October 12, 2005

Sienna Miller is better at cheating than Jude Law

It's been a tough year for Jude Law. His hairline began to quickly recede into Vin Diesel territory, his penis turned out to be all cold and no mountain, his son busted him for diddlin' the nanny, and after it was revealed that he regularly had threesomes with Sadie Frost and Kate Moss, he's been receiving mysterious death threats from a jealous stranger. (I know where you live, Law, and I'm watching you.) And if all that wasn't enough, he learned this week that while Sienna Miller has been giving him a hard time about his affair, she had been having an affair of her own with actor Daniel Craig.

Jude Law must be kicking himself right now. To think, while she was sleeping with what may very well be the next Bond, he was sleeping with a woman that looked like the poor man's Renée Zellweger. And Renée Zellweger is already the poor man's Renée Zellweger, so he might as well have wandered into a soup kitchen and had sex with the first hobo that didn't throw urine at him. Unless he likes that sort of thing. Which he probably does. And I don't like to play Monday morning quarterback or anything, but if Sienna Miller had just played Naked Soup Kitchen Hobo with him like he asked, this whole crisis could have been averted. Really, you can't run into the arms of another man every time your fiancé wants you to roll around in a little dirt and pee on him. And if you do, you're just not marriage material.

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