Tanushree Dutta (Miss India 2004)

I can't even pronounce her name, but after perusing the Tanushree Dutta gallery at Indian Magic, I can't help but feel that she is totally hotter than Jennifer Hawkins and hence probably more deserving of the 2004 Miss Universe title. That's not to say that she deserved to win, just probably more so than Jennifer Hawkins. This is going purely on looks though, since for all I know, Tanushree might have declared her allegiance to Hitler's ghost during the competition, in which case maybe she wasn't so deserving of the title. Hitler's ghost? Geezus, what the hell am I typing? Just look at Tanushree's bikini pictures and forget that I ever said anything. And then give me all your money.

View Tanushree Dutta Gallery @ [Indian Magic -- thanks Mitcon]

Ashlee Simpson Continues To Disappoint

Pop star Ashlee Simpson failed to showed up at a planned appearance at Granger High School today.

I understand that Ashlee Simpson might be a little upset over the whole SNL incident, but that's no reason to take it out on the kids. Without great role models like Ashlee to teach them to lie and cheat to cover their own asses, these kids will no doubt end up doing drugs and becoming prostitutes. C'mon Ashlee, why'd you ditch the kids? Don't you think we have enough drug addicted prostitutes already?

Read Ashlee Simpson A No-Show At Granger High @ [KSL TV -- thanks Mark]

Carolina "Pampita" Ardohain

I had never neard of Carolina Ardohain until a kind reader sent in some wonderful galleries featuring her very naked self. I was reading through the text that accompanied her Stuff gallery and apparently she was the official World Cup mascot for Argentina. Seriously? You can have a mascot that's just a half naked woman? I thought mascots had to be weird animals or objects that were nothing remotely like a hot naked woman. I guess that's why America sucks and Argentina is awesome. They're more open to the idea of a mascot with long legs and large breasts.

View Gallery @ [Stuff Magazine]
View Gallery @ [pampita-ardohain.com -- thanks Michelle]

Lindsay Lohan Hospitalized

Lindsay Lohan has been hospitalized with an unknown illness and a temperature of 103. It's such a tragic event that most people can hardly think about her giant knockers. Not me though, I can always think about big boobs. It's like a special gift I've had since I was twelve.

I can't help but think though, that maybe this all could have been avoided if Lindsay had just drank her milk. Ironic isn't it? No? Well you're fat.

Read Lohan Hospitalized @ [USA Today]

Catherine Zeta Jones Sues Topless Club

Catherine Zeta Jones is pissed because a strip club in Nevada is using her picture in their advertisements and flyers and stuff. I understand why she might be upset over something like that, but shouldn't she be more upset that she's married to Michael Douglas? If I had to come home to that ugly mug every night and engage in sexual acts, I don't think I'd have the mental capacity to continue caring about anything else in the world, let alone a stupid strip club.

Read Catherine Zeta-Jones Sues Topless Club @ [The Boston Channel]

Tyra Banks In $10 Million Bra

If you've ever wondered what a $10 million bra looks like, wonder no more. And if you've ever wondered what an armpit vagina looks like, wonder no more as well, because this is an armpit vagina if I've ever seen one. Looking at the way that bra is cutting into Tyra Banks' fat makes me think that maybe it's not the most comfortable piece of breast wear out there. And for $10 million, I'd be expecting some seriously comfortable support. I'm talking a built in heater, little robotic massagers, and maybe a tiny little leprechaun to compliment you every once in awhile. But I guess these lame designers are too preoccupied attaching diamonds to the damn thing than actually making it nicer. Weak.

Read Tyra Banks in 112 carats is uplifting @ [USA Today]

Britney Spears Nipple Slip Outtake

A reader sent this picture in claiming that it was an unused outtake from one of Britney Spears' photoshoots. I can't verify the authenticity of it, but if it's a fake, it's a pretty damn good one. The giant X suggests that it is indeed an outtake, and the saggy freckly cleavage suggests that it is indeed Britney Spears' chest. And I know I only had sex with her seven or eight times, but I'd recognize the edge of her nipples anywhere. I don't know what kind of sad bastards would get off to 1/4 cm of a nipple though, but here it is if you want it. And for future reference, it makes me really uncomfortable knowing that people are browsing this site with one hand down their pants. Seriously, that's just rude.

Brandon Routh Cast As New Superman

Say hello to the new Superman, 25 year old Brandon Routh. I don't want to sound out of line here, but I've got the nagging hunch that Bryan Singer is going to fuck up the new Superman movie. Neither of the X-Men movies were as spectacular as they should have been, and this Brandon Routh fellow doesn't really look up to the task of taking on such a legendary franchise. Sure, he's 6'2" but where are all the muscles? I sort of recall Superman has being the muscley type. Ya know, because he's Superman. Maybe Singer and Routh will surprise me though, and Superman will turn out to be the greatest film of this generation. And maybe I won't have sex with any supermodels tonight.

Read Look, Up in the Sky: Brandon Routh! @ [E! Online]

Ashlee Simpson SNL Screwup

I don't know about you, but when I'm faced with the realization that all of America is about to discover what a fake I am, I don't normally break out into a weird Irish jig. And yet that's exactly what Ashlee Simpson did during the horrific disaster that was her SNL performance. I don't know who's to blame, but here's a recap of the whole thing: Ashlee's lip synching track starts playing before she even puts the mic to her mouth and it's not even the right track so it starts fading out, and then the band gets confused so they start playing, but then Ashlee Simpson is a dumbass so she does a little jig and then walks off stage while her band continues to try and salvage the whole thing. I shit you not, this really happened.

And if the revelation that she can't sing wasn't bad enough, she tries to top her own dumbassery by blaming the whole thing on her band. "My band started playing the wrong song and I didn't know what to do so I thought I'd do a hoedown." Shut up! It's bad enough that her banshee sister became hugely popular for having the IQ of a grape, but Ashlee doesn't even have that. She can't sing, she's not entertainingly dumb (she's just plain dumb), and she doesn't have enormous boobs. So basically, Ashlee Simpson is a complete failure and the way she handled her lip synching fiasco just proves that she truly is the lamest individual on the face of the planet. The sad thing is that her career is still probably going to continue and be successful even after something like this. America makes me sad.

View Ashlee Simpson SNL Screwup Video @ [College Humor]
Read Did 'Saturday Night Live' expose Ashlee Simpson's extra help? @ [USA Today]