June 24, 2005

The Superficial News

• Beyonce broke into tears this Wednesday when she was asked about the split of Destiny's Child on TRL. Boy, it sure is funny when girls cry. I guess that's why I walk up and down the street telling strangers that they're fat and smell like poo.

• Hermes has apologized to Oprah Winfrey for turning her away from one of its Paris boutiques last week, saying it was closed for a public relations event when she came knocking. Seems the power of the internet is also capable of making luxury stores lie through their teeth. Liars!

• Howard Stern is leaving the E! channel and will most likely end up on Spike TV. I think this is a pretty brilliant move, because Spike TV is awesome. They're always playing reruns of Maximum Exposure, and that fills me with happiness.

• Overseas reports are saying that Tom Cruise recently introduced Katie Holmes to his ex-girlfriend Penelope Cruz at a Scientology center. Upon meeting, they all removed their clothes and started washing each other in tomato sauce. Or at least that's what I like to pretend happens behind those crazy Scientology walls.

• Martha Stewart says she already has a catch phrase for her new reality show but won't reveal what it is. My guess is it's something like "I am Lucifer, I will eat your soul!" But that's just a guess.

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