September 07, 2005

Britney won't be dumped in Vegas

Remember those reports that Britney Spears signed a long-term Las Vegas concert contract? No, me neither. But apparently they weren't true, for she has haughtily "laughed [them] off," insisting instead that she will invest her time in preparing her next album and raising a sociopath.

I, for one, am not conviced. Because Spears' fame looks to be on its last bare foot, and it seems to me that Vegas is where every country dumps its iconic musicians when it wants to get rid of them. England dumped Elton John there, and we Canadians dumped Celine Dion there ages ago. And let me tell you, the people of the Polite Northern Tundra have never been happier. We even have a holiday to commemorate the day we got rid of her. We call it D(ion)-Day, where we all get naked and roll around in maple syrup and sing "My Heart Will Go On" while burning a crude Celine Dion effigy. It's just such a... beautiful and... joyous event. Ahem. Excuse me, I have something in my eye.

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