September 22, 2005
Charlize Theron has got it all
Have I ever mentioned how Charlize Theron is the best thing to happen to me since that busload of blind supermodels broke down in front of my summer house in Salt Lake City? No? Well she is, and here's why:
Not only is she an Oscar winner, but she's rumored to be in the pre-race race for yet another golden eunuch statue. She's set to guest star on five episodes of the criminally hilarious Arrested Development as of next week. She and I have the same passions (for example: not getting raped). And as if all of that wasn't enough, last Tuesday, she literally kissed Shirley MacLaine's ass, which means one of two things. Either she loves beef jerky, or the girl is way into necrophilia. And if she'll do necro, what won't she do?
Yeah, Charlize Theron is officially the best thing to happen to me, you, and mankind at large. Even my supermodel wives agree. But they still think I'm David Hasselhoff and that David Hasselhoff is an adonis, so I'd take their opinion with a grain of salt.
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Comments
1. Posted by Horace H. Kempster on September 22, 2005 09:07 AM
Some body has a CR-R-U-USH!!!!
*giggles, then cries*
2. Posted by HillaryYoung on September 22, 2005 09:21 AM
I'm a straight girl, and Charlize still makes me quiver.
3. Posted by Proteon on September 22, 2005 09:29 AM
This woman is as bland as the day is long. That and her ass is about 10 times too large to play Aeon Flux but hey, she won an oscar so fuck Aeon Flux.
4. Posted by George W. Bush on September 22, 2005 10:09 AM
Make no mistake, I'd hit it.
5. Posted by jon on September 22, 2005 10:10 AM
I don't know about you, but i'd hit David Hasselhoff.
Oh wait, Charlize who?
6. Posted by Proteon on September 22, 2005 10:14 AM
Charlize "Mighty Joe Young" Theron. Charlize "2 Days In The valley" Theron.
7. Posted by PinkRose on September 22, 2005 11:23 AM
She's a great actress, but as far as looks go..she's very bland to me. But I'm straight woman so what do I know. But will say this: she was great in "That Thing You Do" and "Devils Advocate".
8. Posted by Nikk The Templar on September 22, 2005 11:30 AM
She makes me want to slide a glass slipper onto her foot and take her away to some enchanted kingdom....and by enchanted kingdom, I mean a nice resteraunt and a movie...
9. Posted by Juliette on September 22, 2005 12:26 PM
She seems very boring to me. Her beauty makes up for it I guess.
10. Posted by asherdeus on September 22, 2005 12:41 PM
I think she's pretty overrated, but I'm not going to say that I wouldn't get her done.
11. Posted by DallasFish on September 22, 2005 12:48 PM
She was good in "That Thing You Do?" (a nice flick, don't get me wrong). She had, like 2 lines in that movie.
She looked good in it, though.
She was great in "Monster" and deserved the Oscar.
12. Posted by heartstring on September 22, 2005 01:02 PM
i agree with pinkrose. i don't think she's that pretty, but i'm a straight woman. however, i do think she's a great actress.
maybe i just don't think she's that pretty because when i see her i think of her as Aileen Wuornos.
13. Posted by kitty myers on September 22, 2005 01:42 PM
Her initials CT are a hoot :))
However, I like her short dark do.
14. Posted by mw on September 22, 2005 01:56 PM
Hmmm I notice the females calling Charlize "bland" and "not that pretty". Come on girls its OK to admit another chick is prettier then you. If Charlize is bland they you guys must be piles of steaming dog poo. With flies on top. And maggots. I mean, I'm definitely a totally hot piece of ass but even Charlize has me beat there. hahah Now the ass-kicking coolness factor is another story... mine all mine. There is no one cooler.
15. Posted by Proteon on September 22, 2005 02:04 PM
I'm a guy and I think she is bland as hell. I notice nobody has said what a great actor she is.
16. Posted by Ms. Dilligaff on September 22, 2005 02:05 PM
I just wish she was playing something other than Michael's love interest on AD. It makes me think she won't be that funny, and then I'll be disappointed. I don't LIKE to be disappointed.
17. Posted by arleetle on September 22, 2005 02:24 PM
I must say that I agree with you.
She's hot, sexy, smart and looks great in that outfit for Aeon Flux.
18. Posted by mac2048 on September 22, 2005 02:27 PM
Oh hell no, mw, I'm a woman and I would make sweet love to Charlize for the rest of eternity. And I have no problem admitting that I'm not worthy to lick her boots... though I will... you know... if she's into that and all... please say you are into that, Charlize!
19. Posted by DallasFish on September 22, 2005 02:37 PM
The only actress that could actually pass for the animated Aeon Flux is, gulp, Lara Flynn Boyle (Men in Black 2)...at least Charlize looks like a woman....
20. Posted by izzy on September 22, 2005 07:08 PM
i think she's gorgeous. has anyone ever seen "waking up in reno"? she makes white trash look really good. she's definately not bland.
21. Posted by Juliette on September 22, 2005 07:28 PM
She is a beautiful woman, no question...her personality is what seems to come across as bland.
22. Posted by heartstring on September 23, 2005 01:54 AM
mw:
when i say "i don't think she's that pretty" i mean by hollywood standards. she's still prettier than your average chick.
and proteon:
several people have mentioned what a great actress she is, myself included.
23. Posted by Dawn7 on September 23, 2005 03:37 AM
Charlize isn't quite dramatic enough for me. Aren't celebrities supposed to make complete asses out of themselves? It's like with all the media turning us into cult tabloid readers, I've forgotten about her. That is sad, because I think she is kind, and beautiful. She needs to do something to grab my attention now, or maybe my nipple..either or..
24. Posted by mutterhals on September 23, 2005 10:39 AM
You can criticize a pretty girl and not be a complete toad, Charlize is attractive enough but personality wise she is null and void. Give me Milla Jovovich any day
25. Posted by mutterhals on September 23, 2005 10:42 AM
And i'd like to add i look hot all the time, while most of these hollywood chicks only look hot in full makeup and designer dresses
26. Posted by Proteon on September 23, 2005 11:23 AM
Aeon Flux should have been played by Famke Jensen. Charlize Theron in the Aeon Flux outfit looks like she's taking a pilate class.
http://www.joblo.com/newsimages1/pic-charlize-aeon.jpg
I dont' remember Aeon looking like a fat pig.
27. Posted by ihatechoosingnames on September 23, 2005 05:11 PM
mutterhals: ditto!
why is it that when females criticize other females it is automatically assumed that it's because we are jealous/ugly? i could name dozens of women who i think are amazing but there are loads that i think are repulsive too. we all have the right to an opinion.
(err not that i think charlize theron is repulsive, just making a point.)
28. Posted by sexydarin on September 24, 2005 04:09 AM
She is extremely good looking. She is almost "jessica alba" good looking. almost. Hollywood standard of good looks is no standard at all considering 99% of the females in hollywood are ugly, just like the real world.
29. Posted by Kallisti on September 24, 2005 03:52 PM
She is pretty, but I think she looks better as a blonde.
http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/MMPH/245920.jpg
30. Posted by Juliette on September 24, 2005 06:39 PM
Has Charlize ever had LONG hair? I can't remember...
31. Posted by sexydarin on September 26, 2005 12:35 AM
hardly any girl looks good in black hair. I take charlize as a blonde too.