Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie play house

Another picture today from that W magazine 60 page photo shoot where Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie see how quickly they can force a gun into Jennifer Aniston's mouth. Honest to God, they might as well bang each other on Aniston's car or dig up her childhood pets and bury them upside down.

All credit here to Frank from over on voics.

Hollywood is filled with whores

According to a guy I’ve never heard of who produces movies I’ve never seen, “There really is a ‘casting couch’ in the movie business, according to Chris Hanley … "Almost every leading actress in all of my 24 films has slept with a director or a producer or a leading actor to get the part that launched her career," said Hanley. His leading ladies have included Kirsten Dunst, Scarlett Johanssen, Brooke Shields, Christina Ricci and Kathleen Turner."

This story, courtesy of the New York Post, has Scarlet Johansson on the list, but I’ll be dammed if I can see a film they made together. If there is one, it’s not listed on IMDB. I do find it horrifying that he would infer that he possibly had sex with Kirsten Dunst. I can’t honestly say I’ve ever had my penis in a bear trap, but the idea is a hell of a lot more appealing that my penis in a troll like Kirsten. At least I could put some lipstick on the bear trap and kinda make it look like a human girl. Good luck doing that with Kirsten Dunst. Seriously, If I had to choose between sex with Kirsten Dunst or sex with a dead Filipino boy, I would at least find out what the kid died of.

Jennifer Lopez is engaged

According to In Touch Weekly Marc Anthony formally proposed to Jennifer Lopez for their first wedding anniversary and bought her an 8.5 carat engagement ring estimated to cost about $1 million. Yes that's right, a year after being married Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are now engaged. Oh, the madness.

“It sounds a little odd, but Marc and Jennifer were never really engaged — they just got married. So, to mark their first anniversary, Marc officially proposed, this time presenting Jennifer with an engagement ring from exclusive jeweler-to-the-stars Neil Lane.”

I guess when you've been married as many times as Jennifer, you like to mix it up a bit just to keep things exciting. Like getting married before the proprosal or taking a crap on your fiance. Personally, I prefer not to take a crap on the people I love. But that's just me. I'm weird like that.

Thanks to Mina for the tip.

VIDEO: Paris Hilton flashes on European TV

What in the name of Shamu's butthole is wrong with Paris Hilton? I realize she officially crossed over into living pornography way back when, but I didn't know just how literal that description was. Is it possible for this woman to be in front of a camera and not be naked? I don't know the full story behind this video clip, but it features Paris Hilton exposing her breasts for no apparent reason other than that she's insane. And maybe high. Fortunately for her, the clip aired over in Europe where being naked and high is a way of life. Speaking of which, how come I don't live in Europe? Must be because my penis is too big.

NSFW video clip after the jump.

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Tricia Helfer is really really naked

I only barely know who Tricia Helfer is - she might be the one in those sex tapes I have labeled “sex with Tricia Helfer” - so her getting bare ass naked was an awesome idea to get my attention. I do know she’s on that Battlestar Galactica show on Sci-Fi, so between her and Grace Park, I’m not sure why it isn’t the greatest show of all time. Cause I would think they would have a lot of giggly pillow fights and sexy bondage parties in space. I know I would. It’s space, man. No rules.

Wildly NSFW picture after the jump.

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Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in W Magazine

If you ever wanted to see what Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt would look like raising a family in the 1960’s, put down the pot now’s your chance. A 60 page photo shoot of the couple playing house will be published in W Magazine, on sale nationally June 24, June 10 in New York City. Far from hiding in the shadows with their new relationship, Pitt is reportedly so happy with the pictures he wants to have them exhibited in an art gallery in Los Angeles. And while that might be pretty cool, best of luck drawing more people then I did with my exhibition of me pointing at things in my bathroom.

All credit for the pics to the great pittcenter.com.

Brad Pitt on Primetime Live

Me and some of the supermodels watched the Brad Pitt interview on Primetime Live last night - the models wanted to see Brad, I wanted to see the African villagers and call the models fat - but they started to get un-horny when they saw the little kids, so I turned it off and gave them a Winnie the Pooh that giggles when you press his tummy. Luckily I overheard one of the caddies at my country club talking about it, and from what Guillermo said, it seems Pitt spent most of the night talking about Ethiopia, the heartbreaking level of poverty there and what he feels the Unites States government can do about it. Guillermo made some interesting points about oversimplifying complex problems and how government does nothing well or efficiently, charity being no exception. He said that private charities handle things like this more effectively 100 percent of the time, but Pitts heart seems to be in the right place and he deserves a great deal of credit for trading time with uncomfortable personal questions in exchange for shedding some light on Africa’s problems, at least according to the wise and thoughtful Guillermo. I had him fired and deported anyway of course. Maybe I overreacted, or maybe he shouldn’t talk during my backswing, its hard to say for sure, but I am gonna miss the guy. We’ve had some good times, Guillermo. I’m gonna miss you, bro.

To learn more about the ONE Campaigns efforts to end poverty in Africa click here. And the role of “Brad Pitt” is now being played by Jake Busey.

Lindsay Lohan loves cocaine. Allegedly.

It would be awesome if TVgasm had even a mildly more credible name, but I’m gonna pass on their claim about Lindsay Lohan and her dramatic weight loss none the less.

“TVgasm has learned from a source close to Lindsay Lohan that her shrinking, frail frame is not the result of an eating disorder, but of a coke addiction mixed will diet pill abuse … part of the Lohan elite agreed to give me some information on conditions of anonymity … “(her) partying is getting out of control,” the source reports. “She's gone from occasional coke use to a full on fiend; it's scary.”

Lindsay Lohan is either a coke freak or she’s been cursed by the Black Pearl. She’s an eighteen year old billionaire princess who for some inexplicable reason looks like she’s done two tours in ‘Nam. Maybe in a world of unicorn chariots and gumdrop rainbows there’s a completely rational explanation for how someone loses 50 pounds over the weekend that doesn’t involve amputation, but I'm pessimistic. If years of training with the Bolshoi Ballet taught me anything, it’s what girls look like when all they eat is cigarettes and cocaine. And, umm, it's exactly like this.

Tyson Beckford cuts face in car crash

Supermodel Tyson Beckford was sent to Jersey City Medical Center at 5am yesterday after getting cuts and bruises on his face from a mysterious car crash. I say "mysterious" only because the freaking article says mysterious, like there were ghosts at work or something. Which I hear there were. Ghosts. At work. Wait, did somebody say ghosts? I'm scared!

An inside source said, "He looked pretty badly beaten to me, but he was laughing about it. He didn't seem bothered about his face. He was more concerned about what had happened to his car."

Sadly, his car happens to be a 1986 Honda Accord. Okay maybe I made that up, but maybe I didn't. It's not like you know.