June 13, 2005

Michael Jackson acquitted on all charges

Michael Jackson has been acquitted of all 10 charges against him, including getting a 13-year old cancer patient drunk and then sexing him up in ways only a deviant like your mother could. Wait, what? Did I just call your mother a deviant child molestor? Why yes, yes I did.

Mr. Jackson was prosecuted on 10 felony counts - four of child molesting, one of attempted child molesting, four of administering alcohol to aid in the commission of a felony, and conspiracy to commit child abduction, false imprisonment and extortion. Together, the charges carried a maximum possible sentence of more than 18 years in prison.

This whole Michael Jackson thing is really boring to me so let's just call it a day and have some pie or something.

Previous Entries