March 14, 2005

Lara Flynn Boyle is insane

While my cover is that of a powerful internet celebrity, I’m actually a sexy secret agent who goes around the globe fighting sexy terrorist threats to the United States. To keep America safe. And sexy. And that includes beautiful threats from the skies, so Lara Flynn Boyle better be happy she didn’t pull any crap like this while I was around, or the fat tramp would have been at the business end of a double-tap. The Superficial has been on-line since the early 1950’s, but no one anywhere has summed up the insufferable narcissism of actors better than her when she says, “My job is to entertain, and not to explain.” It’s always a solid idea to act unstable on a plane these days, and I heartily recommend it, but only an actor would consider running around naked to be part of the job, and then be completely aghast when someone had the nerve to question it. In any other field, you’d be beaten, not just fired, but dragged into the parking lot and beaten with those hilariously oversized Captain Caveman clubs.

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