Kelly Clarkson Only Talented American Idol

The "New York Post" claims Simon Cowell was overheard talking on his cell phone to an "American Idol" producer while lounging by the pool at a Beverly Hills hotel. Simon supposedly said that there is "very little talent" in the group of contestants that made it to the finals in Hollywood. He also said the only standout, as far as he was concerned, was a country-western singer from Missouri. Simon was also heard saying that the rest of the contestants are all untalented "Usher wannabes" and he said that someone like Ruben or Fantasia would end up winning again. He also said that Kelly Clarkson was the only one with true talent who ever won and that "without my pushing, Clay Aiken would never have gotten as far as he did, and look how well he's done." But we also have to keep in mind that nobody cares about American Idol or any of the contestants. Unless they're absolutely psychotic. The contestants I mean.

The Republica

Say hello to the newest member of our fun little network of stupid sites. I don't know about you, but I find that news is always more interesting when it's about parents eating their children. Okay not really, but you know what I mean. And if not, that's because you're stupid. Nothing is ever my fault in this little relationship of ours. Nothing.

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Britney Spears Proactiv Spokesperson

Britney Spears is going to be featured in infomercials for the acne treatment system called Proactiv Solution. In the infomercial, Britney is interviewed by Vanessa Williams, who also talks to P.Diddy, Jessica Simpson, and Alicia Keys about their acne problems. Hmm, Britney Spears being featured as an example of working acne treatment? That's as ironic as featuring Jessica Simpson as a success story for uh...brain...uh...smart. Yeah. Brain smart. Like me. I'm smart.

Lindsay Lohan Sued

Lindsay Lohan is being sued by two people who claim she injured them in a traffic accident last year. The personal injury suit was filed on behalf of Eddie Pamilton and Ilex Harris, who claimed Lindsay was driving in Studio City on August 3rd when she struck Eddie's car. The two say they have suffered continuing "pain, discomfort and physical disability" ever since, and they want unspecified damages and compensation for medical expenses, lost earnings and income. Unspecified damages and compensation eh? I think I have an idea of what "unspecified damages and compensation" means to people suing Lindsay Lohan and it's something along the lines of 100 million billion dollars.

Tara Reid

If you haven't had the pleasure of watching Uwe Boll's masterpiece "Alone in the Dark" I highly recommend you check it out. I haven't seen it myself, but I've heard nothing but good things about it, the least of which is Tara Reid's Oscar-worthy performance as a scientist. I mean Tara Reid playing an intelligent character? That should be worth the $10 alone. Although there's really no way I could top Nicholas Schager's review for Slant Magazine: "Saying Uwe Boll’s Alone in the Dark is better than his 2003 American debut House of the Dead is akin to praising syphilis for not being HIV."

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Farked

If you're experiencing issues with the site it's because we've been Farked and the server is getting hammered. So much so that I can barely access it long enough to make any updates. Which uh, should explain the lack of updates today. And if it doesnt, it's because I was busy entertaining the twelve prostitutes I shipped in from Thailand.

Britney Spears Nude On Balcony

I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation as to why Britney Spears is walking around topless on her balcony, but I can't really come up with anything. Judging by the dishelveled hair, she probably just finished having sex with whoever she has sex with which, according to my calculations, if half the popoulation of Alabama. Anyways, all anybody really cares about is that the last picture has an apparent nipple in it. I say 'apparent' because it looks more like a giant wart than anything else. A giant nipple-shaped wart. Images after the jump.

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Nicole Kidman Relationship Problems

According to a British newspaper, Nicole Kidman's relationship with film producer boyfriend Stephen Bing may be on the rocks. The two have been dating since October, but a source was quoted in Britain's Mirror newspaper as saying: "She's looking for a husband and [she] doesn't believe he's the marrying kind." Is this the kind of gossip paparazzi is trying to get by planting illegal bugs? Because if it is, I really don't think it's worth it. What would be more interesting would be a story of Nicole Kidman urinating on people in private. Or public, whatever.

Lindsay Lohan Drinks

While filming her still-untitled movie in New Orleans, 18-year old Lindsay Lohan hit the rowdy college bar The Boot around 2 a.m. one night, and eyewitnesses say she drank so much she was dancing on tables. "I saw her do two rounds of shots with her friends," one witness told Star People. A bar employee also said, "She was dancing, drinking, having a good time." However, Lohan's rep insists she stuck to soft drinks, which is, uh, still illegal. I think it'd be funny if one day Lindsay Lohan was arrested for underaged drinking. I also think it'd be funny if one day her breast implants exploded.