Britney Spears Smelly Feet

The Sun "reports" that Britney Spears took her shoes off during a flight from Los Angeles to New York and the stench from her feet was so bad that an air stewardess had to ask her to put her shoes back on. Apparently Britney went red, laughed, obliged and blamed the stench on her shoes. Then she proceeded to break out in acne, get pregnant, and marry the biggest lameass on the planet.

Ziyi Zhang

Memoirs of a Geisha is having a bunch of problems with their production due to translation difficulties on set. Instead of hiring Japanese actors to play the roles of Japanese people, the producers have decided to just grab whatever Asian people they can find under the assumption that they're all basically the same. This is the type of thing that would normally piss me off, but as long as they're finding more ways of putting Ziyi Zhang in front my face it's all good. And if you're wondering why I'm calling her Ziyi Zhang instead of Zhang Ziyi, read this and then go shoot yourself for being ignorant.

Phone Thong

Not really sure what to make of this, but reader Chris sums it up pretty well:

For the ho on the go! I like how they offer the "versatile design and wearing
options for casual, business and dressy." Business? When was the last time you saw a CEO wearing a phone thong? Maybe if your business is conducted on street corners.

Jennifer Lopez Sings To Homeless

Jennifer Lopez is apparently trying to end her diva reputation. The actress/singer is reportedly planning to spend Christmas working at homeless shelters in the Bronx. Said an insider, "Jen will be taking basic gifts with her and is planning to sing a selection of her favorite songs." Yeah, because that's what homeless people need, the gift of JLo's song. Maybe instead of trying to kill these people with her voice, she could take out 1/100th of her $50 bazillion empire and buy them all houses. Wait, but that wouldn't be nearly as fantastic as hearing her sing.

Mel Gibson Buys Island

Mel Gibson has reportedly droppped $15 million for his own South Pacific island. The 8-square mile Mago (pronounced Mungo) Island, is in Fiji's Northern Lau Group of islands and comes with a village of 40 residents, a two-room schoolhouse, tropical vegetation, cattle, horses, goats, pigs, and a bulldozer. So does that mean that Mel Gibson will be like these people's king or something? "Fetch me the goats so that I can bulldoze them!" That would so rock.

Britney Spears Billboard Music Awards

Britney Spears made an appearance at the Billboard Music Awards and, judging from the looks of her belly, I think it's safe to say that she's pregnant. Well there's also the possibility that she's just gotten fat, but there's something about the way that fat is forming that makes me think she's got a baby in there. Although to be fair, I'm not very good at telling the difference between fat people and pregnant people. Just the other day I called a pregnant woman a 'humongous lard-whale' and she didn't take it so well. Unless you consider stabbing me in the liver with a fork taking it well. Oh, and what is it with celebrities and buying the ugliest possible dogs they can find? I don't know about you, but I like my dogs to have hair on them.

Lindsay Lohan Card Finder Personal Account

I don't know how legit this personal account of Lindsay Lohan's card finder is, but it's really long and I really didn't even bother reading it. More than enough people have sent it in though which means other people must think it's true. And if other people think it's true then it must be true. It's like that time in fourth grade when everybody told me it was "cool" to drink glue. Boy were they right! More after the jump. (thanks everybody)

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Victoria's Secret 2004 Christmas Ad

If you've never heard any of the Victoria's Secret models speak before, then here's your chance. Their 2004 Christmas ad is a montage of softcore porn scenes supermodels in sexy underwear saying stupid things like "dazzle me" and "delight me." Trust me, I'm sure there are a lot more things guys would rather do to these models than 'dazzle' and 'delight' them. I'd mention a few, but I don't think my mom would approve of such language. That said, this is a brilliant commercial. Sure it uses the most overused Christmas song in the history of media, but it also uses supermodels in lingerie. And if I'm not mistaken, supermodels in lingerie is the very definition of brilliant. Video after the jump. (thanks Karim)

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Jessica Simpson Daisy Dukes

So apparently the site has turned into a Jessica Simpson tribute page or something. I'd put up a fight, but when the subject looks as good in short shorts as Jessica does, I just don't really care. I'm still just hoping that the producers of The Dukes of Hazzard have somehow managed to work in a carwash scene or a trampoline scene or a sex with me scene. Especially that last one. That would be swell.