Kelly Osbourne isn't only drug user

Kelly Osbourne says she's sick of being the poster child for celebrity drug abuse and would love to expose all the celebrities she took drugs with because it would shock the world.

"I just want to let people know that if you think any of these blonde bombshells aren't drug addicts, trust me, they are, because I've done drugs with them. I'm not going to name names because that's not fair."

Somehow I don't think Kelly Osbourne revealing that celebrities use drugs would exactly be surprising. In fact, I have a strong feeling that her saying celebrities like Lindsay Lohan do drugs would be so obvious that the collective power of everybody in the world rolling their eyes at once might destroy the very fabric of time.

Pamela Anderson wears see-through dress to Comedy Central Roast

I didn't watch Comedy Central's Roast of Pamela Anderson because I was too busy saving the world from a gang of killer ninjas, but I find it extremely odd that she would choose to wear a see-through outfit to her own roast. Not that everyone hasn't already seen her completely naked and having sex with Tommy Lee on a boat, it just seems odd that she would wear something like that to an event especially put together to make fun of her. I guess I'll just never understand the mind of a woman who thinks it's perfectly okay to be seen in public looking like Brian Peppers. Slightly NSFW images after the jump.

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Registration problems for the forums

A number of people are having difficulty registering for the forums because they're confirmation emails are being eaten by spam filters. I should have announced earlier that you should turn off your spam filter before trying to register, but I forgot to so I'm doing it now. For those of you that have already tried registering and didn't get the confirmation letter, just contact us with your username and email and we'll try to approve your account manually.

Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams are pregnant

During the premiere of The Brothers Grimm on Monday, Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams admitted that they were engaged and that Michelle was pregnant with his baby and expected to deliver sometime in November. Up until then, Heath had reportedly refused to acknowledge Williams was pregnant with his child, although anybody with eyes probably might have suspected. And I don't know if you know this, but Michelle Williams is actually a duck, so the fact that Heath Ledger mangaged to get her pregnant is a miracle of science.

Brad Pitt's security arrests reporter

According to the NY Post, a reporter for People magazine was arrested Saturday for trespassing on Brad Pitt's property during a fourth birthday party for Angelina Jolie's son Maddox. Brad's security manager, Richard Malchar, made a citizen's arrest and held the reporter for police.

"It's too bad that the media can't respect people's privacy," said Pitt's publicist, Cindy Guagenti. "If the media continue to trespass on private property, they will be arrested. This is getting out of control."

I guess this means that time I snuck into Lindsay Lohan's house to take a dump probably wasn't okay either. To be fair though, I did it on her bed so I think that makes it alright. If I learned anything at Yale law, it's that sneaking into people's homes to poo on their bed is totally acceptable by our legal system. Then again, I was too busy pooing on people's beds to ever attend class, so I could be wrong.

Kelly Carlson has own sex doll

In an interview with Stuff Magazine, Kelly Carlson revealed that she got to keep the life-sized sex doll used in the second season of Nip/Tuck that was made in her image while playing a porn star.

"She's in my living room. I put pants and a sweater on her to make her a non-sexual being. I have to warn people about her, because she's a little freaky. So many people have told me to sell her on eBay, but it freaks me out what people would do with her. She has my face, so I'm protective. I don't want her to get sexually violated."

Why hasn't anybody made a Jessica Alba sex doll yet? Considering every man in the world would buy two - you never know when you might need a spare - it would probably be a pretty smart business move. I'm no financial expert, but I predict that the Jessica Alba sex doll industry would be worth at least ten gajillion dollars. And trust me, ten gajillion is a lot of money. I would know, I have it.

Jessica Alba picks wedgie

I spent a good half hour staring at these pictures, trying to decipher just what exactly it was that I was looking at. I went in assuming it was Jessica Alba picking her bikini wedgie, but then I saw the cellulite and realized that this couldn't be Jessica Alba. The Jessica Alba I know is so flawless that a homeless man actually burst into flames after touching her because he was too ugly, and the idea of her having cellulite on her butt or thighs is just plain ridiculous. Plus, whoever this imposter is is clearly masturbating in public, since nobody on Earth picks a wedgie like that, and Jessica Alba would never need to masturbate since the line of men waiting to offer her their penises is so long that it can be viewed from space.

Thanks to Mya for the images.

Reese Witherspoon hates dumb blondes

Reese Witherspoon has launched a verbal attack on Jessica Simpson telling her to quit playing on her dumb blonde image.

"Creating a cultural icon out of someone who goes, 'I'm stupid, isn't it cute?' makes me want to throw daggers," says Reese. "I want to say to them, 'My Grandma did not fight for what she fought for, just so you can start telling women it's fun to be stupid.'"

I don't know who Reese Witherspoon's grandma is and I don't know what she fought for, but if it stood in the way of Jessica Simpson's right to be a stupid blonde then I'm totally against it. One of the reasons America is so great is that all women have the right to be as stupid and as slutty as they want. If a big breasted woman wants to show off her body and pretend she can't tell the difference between fish and chicken, then good for her. As long as it doesn't get in the way of her baking me pies in the kitchen then I really don't care. But once those pies stop coming, you better believe I'm going to write some letters to Congress. Long letters. With exclamation marks. If a woman doesn't belong in the kitchen baking pies then where does she belong? At the work place? With men? The idea is so preposterous that it makes me laugh just to think about it.

Charlize Theron is getting married

A source tells In Touch Weekly that Charlize Theron and her boyfriend of four years, Stuart Townsend, will marry this summer at their home in California, and are busy planning all the final details for the wedding.

"It's so hush, hush that they have sworn everyone to absolute secrecy and haven't revealed the exact date or location yet. But the wedding will definitely be in the Los Angeles area - more than likely at Charlize's Malibu waterfront home - within a month or possibly even sooner."

I can see how this might be interesting news if anybody actually cared about Charlize Theron. She's a fine actress and all, but until she starts partying with Lindsay Lohan or eating baby pandas, nobody is really going to care about anything she does or says. I don't know what it is about her, but the woman is just so damn tedious to think about.