September 20, 2005
Joan Collins is old and kind of gross
72-year-old Dynasty star, Joan Collins, the woman who all our mothers wished they could be if only they didn't marry our loser dads and get knocked up on the honeymoon, has finally revealed how she looks so young for her age (pretending, for a second, that she isn't bald): good genes and frequently swimming in a giant Scrooge McDuck vault filled with make-up.
"I believe in lashings and lashings of make-up. The women I know who have worn it since they were teenagers look better than those who haven't because it protects your skin."
So lashings of make-up is all you need to be pretty? Uh, I think Joan Collins may have inadvertently exhibited how time is in fact cyclical, and how she's gotten so old that she's regressed back to being in the tenth grade. And a bit of a tramp. All that's left is for her to make out with Bobby McLeighton under the bleachers, get in trouble for calling Tracy Patterson fat in math class, and then get into a wet and wild catfight with Krystle Carrington in a lily pond. No, wait, that last thing was a scene from Dynasty. In her defence, Krystle was a self-righteous bitch. At least that's what my mother says when she watches Dynasty re-runs in the dark, reeking of scotch and muttering about what could have been.
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Comments
1. Posted by celeb_hater on September 20, 2005 12:08 PM
I thought her youthful looks was due to having guys cum all over her.
2. Posted by giromide on September 20, 2005 12:24 PM
Isn't there a chance that some makeup is actually bad for skin? Any chance at all? I have as much scientific proof to back my claim as Joan has for hers.
3. Posted by Tommy Cruise on September 20, 2005 12:52 PM
And after Joan dies, her makeup will live on, doing cameos in movies and award shows, marrying young guys, etc.
4. Posted by that_damn_monkey on September 20, 2005 01:08 PM
Wait, she was wreaking of scotch? Good thing she wasn't reeking of scotch. Cause, y'know, that would smell bad.
www.dictionary.com
5. Posted by Eukonidor on September 20, 2005 01:17 PM
Scrooge McDuck vault. CLASSIC!!!
6. Posted by XJC on September 20, 2005 01:43 PM
Ooh, I think she's just starting to spill the beans about how she's been embalmed for the past several years. Of course she doesn't seem to age: she is already a mummy. Expect her to brag about her young looking face even when they pick her long lost corpse from the sewers.
7. Posted by mac2048 on September 20, 2005 02:17 PM
For some odd reason, I want to have sex with Joan Collins.
... don't ask me why, I am puzzled, as well. Let us just pretend this never happened.
8. Posted by MrPloppy on September 20, 2005 02:36 PM
I thought it was beer that made horse faced women hot.
9. Posted by Carissa on September 20, 2005 08:03 PM
She scares me
10. Posted by CastIronBitch on September 22, 2005 01:25 AM
Oh come on.
The woman's had more plastic surgery than certain other people on this page have had STD's. (And if you think I'm talking about just one person, think again.)
Don't talk to me about make-up, barbie-face.
11. Posted by seananton on December 16, 2005 06:07 PM
I remeber seeing a photograph of Joan as a 17 year old Rank starlet in 1947 or 1948 when I was at college.
She must be about 75 now in 2005