October 28, 2005

Angelina Jolie Enlisting Conscripts

Like a really hot kid in a third-world candy store, Angelina Jolie is set to people the earth with even more adopted offspring. "I'm planning on it," Jolie told People Magazine at the first annual Worldwide Orphans Foundation benefit Oct. 24 in Manhattan. "Most of the night I just thought about how quickly I want to adopt again. It's a very special thing. There's something about making a choice, waking up and traveling somewhere and finding your family."

It's now quite clear what’s happening here. When not busy stealing famous husbands, practicing self-mutilation or coaxing college coeds into sexual experimentation, the woman is creating her own pan-nationalist militia. Will this militia overthrow the government? Will they carpet-bomb American cities with unopened copies of Tomb Raider 2? I have no idea. But I do know that if you live in Africa, and you have a small child, please chain that child to the donkey before you go to sleep. You don't want him/her to go 'missing'.

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