October 19, 2005

The Superficial News

• William Shatner checked into a hospital today due to lower back pain. In other news, Jessica Alba sneezed twice and Lindsay Lohan was caught scratching her arm. Because it was itchy. [E!Online]

• Paris Hilton is denying she ever had sex with Tom Sizemore, despite the fact that he claims they did on The Tom Sizemore Sex Scandal DVD. I don't care either way, but the thought of Tom Sizemore naked makes my genitals weep. [MSNBC]

• Angelina Jolie's costar on Beowulf made a small remark that the media is taking to mean that she and Brad Pitt are engaged. He then farted, which clearly implies that Angelina is actually pregnant with Brad's child. That's damn fine reporting, people. Damn fine. [Yahoo!]

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