June 21, 2005

I have no idea what to call this one

Never think for a second that famous Hollywood stars like Leo DiCaprio, Tobey Maguire and David Blaine aren’t just like you or me. Why, I can’t count the number of times growing up when me and my buddies sat around in kimonos enjoying a Japanese tea service with our schlongs hanging out. Oh, wait, yes I can. Turns out it was zero.

To be fair, this picture may or may not be photoshopped. And if it is, I’m gonna guess Tobey Maguire is the one who did it. And not just for that one obvious reason, but also cause he’s kind of a fat lump, and here he looks like the trim gay porn star that his acting range suggests he should be. I know I haven’t been real clear about the hot penis action you're going to see in the very NSFW picture after the jump, but that’s only because I’ve been stabbing myself in the temple with an ice pick since seeing it, and I think I finally found the part of my brain that controls remembering horrific images. Oh, yeaahhh, that’s the spot.

Thanks to Daniel for sending this in. Wait, did I say “thanks”, I meant to say “I hate you.”

update - While most of the emails were very nice in pointing out that I’m an idiot and this picture is fake and a few years old, some of them were pretty angry and even insulting. And those were my favorite. Cause there’s nothing like having a dude yell at me for wasting his valuable penis staring time. Sorry if I’m not the cock expert you are Adam. Believe it or not, I haven’t cataloged every picture of schlong that’s hit the net in the past 10 years. My bad.

But this picture does appear to be a fake (which, I’m my defense, I did suggest was possible). Ed was even cool enough to track down this old link from IMDb, where Tobey offers up the most perplexing defense I’ve ever heard.

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