The Superficial Will Be Back On December 31st

I forgot to mention that I'll be out of town for the next two and a half weeks and I don't know what my internet situation will be like. Odds are I won't have any, so I'll just go ahead and say that there won't be any new posts for awhile. I get back on the 31st so hopefully you can manage to survive two weeks and two days without my stupid blabbering. And in case you didn't know that my blabbering was stupid, it is indeed very stupid. To hold you over, here are some nice shots of a lovely Mandy Moore from a somewhat less lovely Teen People. Word on the street is that she's hot, but I'm more into that Kevin Federline. He's so dreamy!

Adriana Lima

I think it's funny how in the first picture Adriana Lima seems to be taking herself so seriously. "Ooh look at me pose like this. I'm a professional, don't try this at home." Which is pretty good advice actually, because if you tried this kind of crap at home you would be laughed out of society. It's hard to believe that people actually pose like that for non-studio shots, but I guess when you're the personification of conceited, that's the kind of thing you do.

Britney Spears Spoils Dog

While staying at the Bellagio Hotel in Las Vegas for the Billboard Music Awards, Britney Spears reportedly ordered a $180 steak for Bitbit, her pet Chihuahua. It makes me sad to think that a damn dog is eating better than I do. I'd probably be okay with it too, except that it's a Chihuahua and nothing pisses me off more than stupid little Chihuahuas. I'm pretty sure those rat-monsters don't even count as dogs.

Anna Kournikova Marries Mole Man

Us Weekly reports that Russian tennis star Anna Kournikova has secretly married her boyfriend Enrique Iglesias. Anna was seen wearing a wedding band on her ring finger at a charity tennis event in Florida this past weekend and, when asked about the ring, Kournikova was heard to say, "Enrique is great. Everything is awesome. We are married." That sounds like pretty solid reporting to me, though I had no idea that Anna was a frickin' robot. I mean seriously, who talks like that?

Oh, and reader Evan sends in a picture of Anna supposedly naked with Enrique Iglesias. I didn't study it enough to determine whether it's real or not, but I'll just assume it is and move on with my life. Image after the jump. (nudity)

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Linday Lohan Drinks Alcohol

Lindsay Lohan admits she drinks alcohol, smokes cigarettes and parties in nightclubs despite the fact that she's not of legal drinking age. When asked how she manages to get served or enter the adult clubs, Lohan said, "You go in the back door." Lindsay says she doesn't order the drinks herself and usually just takes sips of her friends' drinks. That's all good and well, but none of that explains why she ever dated Wilmer Valderrama or, more importantly, how that foreign little bastard managed to get Mandy Moore as well. Maybe he's like a tiny little sorceror or something.

Paris Hilton and Pamela Anderson Shop

View Paris Hilton and Pamela Anderson Shop Images [JJB]

VH1: Victoria's Secret Angels Undercover

VH1 is dedicating an entire show of their VH1 All Access to the Victoria's Secret Angels Across America Supermodels. The show promises to give an in depth look at their daily life, so be prepared to see a lot of lying about how they eat whatever they want and never work out. There will also probably be a lot of ass kissing going on from VH1 so the show will probably end with some narration about how supermodels are just like regular people, only rich and beautiful and envied by the entire population of the world. Well if that's what regular means, than I guess I'm about as regular as they come. And I'm not talking about my pooing habits either.

Visit Victoria's Secret Angels Undercover [VH1 -- thanks Suzie]

China's Miss Plastic Surgery Pageant

You'd think that the contestants for China's Miss Plastic Surgery pageant would be more attractive than those of regular beauty pageants, but you'd be wrong. Dead fucking wrong. These contestants look like pure ass. I'm judging the entire thing based only on these two images that I've got here, but damn if they aren't some ugly images. It's been my experience that plastic surgery usually serves to enhance what's already there. Well if that's the case with these contestants then holy-crap-on-a-stick they must have been ugly to start with. The finals of the Miss Plastic Surgery pageant will be held this Saturday, but unless the winner is at least twelve times hotter than these girls, count me out. I usually prefer not to throw up when viewing beauty pageants.

Gisele Bundchen Reneges Reward

A young San Bernardino couple is going public with questions about supermodel Gisele Bundchen's "no questions asked" $5000.00 reward offer, which remains unpaid more than two weeks after the couple returned Bundchen's dog only to be arrested at gunpoint, handcuffed and held in custody. Although cleared by the police, the couple has no explanation from Bundchen of why they were treated like criminals and denied the reward.

I'll tell you why. Because you stole a beautiful woman's dog and that's a crime punishable by death. If you're going to steal a dog, at least do it from somebody ugly or poor.