Adam Brody is cheap and can’t tell a story

My first commercial was for a medication grade acne [treatment]," The OC star revealed this week. "They had to put me in like two hours of make-up … I've never seen it, but my friends have seen it. They did a 'before' and 'after' in the commercial and I started out with a lot of acne. And then they go to 'after' and I was like, 'Well at least the audience will know that I really don't have huge boils on my face because we'll clean it off.' And they were like, 'Well, actually not so, buddy, because you'd have tons of acne scars.' So then I hug my mom and I'm all like pock-marked. That's in existence somewhere and $100 to whoever finds it! I've never seen it."

I read that four times - mostly because I can barely read - but also because I got worried, because Adam Brody tells stories like he’s undercover and trying to work in a code word so the FBI knows that the deal has gone bad and it's time to send in his backup. So, like, has anyone heard? Is he okay? Cause I’m totally gonna bang Rachel Bilson if he‘s dead.

Brad Pitt doesn't recognize Lindsay Lohan

During the premiere of Mr. and Mrs. Smith on Tuesday, Lindsay Lohan ran up to talk to Brad Pitt while he was signing autographs and he didn't recognize her. Unfortunately, his publicist told him who she was before he could bust out any anti-stalker ass kicking.

"I just ran up to Brad Pitt like a stalker," Lohan says in the Wednesday, June 8 interview with "Access Hollywood." "I said, 'I just have to introduce myself.'He didn't know who I was, and [then] he was like, 'Ohhh.'

This would have been funnier if he had punched her in the face and then peed on her, but I guess not knowing who she is is as good as it's going to get. I don't know why, but I'm always hoping that one day a celebrity will pee on somebody just because they think they can get away with it. I'm going to be so happy when that day comes.

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Tom Cruise recreates Oprah insanity

Tom Cruise poked fun at himself last night on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno by recreating his insane appearance on Oprah. I didn't catch it because I don't watch crap, but seeing him jump on couches and do more arm pumping action might have made Jay Leno bearable for my eyes. Actually no, there's nothing in the world that could make me stand Jay Leno. Unless it was some TV special where Conan O'Brien was beating him to death with an alligator. I think I could muster up the courage to watch that.

Tom Cruise is happy. And easily tricked.

In an interview now online on Entertainment Weekly, Tom Cruise addresses some of his insane tendencies of late, including flopping around on Oprah, taking shots out of nowhere on Brooke Shields and his ramped up commitment to Scientology, the only thing that can save the lost souls here on Teegeeack, or what you humans call “Earth.” Before anyone is too hard on Tom, just remember that his body is inhabited by the wandering souls of fried space aliens. So that sucks. And laugh if you want, but once Xenu is freed from his electronic mountain trap and order is restored to the Galactic Confederation, (an alliance of 76 planets founded 95 million years ago) you’re gonna feel pretty silly. No offense all of you who don't believe in Xenu, but you're kinda makin an ass out of yourself.

Thanks to Christie for the Scientology link. And here’s another thanks to sex-kitten reader Jenny.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie play house

Another picture today from that W magazine 60 page photo shoot where Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie see how quickly they can force a gun into Jennifer Aniston's mouth. Honest to God, they might as well bang each other on Aniston's car or dig up her childhood pets and bury them upside down.

All credit here to Frank from over on voics.

Hollywood is filled with whores

According to a guy I’ve never heard of who produces movies I’ve never seen, “There really is a ‘casting couch’ in the movie business, according to Chris Hanley … "Almost every leading actress in all of my 24 films has slept with a director or a producer or a leading actor to get the part that launched her career," said Hanley. His leading ladies have included Kirsten Dunst, Scarlett Johanssen, Brooke Shields, Christina Ricci and Kathleen Turner."

This story, courtesy of the New York Post, has Scarlet Johansson on the list, but I’ll be dammed if I can see a film they made together. If there is one, it’s not listed on IMDB. I do find it horrifying that he would infer that he possibly had sex with Kirsten Dunst. I can’t honestly say I’ve ever had my penis in a bear trap, but the idea is a hell of a lot more appealing that my penis in a troll like Kirsten. At least I could put some lipstick on the bear trap and kinda make it look like a human girl. Good luck doing that with Kirsten Dunst. Seriously, If I had to choose between sex with Kirsten Dunst or sex with a dead Filipino boy, I would at least find out what the kid died of.

Jennifer Lopez is engaged

According to In Touch Weekly Marc Anthony formally proposed to Jennifer Lopez for their first wedding anniversary and bought her an 8.5 carat engagement ring estimated to cost about $1 million. Yes that's right, a year after being married Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are now engaged. Oh, the madness.

“It sounds a little odd, but Marc and Jennifer were never really engaged — they just got married. So, to mark their first anniversary, Marc officially proposed, this time presenting Jennifer with an engagement ring from exclusive jeweler-to-the-stars Neil Lane.”

I guess when you've been married as many times as Jennifer, you like to mix it up a bit just to keep things exciting. Like getting married before the proprosal or taking a crap on your fiance. Personally, I prefer not to take a crap on the people I love. But that's just me. I'm weird like that.

Thanks to Mina for the tip.

VIDEO: Paris Hilton flashes on European TV

What in the name of Shamu's butthole is wrong with Paris Hilton? I realize she officially crossed over into living pornography way back when, but I didn't know just how literal that description was. Is it possible for this woman to be in front of a camera and not be naked? I don't know the full story behind this video clip, but it features Paris Hilton exposing her breasts for no apparent reason other than that she's insane. And maybe high. Fortunately for her, the clip aired over in Europe where being naked and high is a way of life. Speaking of which, how come I don't live in Europe? Must be because my penis is too big.

NSFW video clip after the jump.

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Tricia Helfer is really really naked

I only barely know who Tricia Helfer is - she might be the one in those sex tapes I have labeled “sex with Tricia Helfer” - so her getting bare ass naked was an awesome idea to get my attention. I do know she’s on that Battlestar Galactica show on Sci-Fi, so between her and Grace Park, I’m not sure why it isn’t the greatest show of all time. Cause I would think they would have a lot of giggly pillow fights and sexy bondage parties in space. I know I would. It’s space, man. No rules.

Wildly NSFW picture after the jump.

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