Kate Hudson is a crazy person

If you weren't already aware, Kate Hudson is completely insane and says she carries around magic crystals and sprays herself with water to protect herself from bad vibes.

"It's not like a holy water, just something to cleanse myself if someone's really negative. And I carry around crystals, too. I feel it's important to protect yourself."

Additionally, Ananova reports Kate would love to be psychic.

"I think it's fascinating. We can see our three-dimensional world — that's where we exist — but it's proven that we exist in a multi, multi-dimensional realm and how amazing to be able to tap in to those other dimensions."

I don't want to be a party pooper, but when was it "proven" that we exist in a multi, multi-dimensional realm? And for that matter, what the crap is a "multi, multi-dimensional realm"? I'm pretty familiar with string theory and its implications on a multi-dimensional universe, but I get the feeling Kate Hudson is referring to more of a galactic-ruler-named-Xenu type of thing. You know, the kind of crap that science spits on and crazy people like Kate Hudson babble to reporters about. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying Kate Hudson is a Scientologist, I'm just saying she's totally and completely out of her mind.

Jennifer Lopez to open first store

Jennifer Lopez is set to open her first U.S. store, World of JLo, inside Marshall Fields in Chicago on Sept. 22, modeling it after her JLo boutique in Moscow. "Having the first World of JLo shop in the nation is a huge coup for us," the department store's president tells Star People. Too bad nobody informed them that having the first Jennifer Lopez store is the equivalent of housing Hitler's moustache. I'm not exactly sure how, but I hate Jennifer with so much passion that weird Hitler analogies are the only things I can think of whenever I talk about her.

Sienna Miller is pregnant with Jude Law's child

Sources have revealed to Star that Sienna Miller is six weeks pregnant with Jude Law's child. They allegedly gathered friends and family at their London home to announce her pregnancy before Jude's affair with the nanny was exposed, though reps for Miller and Law have not confirmed or denied the pregnancy.

"She [and Jude had] discussed names for the baby," a friend tells Star. Now, Law "had destroyed any chance they had of bringing up the baby together."

Additionally, Star reports that during Jude Law's marriage to Sadie Frost, the mother of his three children, Jude cheated with no fewer than six women - a model, a celebrity's assistant, two A-list stars, a rock star's ex-wife and a lap dancer. I guess Sienna Miller should be grateful Jude only cheated on her with the nanny, as opposed to the bevy of Catholic school girls he probably had his eyes on. And considering he's Jude Law, he probably could have had those Catholic school girls if he wanted. Fuck, now I wish I was Jude Law. Not because I want to have sex with Catholic school girls, but because I wish my last name was Law. Man, that's such a sweet last name.

Daily Forum Reminder

I won't actually be doing this everyday, but it'll probably happen somewhat frequently since the forum just launched. That said, if you're not in the forums, you're doing the wrong thing. I didn't want to bring this up, but your mom said she would stop loving you unless you joined The Superficial community. True story.

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Jessica Simpson beats people

The Sun reports that Jessica Simpson told David Letterman she beat up a guy on the set of The Dukes Of Hazzard after mistaking him for a stunt man.

"I thought he was a stunt guy and the stick wouldn't break. I was like: 'Oh gosh, this is the last shot! I have to break it!' so I ended up like losing my mind. I just started attacking him and he had welts all over his back. It finally broke. I kept hitting him until it did."

I did something similar once, except instead of beating a man to death with a cue stick, I shook his hand and acknowledged his worth as a human being. Just kidding, I beat him to death with a cue stick as well. If you haven't tried it, I highly recommend that you do. Just go to your local bar and start smacking some random guy in the head with a cue stick until you think he's dead. And when the police come to arrest you, just blame Jessica Simpson for setting a bad example and sue her for millions. The plan is so crazy that it just might work.

Note - This plan will 100% not work.

Eva Longoria is inappropriate

Eva Longoria has apologized to Jennifer Aniston for wearing a t-shirt that said "I'll have your baby, Brad." She was photographed shortly after Jennifer and Brad announced their separation, but says she now realizes it was inappropriate.

"I do regret wearing it and I have written to Jennifer Aniston to express my sympathies over her marriage."

Instead of writing Jennifer a letter, Eva should have just put on another shirt that said "Brad Pitt did me in the butt." It's not as sensitive as a letter of sympathy, but I think the message is pretty much the same. Of course, this is assuming that she told Jennifer Aniston she had anal sex with Brad Pitt in her letter. If not, I guess that whole shirt thing would be totally out of line. Then again, Eva Longoria is incredibly gorgeous so she could pretty much get away with killing a homeless man if she wanted to.

Julia Roberts goes to Broadway

After taking a break to care for her eight month old twins, Julia Roberts is going to star on Broadway next year in the revival of Three Days of Rain, which will debut for a 12 week engagement starting in March 2006. This is a huge disappointment to fans everywhere who had been hoping she would star in Blue Man Group instead. Call me crazy, but I think that's what Julia Roberts' true calling is. Playing a bald blue man.

Fergie pees herself at Street Scene

Fergie's reps are claiming she didn't pee herself in San Diego at Street Scene over the weekend, and that the huge wet spot in the middle of her crotch was just sweat, but either way I'm going with disgusting. Obviously sweat is a million times more acceptable than urine, but what kind of monster woman sweats to the point where it could be mistaken for pee? The only people I know that sweat that much are male professional athletes and fat people. So which one is it, Fergie? Are you a male professional athlete or fat?

Renée Zellweger's has marriage problems

A friend of Renée Zellweger has told US Weekly that their three month marriage is already on the rocks.

"The cracks are getting bigger by the day. The realities of married life are hitting them both awfully hard. Renée had no idea how involved in every aspect of her life Kenny would want to be. She'd never even seen him lose his temper before the wedding, but now he seems to think he can tell Renée what to do, what to wear, where to go and who to see. He doesn't seem to like her hanging out with her old friends."

However, a representative for Renée insists things are "great" between the couple, while Chesney's spokesperson said, "He's focusing on what he does best: making music." If there's one thing I know, it's that when people I've never heard of are focusing on making music I've never listened to, it means Renée Zellweger's marriage is over. I don't want to get into the technicalities of how it works, but it involves science and test tubes and flow charts, so you know it's pretty much a sure thing.