Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes are dating

Well isn't this a weird little relationship. My guess is that Tom Cruise realized that his dream of having droopy-faced children was slipping away from him so he latched on to the closest, droopiest-faced woman he could find. I mean, that makes sense, right? Yeah. It sure does. Plus I bet having sex with a girl 20 years younger than you isn't all that bad either. Unless you're 23 or something. In which case maybe you should just shoot yourself.

"The Insider" has confirmed that megastar Tom Cruise and "Dawson's Creek" cutie Katie Holmes are dating. The couple were spotted holding hands and dining out today in Rome, where Tom is accepting a David di Donatello Award for lifetime achievement, the Italian equivalent of an Oscar.

Lindsay Lohan is tricky

Lindsay Lohan is convinced that one of her friends is behind the recent break-in at her Los Angeles home which occurred while she was filming in New York earlier this month. The criminals took more than $10,000 worth of electronic equipment, including two TV sets and a DVD player - and Lindsay is convinced she has some untrustworthy friends who may know more about the robbery than they're telling the authorities. She says, "I've been marking my money lately because I had a friend who was stealing from me."

I really hope this is true. Not because I want Lindsay's friends to be stealing from her, but because I think it's funny to watch what else she'll do to try and catch them. I mean how much more ridiculous can you get than marking your money? I expect that her next move will be to put some cash in a bear trap or maybe some super glue on her purse. She's like a freaking cartoon character or something.

Continue Reading

David and Victoria Beckham sue nanny

I'm curious as to what two gazillionaires hope to gain by suing their nanny. Last time I checked, the whopping $6.75 that is minimum wage doesn't really compare to the hundreds of millions of dollars that the Beckham empire is worth. I guess making somebody wipe the feces from your children's buttholes isn't enough, you should also take everything you've ever paid them by taking them to court over something so trivial as telling the world your marriage is in trouble when everybody already knows your marriage is in trouble. Then again, Victoria Beckham is pretty hot so if she feels the need to sue her poor ugly nanny that's alright by me. If you're rich and sexy enough, you could pretty much eat a bald eagle with Hitler and I'd still give you a high five.

David and Victoria Beckham are suing their former nanny after she revealed their intimate secrets to a British newspaper. The Real Madrid soccer ace and his former Spice Girl wife have launched legal proceedings against former employee Abbie Gibson, after she told Britain's News of the World newspaper that the couple's six-year marriage was close to collapse

Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie no longer friends

Paris Hilton told USA Today last week that Nicole Richie will be replaced on The Simple Life by her friend Kimberly Stewart, the daughter of singer Rod Stewart. "It's no big secret that Nicole and I are no longer friends," Hilton said in a statement last Wednesday. "Nicole knows what she did, and that's all I'm ever going to say about it." I'm not one to speculate, but I bet all the fighting has to do with Paris Hilton losing a "Biggest Whore" competition to Nicole Richie. You'd be surprised at how emotional people get over those competitions. Actually no. No you wouldn't.

Brad and Angelina still together

From People Online : Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have been photographed together on a beach in Africa. The Mr. and Mrs. Smith costars, who have both repeatedly denied rumors of an affair, are pictured in the British tabloid The Sun together on a beach that the paper reports is in Africa. Jolie's 3-year-old son, Maddox, is with them – and Pitt is photographed playing with the boy.

Angelina Jolie may be the only person on the planet who can look sexy in paparazzi pictures taken from space. Even here she’s rubbing her ass in a seductive way likes it’s a completely normal thing to do, while Brad and the orphan try not to be turned on. I feel kinda bad for Maddox. In a few years he’s gonna start to notice that his mom is Angelina Jolie. And he’s adopted. So, you know, as sick as it might sound at first, well … you know, it’s not like they’re actual family. Just speaking personally, the temptation to ask her to hold on a minute so I could put on a leather mask and a leash if I was ever due for a spanking would be just about overwhelming.

Thanks to the cool and alluring Jennifer for the heads up here.

Scarface is a video game

Vivendi Universal Games has announced it has reached a deal with Al Pacino to reprise his legendary role as drugged-out coke dealer Tony Montana in a videogame version of Brian De Palmas knockout 1983 gangster flick, Scarface.

I don’t really play video games - I’d much rather be outside with a football. Or a girl. Or a football and a girl - but this one is probably gonna be a pretty big deal. Although mostly with rappers and aspiring school yard assassins, so anyone who buys it should be arrested immediately. Just thinking about this movie makes me long for old-timey crime, like when people were a master of disguise or they would spend a week to tunnel into a bank. Now they just storm into a convenience store at noon and execute everyone is sight. The old stuff seems kinda charming when you think about it.

Kelly Brook is getting married

From British Glamour : Kelly Brook says she can't wait to tie the knot with fiancé Billy Zane and will even invite ex-boyfriend Jason Stratham along for the big day. "We are not getting married in this country," the busty brunette tells the Daily Mirror. "It'll be a small, private ceremony for our families and close friends in the Med somewhere, maybe Greece. We haven't set a date yet."

Kelly Brook and Billy Zane must have started dating about 5 minutes ago, cause this is the first I’ve heard of it. But even with that, it makes perfect sense that Zane is trying to rush her off to the alter. Anytime a dude is trying to get married to a girl right away, it’s not cause he’s giddy in love and his heart is filled with rainbows, it’s cause he knows that the girl is way out of his league and he can only keep tricking her for so long. Cops freak out if you keep girls in a well in your basement, so marriage is the next best trap. Kelly Brook may be no genius, but its going to dawn on her at some point that she’s one of the hottest pieces of ass on the planet and he’s a guy with so much charisma that no one has any idea who he is, even though he starred in the most popular movie the world has ever seen.

Nicole Richie has a great body

According to the latest issue of Star Magazine, Nicole Richie has the number one beach body in all of Hollywood. Others on the list include Elizabeth Hurley, Jessica Simpson and Kelly Ripa. Others on the list are also a hell of a lot hotter than Nicole Richie. Which means that either someone came and changed the definition of “body” while I was asleep or Star magazine has some pretty weird taste. Or maybe I'm the only one who doesn’t think that looking like a Civil War P.O.W. is all that hot.

Johnny Knoxville is the daddy

From the New York Post : “The buzz has been swirling for months that (Jessica) Simpson and (Johnny) Knoxville were having an on-set affair, but both stars have denied any talk of a tryst. But at least one eyewitness … at 40 Deuce in Los Angeles told PAGE SIX she saw Knoxville and Simpson stroking one another's hands when the lights went down.”

The reason guys come to Hollywood is because dudes like Johnny Knoxville should be back in Tennessee wearin a coon skin cap and working on air conditioners, but instead he’s bangin away on Jessica Simpson and Lindsay Lohan, based on a career where he gets punched in the nuts by a midget in a tiny panda suit. I can’t wait to be famous. God it's gonna be great. Until then I’ll just stick with flashing my fake badge and pulling girls over.

And now I’m gonna make the site even more sexariffic and post some pics of the latest recipient of Knoxville’s penis.