October 27, 2005

The Superficial News

• Nicole Kidman is apparently jealous of Katie Holmes' pregnancy, sparking rumors that she still has "feelings" for Tom Cruise. But unless those feelings consist mostly of wanting to slap him across the face and spit in his ear, those reports might as well be gibberish because they make no sense to me. [Tonight]

• Rapper DMX faces up to 60 days in prison after pleading guilty to violating the conditions of his release following a car crash last year at JFK International Airport, where he smashed his SUV into an airport gate while high on Valium. That's a pretty sissy crime if you ask me. It's the kind of thing my senile grandmother would do, and even she'd add that extra little flair of a flashing turn signal. And last I checked, my grandmother had very little cred in the hip hop community. Her last album didn't do so well either. Too much swearing. [AP]

• Nicollette Sheridan (the slutty one on Desperate Housewives) has called off her engagement with Swedish actor Niklas Soderblom. No word yet on her seven other engagements. Get it? Because she's a big old slut. Also, Teri Hatcher is pure and strong and everything that's good and not slutty in the world. This message brought to you by ABC. [People]

• Janet Jackson has decided to be old-fashioned and have her publicist deny reports that she has an 18-year-old daughter. This surprisingly calm and rational objection either means that she actually has nothing to hide, or she ran out of nipples to distract us with. I would normally say the latter, but Janet Jackson always has a nipple up her sleeve. [Access Hollywood]

Previous Entries