October 11, 2005

Rabbi tells Madonna to go to Hell

Kabbala is getting a taste of its own medicine after its spokesperson, Madonna, has been accused of exploiting the religion. The Queen of Pop/Ronald McDonald of celebrity cults is dedicating a new song - entitled Isaac - on her new album to the 16th-century Kabalist Rabbi Yitzhak Luria, and the Jewish religious leaders who oversee Luria's tomb are not impressed by the gesture.

Rabbi Rafael Cohen said: "Jewish law forbids the use of the name of the holy Rabbi for profit. Her act is simply unacceptable and I can only sympathise for her because of the punishment that she is going to receive from the heavens."

This makes it, what? Nine different Hells that Madonna's been condemned to? All that's left is for the Buddhists to make up a Hell just so that they can send her to it. Then I think we'll have an Underworld tour on our hands, at least until she makes an Earthly comeback riding on her high horse of the apocalypse, spreading war, famine, and disease. It'll be the least offensive she's been since the early 80's.

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