Brittany Murphy Says Sorry For Small Penis

Brittany Murphy has apologized for suggesting that Ashton Kutcher has a small penis. I don't know why though, since it's a known fact that all people who wear trucker hats have small penises. Why else would you wear something so incredibly ugly and play it off as stylish? The only answer is a small penis, my friends.

Read Brittany apologises for small manhood gaff @ [Female First]

Ashlee Simpson Karaoke Edition iPod

View Ashlee Simpson Karaoke Edition iPod @ [Airbag]

Jessica Alba Has A Chin Bump

Not that Jessica Alba is any less than spectacular, but what's up with that weird bump on the left side of her chin? In this world of Photoshopping and makeup, it seems like somebody should have removed that thing by now. I mean, nothing ruins a sextacular picture of Jessica Alba more than a weird growth on her chin. Well, unless she was sporting a huge penis or something. I guess that could ruin it as well.

Ashlee Simpson Letter to Fans

Ashlee Simpson has written a letter to her fans, sticking with the story that that she had acid reflux and continuuing to pretend she didn't blame the whole terrible incident on her band. Why doesn't she just admit that she was afraid to sing live and so used a recording? It doesn't matter if it's true or not, because that's what everybody believes anyway. Making up lame excuses for herself is just making her look like an even bigger joke than she already is. And I think it's a bit peculiar that she chose to attend the SNL afterparty even after her incredible screwup. Has the woman no shame? Probably not, considering I saw her taking a dump on the sidewalk the other day. Just like a hobo!

Read Ashlee Simpson Letter To Fans @ [Official Ashlee Simpson Site]

The Superficial News

- Jessica Simpson's husband, Nick Lachey, could be in hot water with his ditzy missus over published reports that he two-timed her with porn star Jessica Jaymes at a wild bachelor party. [Read]

- After the newlywed pop diva Britney Spears recently announced that she intends to start a family as soon as possible, it has now been revealed that she has taken to consuming a fertility drink called kava. [Read]

- R&B heartthrob Usher might want to call Paris Hilton for some advice now that a videotape is being shopped around that purportedly shows the "Confessions" singer having sex with two women, reports the New York Daily News. [Read]

Anna Kournikova Bikini Candids

Did anybody ever imagine that Anna Kournikova would have such a nice body? I mean yes, she's a professional athlete and all, but none of her previous pictures have ever showed this *ahem* side of her. She was always the hottie of tennis, but that was more relative to the other tennis players than anything else. After seeing these pictures though, it's clear that Anna has got more going on than just a reputation amongst tennis players. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I need some alone time with these pictures so stay out of my room for the next twenty minutes or so.

More pictures after the jump. -- thanks Stewie

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Britney Spears Greatest Hits: My Prerogative

Britney Spears Demands Contract For Kevin Federline

A reader submits this little bit of gossip that may or may not be true, but I'm so hoping it is because it would be hilarious.

Brit is demanding a record contract for KFed who was quoted as saying 'he thinks he has a better message and more vocal abilities than eminem.'She is also refusing to do any promotion for her 'greatest hits' album until negotiations start.

Couldn't you just picture KFed (who the fuck came up with KFed) trying to throw down with Eminem? I think it would go a little something like this:

KFed: (to a hip hop beat) I'm the best. I'm better than the rest.
Eminem: Get the fuck out of here!

Yeah, a little something like that.

Mary Kate Returns To NYU

Looks like everybody spoke too soon about Mary-Kate dropping out of school, since she's returned to NYU after her week break in Los Angeles. Um...that's it.

Read Mary-Kate Back to School @ [E! News]