June 23, 2005

Jessica Simpson on the cover of GQ

My awesome level of jingoism leads me to believe that this picture of Jessica Simpson with her long blond hair and stars and stripes bikini is quite possibly the greatest thing ever and for some reason re-convinces me that Black Hawk helicopters are effective diplomats and that nothing helps keep my gas prices low quite like a Tomahawk missile bearing down on a camel. It also reaffirms that Nick Lachey is on the clock, and has zero chance of holding on to this girl. But hold your head high Nick. Keep in mind, you’re Nick Lachey. You couldn’t even do a boy band right and you set your sights on Jessica Simpson. No one has over-reached like that since that time John Travolta came on to me while I was bartending in Santa Monica. Sorry dude, I liked Broken Arrow and all, but not enough that I’m gonna blow you.

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