June 01, 2005

Michael Jackson is so screwed

This is London is reporting that “Michael Jackson faces a year in jail even if he is cleared of child abuse. The 46-year-old singer was told by trial judge Rodney Melville that he is to be charged with giving alcohol to a minor. It is a lesser offence than the one he was originally accused of - plying a young boy with drink in order to sexually abuse him. The jury only has to accept that the star gave Gavin Arvizo alcohol, which the trial has heard Jackson call "Jesus juice", to find him guilty…”

In Jackson’s defense, who knew it was illegal to get little kids drunk until they pass out so you can rape them? I went to Yale Law School, and I can’t remember any perfectly healthy behavior like that ever being frowned upon. But then, my immeasurable brilliance made class boring and I rarely ever went, instead becoming a campus legend because of my irreverent personality and wacky antics. And huge penis.

More about Michael Jackson's perfectly normal lifestyle here.

(warning - Okay, so that link right above this goes to the NAMBLA website, which I thought was hilarious. A few of the readers who now hear a weird clicking sound every time they use the phone seem to disagree.)

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