June 29, 2005

Tom Crusie is everywhere

Tom Cruise needs to make a movie every week, cause this page pretty much writes itself whenever he’s taken off his leash. He seems to get dumber by the minute. I’ve never seen anything quite like it. Here’s just the stuff from yesterday.

Tom Cruise is “confused” by sex: “Wait … the vagina? Really? That doesn’t sound right. Why on earth would I put it there?”

Tom Cruise believes in aliens: tell you what Tom, when a big silver UFO lands on the White House lawn at noon on a Wednesday, and a big ramp opens up and a big dinosaur-lookin thing begins a speech with “People of Earth…”, I’ll start believing in aliens. As long as the only reports come from drunk rednecks and Mexicans filming lights in the sky when they live a mile from the airport, I’m remain cautiously pessimistic.

And then there is this story that came in yesterday from that little hottie Katherine in response to our Rob Thomas story. Hey isn’t Katie short for Katherine?

My good friend and acting coach's best friend was a long time assistant to Katie Couric, and being on the set of the Today Show brought in a LOT of information that she of course had monetary and contractual incentive not to share, but anyway, now she doesn't work for her, and she talks freely. According to her, Tom Cruise is a total homosexual slut, and the powers that be at the Scientology headquarters cover this up with relationships and whatnot in exchange for his unwavering loyalty to Scientology. ALSO, more substantial, is that John Travolta has the same deal with the Scientologists, that he's a homosexual, they have photographic evidence, and his entire relationship with Kelly Preston is a Scientology related scam.”

Note - as always (since Cruise loves to sue people) I need to point out that this story is based on conjecture and hearsay. For the record, the Superficial feels that Tom Cruise's heterosexuality is the stuff of legend. In fact, I heard a tribe in Africa has a song about him. Man that guy loves the kitty!

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