Ashlee Simpson Challenges Avril Lavigne As Most Annoying Singer

Ashlee Simpson is going on tour in January despite the fact that she's the current laughing stock of the music industry. I mean, when Avril Lavigne starts lecturing your integrity as a singer, you know you've hit rock bottom. Avril says, quote, "There are a lot of people out there today who have become stars only because they have connections and only because they have money and for the wrong reason. And it sucks." Hey, you know what else sucks, Avril? You. As much as I think Ashlee Simpson is an untalented blame-placing shmuck, Avril Lavigne will always be the queen of lameass wannabe punk. I'd like to say more, but my mother wouldn't like the things that would come out of my mouth if I did. She says no to profanity.

The Superficial Halloween Costume Contest

I probably should have announced this thing before Halloween, but poor planning and a terrible work ethic sort of got in the way. Anyways, if you somehow managed to predict that we were going to do this and happened to get a picture of your costume, then send a copy to contest@thesuperficial.com. Even if your costume sucks harder than a desperate prostitute, we'll be posting anything that we even remotely like. And although an official winner will be announced, the only prize that we could come up with was a swift kick to the balls. And in case of a woman winning (which is a very real possibility considering slutty costumes are usually way more awesome than non slutty ones), we've opted to replace the prize with an equally satisfactory squeezing of the breasts. Degrading? Maybe. Totally awesome? Definitely.

So if you've got what it takes to be in the best costume contest this side of Canada, send your entries to contest@thesuperficial.com. Entries will be accepted until Friday, and a winner will be announced whenever. And, in case none of the above mentioned prizes sounded desirable, we'll also throw in a Gmail invite for good measure.

Zhang Ziyi

In case you were wondering, yes, Zhang Ziyi is incredibly gorgeous. And in case you were also wondering, no, her first name isn't Zhang. I know the whole cross cultural thing is difficult for a lot of idiots to master, so I'm just going to go ahead and point out that Zhang is actually her last name. "But it comes first!" you exclaim, in an outburst of ignorance. Well that's just the way they do things in China and, as long as they're producing individuals as donkey licking beautiful as Zhang Ziyi, that's okay by me.

*Note: Her real name in America would be Ziyi Zhang, but we're so used to calling her Zhang Ziyi that I'm just going to leave it as that.

Sarah Michelle Gellar Esquire UK Photoshoot

While not nearly as nice as Christina Aguilera's Skechers ads, this costumed photosoot for Esquire UK manages to make Sarah Michelle Gellar look halfway decent. I usually find her at an annoying level slightly below Kirsten Dunst, but the quality of these photographs is so mesmerizing that it makes me sort of forget how much I hate her. Which, thinking back on it, isn't really that much. It's not like Kirsten Dunst where I would punch her in the kidneys if I ever saw her walking down the street. That little troll makes me so angry sometimes.

View Sarah Michelle Gellar Photoshoot @ [Sarah Michelle Gellar Fan -- thanks ryne]

Brittany Murphy Says Sorry For Small Penis

Brittany Murphy has apologized for suggesting that Ashton Kutcher has a small penis. I don't know why though, since it's a known fact that all people who wear trucker hats have small penises. Why else would you wear something so incredibly ugly and play it off as stylish? The only answer is a small penis, my friends.

Read Brittany apologises for small manhood gaff @ [Female First]

Ashlee Simpson Karaoke Edition iPod

View Ashlee Simpson Karaoke Edition iPod @ [Airbag]

Jessica Alba Has A Chin Bump

Not that Jessica Alba is any less than spectacular, but what's up with that weird bump on the left side of her chin? In this world of Photoshopping and makeup, it seems like somebody should have removed that thing by now. I mean, nothing ruins a sextacular picture of Jessica Alba more than a weird growth on her chin. Well, unless she was sporting a huge penis or something. I guess that could ruin it as well.

Ashlee Simpson Letter to Fans

Ashlee Simpson has written a letter to her fans, sticking with the story that that she had acid reflux and continuuing to pretend she didn't blame the whole terrible incident on her band. Why doesn't she just admit that she was afraid to sing live and so used a recording? It doesn't matter if it's true or not, because that's what everybody believes anyway. Making up lame excuses for herself is just making her look like an even bigger joke than she already is. And I think it's a bit peculiar that she chose to attend the SNL afterparty even after her incredible screwup. Has the woman no shame? Probably not, considering I saw her taking a dump on the sidewalk the other day. Just like a hobo!

Read Ashlee Simpson Letter To Fans @ [Official Ashlee Simpson Site]

The Superficial News

- Jessica Simpson's husband, Nick Lachey, could be in hot water with his ditzy missus over published reports that he two-timed her with porn star Jessica Jaymes at a wild bachelor party. [Read]

- After the newlywed pop diva Britney Spears recently announced that she intends to start a family as soon as possible, it has now been revealed that she has taken to consuming a fertility drink called kava. [Read]

- R&B heartthrob Usher might want to call Paris Hilton for some advice now that a videotape is being shopped around that purportedly shows the "Confessions" singer having sex with two women, reports the New York Daily News. [Read]