VIDEO: Sophie Marceau nipple slip at Cannes

Sophie Marceau had herself a bit of a wardrobe malfunction when her dress fell off to reveal her entire left breast while she was being interviewed at Cannes. It's kind of sad that a classically beautiful woman like Sophie Marceau had to go through the same sort of embarrassment that a whorish alcoholic like Tara Reid had to go through, but at least Sophie has normal looking nipples whereas Tara Reid's nipples look like they were born in Hell itself. Seriously, I've seen cancerous growths that have looked more appealing than Tara's boobs.

Obviously NSFW video after the jump.

*Update: In the 0.2 seconds that her breast was exposed, photographers still managed to get a couple of shots in. NSFW images after the jump and under the video.

**Update: The video has been removed to save the site from being completely crushed. You can view a mirror here.

Lindsay Lohan still too fat

From the New York Daily News : “Lindsay Lohan has gone from "Mean Girl" to "Lean Girl" in the blink of an eye. The teen screen queen shot to stardom on her wholesome good looks: red hair, freckles and a curvy figure. But these days the 18-year-old bottle blond looks more like a third Olsen twin with twiggy arms, jutting hips and a shrinking bosom. Lohan’s dramatic weight loss over the last year had already sparked talk of a possible eating disorder…”

(The Superficial puts its hands in its pockets, whistles and stares at the ceiling. But would this be a bad time to mention that delusions brought on by malnutrition and week long coke binges is no excuse for aqua-blue shoes with a bright red dress. Even the homeless guy down the street knows to just stick with earth tones if you don’t have any fashion sense, and he drinks his own urine.)

Jet Li is Danny the Dog

If anyone needs me today, I’ll be standing in line for Unleashed. So if you see anyone today and they’re not standing in line for Unleashed, that’s not me. I’ll be the one mocking the virgins in line for Star Wars and shooting flaming arrows at the fatties in line for ‘Monster in Law.’ And to get psyched for Unleashed, you should check out the Massive Attack video over on Quicktime. There’s a shot (at the 37 second mark, yellow background, right after a guy falls on the roof of a car) where Li grabs a dude by his collar and throws him to the ground so hard, that dude is absolutely dead. Or lying in a pool of his own sweat and urine praying to die.

None of this has really been newsworthy, so I’ll just mention that Li has faced some criticism for this from fans who thought it was demeaning for Li to be treated like a dog. "They thought it was…" and Li consults an interpreter for the precise word "…insulting because Jet Li is the hero for the Chinese. Why does he have a collar on? Why is he stepped on by white people?" You can read the full story from the New York Daily News here.

Wilmer Valderrama is “El Muerto”

‘El Muerto’ is more than just the home of the 3-pound burrito, it’s also a comic book about a man who dies on the Mexican holiday the Day of the Dead, only to be resurrected one year later, by the Aztec Gods of Death and Destiny, with supernatural powers. And now it’s a movie. And it stars Fez. As El Muerto. As a zombie with supernatural revenge powers. Fez. Im gonna go out on a limb and suggest that, if you need Fez to come avenge you, you’re kinda screwed. Just make your peace and deal with it. Hell, I wouldn't want him to save me, and I have no pride whatsoever. I got rescued by a little grey kitten one time after a panic attack cause a bumblebee flew right past my ear, and those press conferences where the kitten got the key to the city on the courthouse steps still left me with more dignity than if I ever had to thank Fez for anything.

Thanks to the great movie website JoBlo for a picture of the greatest movie poster you’ll ever see.

Paris Hilton hates reading

According to Pamela Anderson, Paris Hilton threw a tantrum in a restaurant because nobody would read the menu to her. Paris Hilton has to be the most entertaining individual in the world. She pulls the kind of crap that you would expect to see in a TV show, except it's her real life. I'm sort of hoping that she'll just lose her mind one day and start riding on the backs of servants instead of driving a car. She could even have a whip and yell things like "Faster! I'm going to be late for my important meeting!" Man, that would be so funny to watch.

"Last time I met her we were in a restaurant together - she slammed the menu down and screamed, 'I hate reading! Someone tell me what's on the menu!' I mean, I'm blonde but c'mon."

Mena Suvari gets a divorce

Remember that Mena Suvari chick from American Pie and American Beauty? Yeah me neither. Well turns out she just got a divorce, though I don't think anybody in the world even knew she was married. Or cared. Seriously, I haven't seen or thought about this woman in the past five years or something. I'm not really even sure why I'm typing this crap because I care so little about her. And what's with her and starring in movies with 'American' in the title? I bet the next movie she comes out with is The American American in America. Actually that would probably be a pretty sweet movie.

The actress, who married at just 21, has cited irreconcilable differences with cinematographer husband Robert Brinkmann.

Cameron Diaz and Shane Nickerson still huggy

See that picture to the right? That's pretty much the extent of the whole Cameron Diaz, Shane Nickerson make-out session. Pretty damning evidence isn't it? Judging by the bushes and the back of the head and the inability to see anything, I think it's fair to assume that those two have their tongues in each others' mouths. You can see more from the set at TimberlakeStyle though I seriously doubt you would want to. They're all the same and mind-numbingly boring. Thanks to Jennifer for the heads up.

Jennifer Lopez is mean and can't sing

The New York Daily News is reporting that “Sony Music … hired acclaimed movie-maker D.A. Pennebaker to film a behind-the-scenes documentary about the making of Jennifer Lopez's CD ‘Rebirth.’ Sources say Sony execs were thrilled with his film, but that J.Lo hated the sound of her voice and ‘scenes showing her abusing her employees.’ Thus, the project was scrapped…”

I don’t know what madman thought this up. Of course the footage was gonna be of her singing badly and yelling at her underpaid staff. It’s J.Lo. This is like wearing meat-pants into a tiger cage and then wondering what that lip-smacking sound is. My great hope is that the footage still makes it out somehow. Jenny From The Block will probably squash it, but still keep the film canisters around the mansion to frisbee across the room at her staff as a lesson if they don’t fold her giant underwear in that extra fancy way.

Rachel Bilson is a sandwich artist

Found these last night, stills from a Subway commercial that mark the humble career beginnings of OC star Rachel Bilson. I should probably make fun of her for this, but at least she got a commercial. I blew Jared and all I got was a couple punches on my sub club card. Although, now that I think about it, the tool to punch the card was just a screwdriver. That he kept on the ground. At the truckstop. And then he kept ruining my concentration and asking truckers if they wanted to “party”. And then he wouldn’t stop laughing after I was done and insisted his name wasn’t Jared. And then he stole my sub club card.

Celebrities are so eccentric. Anyway, here are those Bilson pics. I’m gonna go shove my face in a pillow now and scream for a few hours.

From that to this. And all I got was lockjaw.