September 19, 2005
Paris Hilton doesn't know what "contract" means
Apparently, Paris Hilton has been walking around telling people that she still doesn't know who her co-star will be in the new season of The Simple Life, despite it being abundantly clear that Nicole Richie is contractually obligated to take up the unenviable role. Meanwhile, as Paris Hilton traipses around Brazil with her pants on fire (possibly hanging from a telephone wire), Simple Life producers are trying to think of ways to get Hilton and Richie to appear together on camera.
Quite frankly, I don't know what the problem is. Just tell Paris that she's starring in the damn show alone, and then get Nicole to shuffle around sideways so that Paris doesn't see her. Or fold Nicole up and put her in Paris' purse. Or make Nicole lose a few more pounds, throw some mismatched designer rags on her, and tell Paris her new partner is Allegra Beck. It's not like the Hilton girl has a degree in noticing things.
Oh, and the article also mentions how Paris was eyeing Gisele Bundchen's ex-boyfriend because: a) God blessed her with an inordinate Gwyneth Paltow-level sense of entitlement, and she thinks she can follow Gisele; and b) she doesn't realize that her fiance's shipping tycoon/war profiteering/arms dealing/rich, rich, rich family could kill her as covertly or as noisily as they want, and nobody would notice or care.
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Comments
1. Posted by WTFweretheythinking? on September 19, 2005 06:22 PM
Or they could dress Nicole up in rags and tell her it's Mary-kat Olsen... or which ever one claims their drug addiction is "Anorexia."
2. Posted by Jon on September 19, 2005 06:27 PM
Ctupid sunt.
3. Posted by Penis McVagina on September 19, 2005 06:42 PM
Kate Moss should be her co-star.
// I'd hit it
4. Posted by sparkydingle on September 19, 2005 07:22 PM
I think they should drag them both there, force them to work together, and we'll watch the fun as they both try to pull out each others 'white girl weaves'
5. Posted by CarCar on September 19, 2005 07:30 PM
Paris Herpes is a victim of circumstance. Put me in that family and give me a debit card and then sit back and enjoy the show. We'd all do the same shit.
6. Posted by sugarplum on September 19, 2005 07:30 PM
Who wants to see another season of some dumb show with Paris Hilton all over again anyways? - They should just cancel.
7. Posted by mac2048 on September 19, 2005 07:34 PM
Good point, superficial.com; why WOULD that twit mess about on a guy whose family could wipe her out as if she's Jimmy Hoffa?
8. Posted by celeb_hater on September 19, 2005 08:18 PM
Why the hell isn't PARIS on Extreme Makeover? She needs it. I also think they need to bring back Celebrity Boxing and have the slut Paris box the slut Tara. That would be a huge pay for view draw!
9. Posted by MrPloppy on September 19, 2005 09:00 PM
What about that guy in the movie she was in. You know the one set in a bedroom with the very cheesy dialogue. They seemed to get along really well.
10. Posted by Tommy Cruise on September 19, 2005 09:35 PM
I think she should do some cocaine, take some anti-depressants to make herself look more like a man, and then she and Nicole could do a lesbian porno. Now THAT I would watch!! The Simple Life indeed! Or is it the Simpleton Life...
11. Posted by Floyd on September 20, 2005 04:00 AM
Maybe she thinks its contract as in to contract another disease, and her brain just shuts down.
Assuming her brain isn't completely coked to crap yet.
12. Posted by jon on September 20, 2005 04:18 AM
Why don't people understand, Paris Hilton is the best movie star / porn star / fashion icon / plastic ever. I mean, she has cute outfits, doesn't mind showing strangers her boobs and has a little dog in a bag.
She's girlfriend material, the kind you want to meet your mum. Infact, she's the kind you want to be your mum as well, that would be cool.
13. Posted by Steff on September 20, 2005 06:33 AM
They should let us vote and see who we want as her 'sidekick'. Uhm Nicole Richie please.
14. Posted by skitzodee on September 20, 2005 08:58 AM
I read somewhere the two are friends again
15. Posted by The Cavalier on September 20, 2005 09:00 AM
I would definitely make love to both of them.
16. Posted by Jello on September 20, 2005 10:33 AM
I don't care if Nicole Richie is losing weight, she's still the smarter one.
17. Posted by Minionated on September 20, 2005 10:58 AM
I wish Liv Tyler would eat her.
18. Posted by goldilocks on September 20, 2005 01:05 PM
In the lesbian way or the cannibal way? I bet she'd taste nasty
19. Posted by robinz on September 20, 2005 01:18 PM
Basically, Paris Hilton is a skank ass moron. That is all.
20. Posted by Karl Hungus on September 20, 2005 03:37 PM
She should have Lawrence Taylor as her co-star.
21. Posted by dollparts on September 20, 2005 04:13 PM
Nicole was the only entertaining part of that show....without her it's just going to be Paris wondering around...commenting about how hot things are....Nicole was the one that got them into trouble.
22. Posted by Gophergutz on September 20, 2005 04:17 PM
I think Kirstie Alley would make a fantastic sidekick. Who wouldn't want to watch those two talk about their lives for an hour or so at a pop? Plus, Paris can give her some blow and knock those last few pesky pounds off of her in a hurry.
23. Posted by stinkypinky on September 20, 2005 04:35 PM
It would be nice if the new show is called "Paris and Nicole- A Simple Cockfight" In it the two fight to the death in a cow field in Altus, Arkansas. The remains of both of them can then travel cross country by Grayline bus while millions of people cheer alongside the bus route.
24. Posted by AmericanPrincess on September 20, 2005 05:43 PM
Nicole looks so good in that picture!
25. Posted by jfive on September 20, 2005 07:30 PM
maybe we will get lucky and they will cancel the show....maybe we will get lucky and they will cancel all tv reality shows...lol yeah right and pigs will fly out of my butt :(
26. Posted by Rundown on September 20, 2005 11:45 PM
I'd nail Paris in a second. She completely kicks ass because she has absolutely no apparent personality. Or thoughts for that matter. She's like a very pretty aomeba. She's ripe for an ATM.
27. Posted by Penis McVagina on September 21, 2005 02:56 AM
jon you're cool
28. Posted by dollparts on September 21, 2005 10:25 AM
Rundown, that's really weird...me and my girlfriends were talking about how a lot of guys tend to go for girls who have no personality....over ones that do. Physical aspects aside...would anyone like to make a guess as to why this might be true or false? I'd really like to know...
29. Posted by Ms. Dilligaff on September 21, 2005 06:36 PM
I agree with Floyd. Paris knows what "contract" means...it's just the *other* definition; you know, the one you hear at the free clinic. Not that I would know. :P
30. Posted by CastIronBitch on September 22, 2005 12:41 AM
Alright, first of all, CarCar has the right idea, anyone with more money than god, who is skinny enough to wear that crap would do the exact same shit she gets up to all the time.
(I would like to think I wouldn't be stupid enough to get my sex tapes posted on the internet, but what do I know.)\
On the one hand, the girl is dumber than a brick. On the other hand, she (or whoever) has somehow managed to turn that brick-ish-ness into a multi-million dollar empire in her own right.
We can hate and hate and hate, but deep down, we're pretty damn jealous.
I know the current object of my affections would sleep with me in a hot minute if I were her...so yeah.
Fucking ugly bitch.
31. Posted by Queen LaQueefah on September 26, 2005 04:08 PM
I wish there was something witty I could say about the ever-loathsome Paris Hilton. Man, that girl is the personification of all evil qualities of mankind. However, if there weren't people out there who thought she was the coolest thing ever, she'd be what she is worth: nothing. So forget her, and shame on all those girls who wear cowboy hats and have lebret piercings and go "that's hawt," and "I heart that!" cause they're possibly more disgusting than Catcher's Mitt Hilton is.