August 29, 2005

Hilary Duff is a wonder of science

Based on these photos from the MTV Video Music Awards, we need to get some scientists from Caltech or NASA to study Hilary Duff and figure out why she's slowly transforming into Kylie Minogue. I understand that kids grow up, but they usually don't grow up to be somebody else who already exists. The whole thing is even more confusing because Kylie's body is an endless flow of sexy curves, and Hilary's body is a giant rectangle. She's clearly lost a ton of weight, and yet her body is still made up entirely of straight edges. By the laws of human physiology, the woman should have a visible waist by now. I guess her only hope is for Michelangelo to resurrect from the dead and mistake her body for a giant block of marble so that he might accidentally sculpt a curvy new body into it. Although that would probably end up in a bloody, guts-filled mess, so maybe Hilary should forget about looking sexy and focus on being cute. And by cute, I mean not like a horse, because right now she's looking about as much like a horse as humanly possible.