Even though this interview with model and actress April Scott is pretty damn long, keep in mind as you read it that I edited out all the parts where I fawned over her or terrified her by being inappropriately personal or just generally made a brain-dead ass out of myself. Unfortunately that took the interview from 47 pages long to “hi”, so I put some of that stuff back in and the result is what many scientists are calling the greatest interview ever. But it’s that way only because of April, who would be obsession-worthy even if she weren’t so devastatingly beautiful.
Raised on a farm in southeastern Missouri, April moved to Los Angeles shortly after graduating from Christian College in Branson, where she was awarded a bachelors degree in theater and graduated as valedictorian with a 4.083 grade point average. Quite frankly, I could have done without that. It’s charming as hell that April is so damn smart and genuinely sweet, but it wrecked the original idea which was to just ask her if she would have sex with me over and over and over until she caved, or at least ask wildly offensive and inappropriate stuff like “I heard your gynecologist sent you a dozen roses one time. Is that true?” But it quickly became obvious that April wasn’t going to put up with any of that crap. So instead we talked about make-up tricks, dogs, supernatural powers and alligator wrestling, but mostly about her meteoric success as a model and actress. She’s landed choice roles on The Shield and CSI: Miami, and hosting gigs for shows on TBS and ESPN2. But you don’t look like April looks without getting modeling work, and she’s done a lot, for Glamour, Maxim, and Shape, as well as Bud Light and endless catalogs and calendars.
So here you go, more pictures of April and the two of us spreading our message of love in the very first Superficial Interview. All after the jump.
(a quick note here, if this reads like we picked it up in the middle of a conversation, that's becasue we did. we were on the phone setting up an IM chat, and this is basically just the transcript of the chat)
TS: You look unnervingly like my last girlfriend by the way. It’s freaking me out a little. April: That's strange. Be careful what you ask or I might start yelling… April: Just kidding. TS: You’re already withholding sex from me, so yelling would be the next logical step. April: So you weren't able to download the Motley Crue video? That's a shame. April: It should work now if you try it. TS: The only video I got to work was your Palms Casino video. TS: I did run a Google on you… TS: You look really different with no makeup. TS: I mean, still cute … I guess. April: ha ha ha. TS: I went and gave her a good karate attack for impersonating you. TS: So it’s cool now. April: Thanks for looking out for me. TS: Part of my tough love program. April: Speaking of fighting … one of my poodles just tried to attack the other one. TS: That’s why I got rid of my poodles. TS: Too much violence. April: They are actually really sweet. I have one named Barbie who is white and a black one named Jewels. TS: Are they new, or did they come with you from Missouri? April: I adopted them a year ago. April: They are each four years old. TS: It’s astoundingly cool that you would adopt three year olds. And not just puppies. April: Thanks. Their owner couldn't take care of them anymore and they needed to be together. TS: You’re an angel. How long have you been in LA? April: Three years this month. TS: You’ve done well. Fast. And you get paid to be hot. I’ve actually been ticketed for smiling at a camera. TS: Was L.A. always the plan? Acting? Modeling? April: I always planned to pursue acting. I got my degree in theater, but I just fell into modeling when I got here. April: I’m from a really small town and there weren't any modeling opportunities there. TS: I heard that you’re so hot, a boy actually died after kissing you. And that’s why you had to leave Missouri. You’re like Rogue from the X-Men. You went on a quest to understand and harness your powers. Powers of hotness. TS: Is that true? April: It was actually cardiac arrest. TS: Seems reasonable. TS: But you’re adapting pretty well to L.A. Don’t miss the small town at all? April: Not for a second. It never really felt like home to me. TS: Too slow? April: Maybe. Too isolated. April: I grew up on a twenty acre farm in a town of 2000 people. Three miles down a gravel road. April: Much like solitary confinement. TS: Well you went to a Christian college in Branson. That had to be raucous. April: I was the R.A. in an all girl's dorm. TS: That’s pretty hot… TS: Would you ever discipline the girls with pillow fights? April: I patrolled the halls to make sure that everyone was in their rooms by midnight. April: You wouldn't have liked it there. There were absolutely no boys allowed! TS: Yeah what a nightmare that would have been. April: Aren’t you from Nebraska? TS: Louisiana. Small town. Like, the offensive Louisiana stereotype, with confederate flags and alligator wrestling, that was home. April: Cool. April: Do you still wrestle alligators? TS: Only when they need to be taught a lesson. I’ll strip down to my shorts and put a knife in my mouth and dive into the bayou… TS: surface an hour later wearing its head as a hat. TS: I’m all man, baby. April: Yikes. I better be good then. TS: Not like those Hollywood boy-toys you hang with. TS: Speaking of that, what’s the romantic life like for you? April: I have a boyfriend. He's half Italian and half Armenian and very hot. April: And he benches 365 lbs. TS: I curl that. April: No boy-toys for me… TS: I’m actually 6'5 - 280… TS: but I seem bigger because people respect me so much. TS: How long have you two been together? April: Right on a year. TS: So it’s just about over then, huh? Golly, that’s too bad. TS: What’s the path for you now? I know you wrote a screenplay. April: I am concentrating on acting right now. I have some movie opportunities coming up this summer. April: But I am still going to continue modeling because I love it so much. April: And I am shooting my own swimsuit calendar right now. So that's exciting. TS: Wow, all you, just you? April: Just me. TS: I’m not gonna lie to you … I’m very much interested in seeing that. April: So how are your screenplays coming along? TS: The screenplays are great. I’m a genius, so that worked out nicely. Selling the screenplays is taking a little longer than I would have hoped. April: I hear that. Writing is such a competitive field. TS: You’re a really good typist by the way. April: Thanks. TS: It’s weird, I have friends who are brilliant and they live in their car, I have friends who are hacks and they make millions. TS: So random. TS: Success doesn’t seem like it’s always based on merit. Frustrating. TS: Do you have a hard time being taken seriously? TS: Because of the hotness. April: Sometimes. People have a preconceived idea of my IQ before they get to know me. I hope I surprise them. April: To tell you a secret … I'm really a book worm. I had a 4.0 GPA in college. Just between you and me. April: People don't exactly expect that of lingerie models. TS: Yeah, I had a model brag to me once about her ‘self-defecating’ sense of humor. I didn’t have the heart to explain what she said and why it was different than ‘self-deprecating’. April: What genre are your screenplays? Comedies I hope? TS: Kind of unapologetic summer action/comedies. April: You're very funny. I haven't laughed this much in a while. TS: You’re very easily impressed. I love that trait in girls. In fact I kind of depend on it. April: Very cool. May Bruce Willis or Tom Cruise become attached to your films very soon. TS: Thanks again. TS: Who are you repped by? April: CED for print. April: And theatrically I'm in the process of changing agencies. TS: Why is that? April: You have to go with the flow. Go in the direction with the most momentum. All while keeping your loyalty. TS: I left my last lit agent. She barely even spoke to me. Kidnappers stayed on the phone longer than that woman did. TS: Are you taking acting classes now? April: I have a private acting coach. TS: Why do you like that more than a class? April: More personal attention. And more specific help for audition material. But classes are good too. TS: So, if you could choose any path, what would it be - film, stage, television, writing… April: All of the above. But right now, movies are my poison. April: And you left out directing… April: Do you have a favorite movie? TS: The Way of The Gun. You? April: Dr. Strangelove and I also like Scarface. April: and Goodfellas. TS: Wow. Can you even talk to the other models or do they just stare at you like a dog who heard a bell ring. April: hahaha April: ‘Pavlov’. Is that how you spell his name? The dog guy with the bells… TS: I think so. Sounds right. TS: But I’m not very smart, so… TS: What movie stuff do you have coming up? You said you had some auditions. April: No, a part, but it’s not been announced yet. April: But I’ll make sure and let you know when it is. TS: Really, indie or studio? April: Studio. TS: Color me impressed. Good part? April: Yes. I'm very excited. TS: A lead? April: No, a medium role. But sometimes a medium role in a big film is better than a lead role in an indie. April: Sometimes. TS: True enough. TS: Well, that’s all I need. I can’t thank you enough for this. April: Well best of luck with you. I think your website is super cool and it was great talking to ya. TS: Same here. Thanks again. April: Goodnight. Talk to you soon.
In what should be the world's most surprising story but somehow isn't, Jenn Rivell, the ex-fiancé of Bam Margera, claimed durng an interview this morning on Philadelphia based radio station Q102 that Bam had sex with Jessica Simpson, backing up the same claim made by Phil Margera, Bam’s father. Rivell also claimed knowledge that Simpson had sex with Johnny Knoxville while the two were filming the Dukes of Hazard. Rivell did not address what in the hell is wrong with Sean William Scott and why he couldn't get any of that.
You can hear Rivell's entire phone call on the Chio in the Morning radio show right here.
Jack White secretly married Karen Elson yesterday in Brazil after a five week romance with the model. A lot of people are speculating this is all some lame publicity stunt, but I'm a firm believer that you can find love in only five weeks. Wait, did I say "love"? I meant sex. Anal sex. With prostitutes.
The unnamed 52-year-old victim who was allegedly grabbed by Christian Slater says she is pursuing legal action against him because he angrily ordered her not to press charges instead of apologizing. The most shocking thing about this whole story is that the woman's ass that Christian Slater grabbed was 52-years old. My God, man. What jury in the world is ever going to believe that anybody would want to grab a 52-year old's ass, let alone Christian Slater. Seriously, that's gross. Anyways, Christian is due to appear in court again on June 14 when his parade of strippers will most likely tell the world that nobody likes touching 52-year olds. Which is true.
A report on this mornings IMDB is claiming that “Strippers at New York club Scores are offering their services to troubled actor Christian Slater to help him avoid a sex pest tag. The movie star was arrested … on Tuesday for allegedly groping a woman on the street. But strippers at Scores … insist they'll come to his defense and testify he always keeps his hands to himself and behaves like ‘a perfect gentleman’ when he's a guest at the club.”
Strippers are good for many things. Many many many things. Many many many many many things. But generally not as a character witness in a sex-related trial. Being referred to as the best behaved client at a strip club is like being referred to as the most-huggable Kodiak bear. I support girls being anything they want to be, especially if they want to be skinny bi-sexual whores, but I’m not sure if I’m a big champion of them being the deciding factor in whether or not I do jail time.
My great hope is that these pictures are of Jennifer Garner seconds after shoplifting some kind of horrible poison and now she’s walking to the water supply where’s she gonna pour it in and choke the rivers with the bodies of our dead. Cause it’s either that or Ben Affleck really did get her pregnant. The only good news here is that, since Jen seems to be out of commission, I am now a mortal lock to win the "Hottest Buns in America" contest.
From Yahoo : “Lindsay Lohan wasn't injured after her car was hit by a photographer who allegedly was following the ‘Mean Girls’ actress. Galo Ramirez, 24, was booked on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon after running into Lohan's car Tuesday, police said.”
We haven’t posted anything on the Lindsay Lohan/paparazzi car wreck yet because the other guy has been busy trying on pretty dresses and kissing his Justin Timberlake posters, and I’m just completely out of ways to make fun of her. I swear to Christ, her life is filled with stuff you normally only see in cartoons. I fully expect her to show up somewhere in a barrel held up with suspenders or trying to sneak into an amusement park as the top half in a horse costume. But don’t you try that. Cause I did and you can barely breathe in those horse costumes. I don’t know how horses do it.
Some pretty cool footage online this morning from the new Superman movie. Here, in the 14th update to director Bryan Singers weblog, we see Brandon Routh as Clark Kent on his farm in Smallville in a moment of frustration throwing a baseball a couple of hundred miles. It looks pretty cool except that I’m not sure why it’s a big deal if a dude throws a baseball this far. One time I saw some cowboys abusing their horses and I threw a barn this far with all the mean cowboys inside and then I rescued all the horses and ponies and bunnies. And then I shed a single tear for the children. And did I mention that I’m a former model who comes from tremendous wealth but I walked away from all that and my father (the Colonel) has tried to buy my love but I’ve rejected that kind of opulent lifestyle. He wants me to come work at the firm, but all I care about is helping the abused animals. And the children. And doing crunches.
Just form a single line ladies, I’ve got plenty of smooches for all of you.
The gossip site Glamour UK is reporting that “the editor of Playboy, Marilyn Grabowski, says he'd love to have Britney Spears in his magazine, but she asked for a ‘ridiculous’ amount of money when they approached her. ‘It was too much, let's put it that way.’"
Playboy must have spent my subscription money on a time machine because Britney has pretty much looked like hell for two years now. Playboy could just open a thing of poppin-fresh dough, dress it like a tramp then put Britney’s picture and a lit cigarette at the top and it would pretty much be the same thing. I’d rather see my grandfather naked then Britney. The girl in the pics below is gone. She could have glow-in-the-dark tentacles and a forked tongue now and not look any worse, so how about we turn our focus to new hotties like April Scott. I was on April’s website and I saw a picture of her ass, and then I stabbed myself in the eyes so I could go out with one perfect image. Totally worth it dude. Uhh, wait, I mean … tigksisdfdfj kgkqweokdgkgo.
The Superficial is a gossip site which publishes rumors and conjecture in addition to accurately reported facts. Information on this site may or may not be true and The Superficial makes no warranty as to the validity of any claims.
Even though this interview with model and actress 
In what should be the world's most surprising story but somehow isn't, Jenn Rivell, the ex-fiancé of Bam Margera, claimed durng an interview this morning on Philadelphia based radio station Q102 that Bam had sex with Jessica Simpson, backing up the same claim made by Phil Margera, Bam’s father. Rivell also claimed knowledge that Simpson had sex with 
Jack White secretly married Karen Elson yesterday in Brazil after a five week romance with the model. A lot of people are speculating this is all some lame publicity stunt, but I'm a firm believer that you can find love in only five weeks. Wait, did I say "love"? I meant sex. Anal sex. With prostitutes.
The unnamed 52-year-old victim who was allegedly 
A report on this mornings 
My great hope is that these pictures are of Jennifer Garner seconds after shoplifting some kind of horrible poison and now she’s walking to the water supply where’s she gonna pour it in and choke the rivers with the bodies of our dead. Cause it’s either that or Ben Affleck really did get her pregnant. The only good news here is that, since Jen seems to be out of commission, I am now a mortal lock to win the "Hottest Buns in America" contest. 
Some pretty cool 
The gossip site