October 28, 2005

Lauren Hutton poses nude, teaches us a thing or two

Lauren Hutton, who has the second hottest 62 year-old breasts in the biz, has announced that she'll be posing nude for Big magazine. She urges women of all ages "not to listen to a 2,000-year-old patriarchal society."

Hutton is also known for her adventurous spirit, having wrestled alligators, traversed the Arctic in a dog sled and spent time with African tribesman. But one adventure in 2000 resulted in a brush with death. Hutton was riding her motorcycle with actors Dennis Hopper, Jeremy Irons and others when her bike hit some rubble on a bend while she was traveling at 100 mph. Hutton was thrown 20 feet in the air before landing face-down almost 200 feet away from the bike.

Yeah, I've been talking to the other guys in the patriarchy, and we've decided to go ahead and let Lauren Hutton pose nude. Mostly because she's more man than any of us will ever be. Frankly, she makes us look like an I Love Lucy convention. We'd rather see nudie pictures of someone nubile and sexy - preferably named Jessica, last name doesn't matter - but we're afraid that if we try to stop Hutton, she'll bust through our wall with a chain gang and beat us to death with her orthopedic motorcycle seat. In fact, we're not even going to risk it. Tell Ethel we'll be hiding in our bongo drums if she needs us.

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