Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie no longer friends

Paris Hilton told USA Today last week that Nicole Richie will be replaced on The Simple Life by her friend Kimberly Stewart, the daughter of singer Rod Stewart. "It's no big secret that Nicole and I are no longer friends," Hilton said in a statement last Wednesday. "Nicole knows what she did, and that's all I'm ever going to say about it." I'm not one to speculate, but I bet all the fighting has to do with Paris Hilton losing a "Biggest Whore" competition to Nicole Richie. You'd be surprised at how emotional people get over those competitions. Actually no. No you wouldn't.

Brad and Angelina still together

From People Online : Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have been photographed together on a beach in Africa. The Mr. and Mrs. Smith costars, who have both repeatedly denied rumors of an affair, are pictured in the British tabloid The Sun together on a beach that the paper reports is in Africa. Jolie's 3-year-old son, Maddox, is with them – and Pitt is photographed playing with the boy.

Angelina Jolie may be the only person on the planet who can look sexy in paparazzi pictures taken from space. Even here she’s rubbing her ass in a seductive way likes it’s a completely normal thing to do, while Brad and the orphan try not to be turned on. I feel kinda bad for Maddox. In a few years he’s gonna start to notice that his mom is Angelina Jolie. And he’s adopted. So, you know, as sick as it might sound at first, well … you know, it’s not like they’re actual family. Just speaking personally, the temptation to ask her to hold on a minute so I could put on a leather mask and a leash if I was ever due for a spanking would be just about overwhelming.

Thanks to the cool and alluring Jennifer for the heads up here.

Scarface is a video game

Vivendi Universal Games has announced it has reached a deal with Al Pacino to reprise his legendary role as drugged-out coke dealer Tony Montana in a videogame version of Brian De Palmas knockout 1983 gangster flick, Scarface.

I don’t really play video games - I’d much rather be outside with a football. Or a girl. Or a football and a girl - but this one is probably gonna be a pretty big deal. Although mostly with rappers and aspiring school yard assassins, so anyone who buys it should be arrested immediately. Just thinking about this movie makes me long for old-timey crime, like when people were a master of disguise or they would spend a week to tunnel into a bank. Now they just storm into a convenience store at noon and execute everyone is sight. The old stuff seems kinda charming when you think about it.

Kelly Brook is getting married

From British Glamour : Kelly Brook says she can't wait to tie the knot with fiancé Billy Zane and will even invite ex-boyfriend Jason Stratham along for the big day. "We are not getting married in this country," the busty brunette tells the Daily Mirror. "It'll be a small, private ceremony for our families and close friends in the Med somewhere, maybe Greece. We haven't set a date yet."

Kelly Brook and Billy Zane must have started dating about 5 minutes ago, cause this is the first I’ve heard of it. But even with that, it makes perfect sense that Zane is trying to rush her off to the alter. Anytime a dude is trying to get married to a girl right away, it’s not cause he’s giddy in love and his heart is filled with rainbows, it’s cause he knows that the girl is way out of his league and he can only keep tricking her for so long. Cops freak out if you keep girls in a well in your basement, so marriage is the next best trap. Kelly Brook may be no genius, but its going to dawn on her at some point that she’s one of the hottest pieces of ass on the planet and he’s a guy with so much charisma that no one has any idea who he is, even though he starred in the most popular movie the world has ever seen.

Nicole Richie has a great body

According to the latest issue of Star Magazine, Nicole Richie has the number one beach body in all of Hollywood. Others on the list include Elizabeth Hurley, Jessica Simpson and Kelly Ripa. Others on the list are also a hell of a lot hotter than Nicole Richie. Which means that either someone came and changed the definition of “body” while I was asleep or Star magazine has some pretty weird taste. Or maybe I'm the only one who doesn’t think that looking like a Civil War P.O.W. is all that hot.

Johnny Knoxville is the daddy

From the New York Post : “The buzz has been swirling for months that (Jessica) Simpson and (Johnny) Knoxville were having an on-set affair, but both stars have denied any talk of a tryst. But at least one eyewitness … at 40 Deuce in Los Angeles told PAGE SIX she saw Knoxville and Simpson stroking one another's hands when the lights went down.”

The reason guys come to Hollywood is because dudes like Johnny Knoxville should be back in Tennessee wearin a coon skin cap and working on air conditioners, but instead he’s bangin away on Jessica Simpson and Lindsay Lohan, based on a career where he gets punched in the nuts by a midget in a tiny panda suit. I can’t wait to be famous. God it's gonna be great. Until then I’ll just stick with flashing my fake badge and pulling girls over.

And now I’m gonna make the site even more sexariffic and post some pics of the latest recipient of Knoxville’s penis.

Brandon Routh is Superman

Hey, Bryan Singer, any chance you could ratchet back the gayness a tad on the new Superman. That would really be great. I realize this is in line with the “classic” look, but that came about when action movies hadn’t really advanced past the ‘bonk’. Superman should look like he’s about to kick ass, not strip at a secretary’s birthday party. I don't really know what he should be wearing instead, but if I were in a burning building and someone showed up in this, even if they flew in carrying a fire truck, it would still take me a minute to know if I was being rescued or seduced. God forbid he had to carry me somewhere dressed like this. I'd be there in his arms, my body completely rigid, straight as a board, trying not to make eye contact and making awkward conversation. “So, umm, you think the Saints might finally draft a corner this year.”

Click here for a super high-res thanks to BrandRouth.com

Quentin Tarantino directs CSI

Finally some details from that Quentin Tarantino directed CSI series 5 finale, from CSIFiles.com :

“main character Nick Stokes is kidnapped by someone with a grudge against CSI. (When) he wakes up, he's trapped in a coffin with a loaded handgun and a tape recorder with a message telling him it's best to kill himself, as he's going to die anyway. There's also a webcam in the coffin, which transmits an image back to the CSI lab, allowing his colleagues to see him slowly suffocate - but not providing any clues as to his whereabouts. 'Grave Danger' was written by CSI showrunner Carol Mendelsohn, CSI creator Anthony Zuiker, and executive producer Naren Shankar, based on a story by Quentin Tarantino. The episode will air Wednesday the 19th of May.”

I’m not sure what Hong Kong movie this plot is ripped off from, but Quentin is involved so I’m confident it’s one of them. Also not sure how he’s gonna fit a kung fu master and ninja sword fight into that coffin. I can only assume he’ll do it through flash backs. That’s probably when he’ll abuse his power, cast himself and make out with a super hot Asian chick who’s way out of his league too. No word yet on if she gets hazard pay for that.

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner engaged

According to Star magazine, Ben Affleck proposed to Jennifer Garner after her 33rd birthday party last Saturday at her Brentwood home. He allegedly bought her a $500,000, 4.5-carat Harry Winston engagement ring, as compared to the 6.1-carat pink diamond ring from Winston which he had gotten for Jennifer Lopez. I guess this means Ben just doesn't love Jennifer as much as he loves Jennifer. Wait, what? I mean Jennifer and Ben aren't quite as Jennifer as Ben and Jennifer. Jennifer. Ben Jennifer. Bennifer. Shit!