Katie Price (Jordan) CKM Photoshoot

Polish Magazine CKM has a photoshoot featuring everybody's favorite big breasted Briton (look at the alliteration!). I know I'm going to hate myself later for saying this, but Jordan's breasts are out of control. I'm all for the big breasts, but she's like a damn cartoon character. And not the sexy kind like Jessica Rabbit, but more the weird freakish kind like uh...big breasted Jordan? The point is that once the novelty of having giant watermelon breasts wears off, you're left with a woman that's going to look incredibly horrifying at age 60. Can you imagine the sag that those things are going to acquire? Well I can, and let me tell you it isn't pretty. It isn't pretty at all. *shudder*

(warning: nsfw)

Miss Vietnam 2004

Uh...no offense to Miss Vietnam 2004, but she's really ugly. Maybe they don't understand the concept of a beauty pangeant over there in Vietnam, because there's no reason that this thing should be winning any sort of beauty contest, let alone Miss Vietnam. To be fair, I guess she's not really that ugly, it's just that I expected more of the winner of a national beauty pangeant.

Ashlee Simpson Challenges Avril Lavigne As Most Annoying Singer

Ashlee Simpson is going on tour in January despite the fact that she's the current laughing stock of the music industry. I mean, when Avril Lavigne starts lecturing your integrity as a singer, you know you've hit rock bottom. Avril says, quote, "There are a lot of people out there today who have become stars only because they have connections and only because they have money and for the wrong reason. And it sucks." Hey, you know what else sucks, Avril? You. As much as I think Ashlee Simpson is an untalented blame-placing shmuck, Avril Lavigne will always be the queen of lameass wannabe punk. I'd like to say more, but my mother wouldn't like the things that would come out of my mouth if I did. She says no to profanity.

The Superficial Halloween Costume Contest

I probably should have announced this thing before Halloween, but poor planning and a terrible work ethic sort of got in the way. Anyways, if you somehow managed to predict that we were going to do this and happened to get a picture of your costume, then send a copy to contest@thesuperficial.com. Even if your costume sucks harder than a desperate prostitute, we'll be posting anything that we even remotely like. And although an official winner will be announced, the only prize that we could come up with was a swift kick to the balls. And in case of a woman winning (which is a very real possibility considering slutty costumes are usually way more awesome than non slutty ones), we've opted to replace the prize with an equally satisfactory squeezing of the breasts. Degrading? Maybe. Totally awesome? Definitely.

So if you've got what it takes to be in the best costume contest this side of Canada, send your entries to contest@thesuperficial.com. Entries will be accepted until Friday, and a winner will be announced whenever. And, in case none of the above mentioned prizes sounded desirable, we'll also throw in a Gmail invite for good measure.

Zhang Ziyi

In case you were wondering, yes, Zhang Ziyi is incredibly gorgeous. And in case you were also wondering, no, her first name isn't Zhang. I know the whole cross cultural thing is difficult for a lot of idiots to master, so I'm just going to go ahead and point out that Zhang is actually her last name. "But it comes first!" you exclaim, in an outburst of ignorance. Well that's just the way they do things in China and, as long as they're producing individuals as donkey licking beautiful as Zhang Ziyi, that's okay by me.

*Note: Her real name in America would be Ziyi Zhang, but we're so used to calling her Zhang Ziyi that I'm just going to leave it as that.

Sarah Michelle Gellar Esquire UK Photoshoot

While not nearly as nice as Christina Aguilera's Skechers ads, this costumed photosoot for Esquire UK manages to make Sarah Michelle Gellar look halfway decent. I usually find her at an annoying level slightly below Kirsten Dunst, but the quality of these photographs is so mesmerizing that it makes me sort of forget how much I hate her. Which, thinking back on it, isn't really that much. It's not like Kirsten Dunst where I would punch her in the kidneys if I ever saw her walking down the street. That little troll makes me so angry sometimes.

View Sarah Michelle Gellar Photoshoot @ [Sarah Michelle Gellar Fan -- thanks ryne]

Brittany Murphy Says Sorry For Small Penis

Brittany Murphy has apologized for suggesting that Ashton Kutcher has a small penis. I don't know why though, since it's a known fact that all people who wear trucker hats have small penises. Why else would you wear something so incredibly ugly and play it off as stylish? The only answer is a small penis, my friends.

Read Brittany apologises for small manhood gaff @ [Female First]

Ashlee Simpson Karaoke Edition iPod

View Ashlee Simpson Karaoke Edition iPod @ [Airbag]

Jessica Alba Has A Chin Bump

Not that Jessica Alba is any less than spectacular, but what's up with that weird bump on the left side of her chin? In this world of Photoshopping and makeup, it seems like somebody should have removed that thing by now. I mean, nothing ruins a sextacular picture of Jessica Alba more than a weird growth on her chin. Well, unless she was sporting a huge penis or something. I guess that could ruin it as well.