug Jared so she can sleep with him and have his baby. The baby will then have some sort of learning disability and spend all day trying to feed the cat into the DVD player.

Will Lindsay Lohan and Jared Leto wed? [MSNBC]

Previous Entries